Childhood Developmental Trauma Vs. Later Trauma

[Meadowsweet]

I've experienced both, and don't feel like I 'fit' or am understood either by those who have experienced developmental trauma or those who have experienced later trauma. I feel that the trauma I have experienced as an adult is not understood by people that have the sole experience of childhood trauma, but neither is it understood by those who have the sole experience of adult trauma. But I think it must be more common for the both to be linked, than it seems.

I haven't come across the ANP and EP abbreviations before either, but they seemingly relate to the way I'm put together, so do you have any more information on them please.

 

[Chava]

On the PTSD level, or basic nervous system regulation level, I relate to many people here...regardless of where or when of their trauma.

I don't totally relate to your list of early trauma symptoms but I definitely fit a developmental trauma model. I am not submissive. I am sometimes "whatever" but it's not submissive....I really don't care because I' m apathetic or just drowning in gray area (I do relate to not being able to make decisions sometimes). But it could also be that avoiding submission is part of my avoidance. I simply don't connect on a good friendship level with many people. My best friends, the few I've had in life, also had early trauma that I was often unaware of when I met them. But it's like we were on similar wavelengths. What I notice is a certain obliviousness to social norms (but very empathetic, just awkward on connecting and also really not caring about too many norms), heightened senses and sensitivity, and usually intensity.

Anyway, later trauma can really mess up the ability to trust and connect. For me that's the main thing. Maybe harder because it doesn't originate from the same basis in "self" so I'm rebuilding in some ways, or reconnecting various parts.

I feel like I relate to much of what you say @shimmerz ....what I actually see sometimes is conversations sidewinding into off-topics or related topics between small groups of forum friends...and a new poster isn't necessarily responded to, or allowed to relate to the new conversations that are between small groups of members. Cliquey tone. I'm sure not intended. A new poster might respond to the original post, but it's not what a few people are talking about anymore...or the new poster isn't part of that conversation. The "viral" posts are many posts by a small group of participants. Also hard for others to read through all of it and jump in, easier to carry on with smaller group. Just an observation. Maybe off base somewhat.

I've never given much of a damn about who relates to who or who is like who or this group or that group. Because we are all humans. If I don't relate to someone else, I try to understand...but often, I realize, tinted through my own lens of experience. But I like being here to relate to who I can and not worry about any divisions. I have major developmental trauma, which is probably what I'm left to deal with, but I have adult trauma too. I'm in the "cptsd group" but only consider myself as part of this over-arching PTSD camp, because there is all that gray area of shared dysregulation and just being human and just wanting to be heard.

Obviously these last couple paragraphs come from someone who is good at isolating and just observing. High avoidance, low expectations for connection, but sensitive and perceptive to a fault (which doubles back on my avoidance). I do think there are some very different issues for developmental trauma, why I appreciate separate forum heading for "childhood" (though "developmental" might further classify those earliest of traumas where our nervous systems never even got on track but we developed in a trauma-brain way).

 

[Born to Run]

Agree 100% and have been thinking about the same dynamic; we simply share the same depth of hell.

 

[scout86]

I've thought about this, partly because of a good friend who apparently had a great childhood and then dealt with combat related PTSD. To be honest, in some ways, I think it was harder for him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a concept of "truly normal" and then find yourself hyper-vigilant and kind of paranoid. There was more to his symptoms than that, but what I noticed the most is that he went from being very open minded and curious to quite the opposite. From being pretty stable to having a hair-trigger temper. And he KNEW it was happening and couldn't find a way to control it. That must have been terrifying and frustrating. For me? This is life as I've known it. I'll grant that there are "a lot of blank spots in my road map of reality", but you don't really miss something you've never known the way you miss something you've lost. Not that it's not a problem or a loss, just that it's different and seems like it would be less confusing.

But, yeah, I think it's different situations, for sure. I also kind of suspect you can have a difficult childhood and, with luck and the right circumstances, JUST have "developmental issues" and not PTSD. But I also think that the developmental issues might make you a bit more likely to get PTSD from traumatic events that would be the case with a better foundation.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I guess I sort of think as complex trauma as developmental trauma, but I have the adult complex PTSD stuff just don't know when that happened, as I was always a mess. Actually made me think I can't pin point, was it sister's suicide or the DV? I don't know. I've been such a mess, and shut down and dissociating, I'm really not sure who I am? There just seems to have been waves of trauma, with complex trauma. So not sure which bit see that is. I sort of see the developmental stuff as more fundamental. But I guess, yes, if you have normal development and then trauma due to PTSD then you saw what it was like to be normal, so maybe that is why it might seem worse??? But honestly, the more I go into this, the more lost I feel. I thought there would be more answers by now. But I just seem to be moving on with my life but still lost inside?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I can see that being true. My trauma was developmental but I don't relate to any of the concepts you've mentioned. (I've never heard those abbreviations before.) I don't fit in with any cliques (or with anyone on the board, really), but its not because my trauma is different.

I do see a divide between the trauma types though. I see a bit less compassion coming from those who have adult trauma. At least that's my experience. Maybe its because they don't really understand, either, and they think we should all cope and heal like they do.

 

[Chava]

That must have been terrifying and frustrating. For me? This is life as I've known it.

This is helpful. It would be very scary to have the whole world as you know it flip inside out. How can you trust anything? I've felt that more with the adult traumas. As for life as I've known it, my whole development was my adaptation...I had lots of time. I relate a lot to Judith Herman's description of complex trauma, but I also feel like I have had a "self". It gets lost easily around others...it doesn't quite know how to be. But I developed a "self" that is sort of a hermit. Sometimes a perfectly happy hermit. That's really hard to change (and to a point I need to accept this but also push myself to socialize the way some people need to push themselves to exercise). But I bet my level of hypervigilence is lower than that of adult combat PTSD, though I relate to being constantly amped up (if not clear to the other end...near or total shutdown).

 

[Tinyflame]

@shimmerz , it came to me (I see) what I think we need is modelling (it is one thing that is very helpful). :tup:

 

[RussH]

I think it was harder for him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a concept of "truly normal" and then find yourself hyper-vigilant and kind of paranoid. There was more to his symptoms than that, but what I noticed the most is that he went from being very open minded and curious to quite the opposite.

This may have to do with the severity of his PTSD as well as the time in his live he suffered the trauma.

 

[Weemie]

trauma is not just traumatizing to your mind, there isn't a ceiling for how much pain you can be in mentally and just be like, “well it's just mental pain.” when you're growing up, or should i say really, when you're under the age of 25, your brain is still develping. your neocortex, your hippocampus, your amygdala, they're complex systems that only really flourish as you grow older and more mature.

the foundation for your brain's development is laid out in how you're raised. we have an evolutionary imperative to keep our children safe from harm, to protect them from the evils of the world, to shelter them from the big bads. when we don't, it affects how their brains develop, how their personalities develop, their sense of self, their perception of the world and their place in it.

it's amusing to me how scientists now are like, “breaking news! we've discovered that child abuse can cause long term developmental damage!” and i'm like, “well f*cking duh!” you know, they even have studies that show things like, poverty and abuse can even cause your IQ to score lower, not because you're stupid but because your brain's resources aren't focused on the types of things that IQ tests measure, they're focused on survival. (and as well, it decreases your ability to focus, sustain tasks, dissociation, blah blah blah blah blah.)

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't understand the 'parts' part, or even the inner child concept really, but I heard an old (bit corny) song on the radio & I finally realized the part I like is "..can the child within my heart rise above.." . That is 'me', for better-or-for-worse. A woman-child (that's also what is 'alien'). However, it's not 'childish' (because my childhood was brutally adult, no misconceptions or lack of adult realities there). But I also remember what it felt like to 'be' a a child.

I think I'm ok with it (by now, I've always been 'me'), though not everyone or others would be with it/ me.

 

[Tinyflame]

it's amusing to me how scientists now are like, “breaking news! we've discovered that child abuse can cause long term developmental damage!” and i'm like, “well f*cking duh!” you know, they even have studies that show things like, poverty and abuse can even cause your IQ to score lower, not because you're stupid but because your brain's resources aren't focused on the types of things that IQ tests measure, they're focused on survival. (and as well, it decreases your ability to focus, sustain tasks, dissociation, blah blah blah blah blah.)

Totally agree with all of this. I was straight A's/ Honors/ just under Mensa, was the least of my problems to contend with with everything else. Now I need an abacus to add. :rolleyes: :tdown: