Anna Roberts
Bronze Member
Hi, everyone. I'm Anna and I have PTSD because I was bullied throughout middle school and high school. I'd really rather not go into the details of my trauma, but it was bad enough that I had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideation. I have a history of non-suicidal self-harm, but this time I think I've quit for good. I haven't self-harmed in eight months. I'm in weekly therapy, I have a psychiatrist, and I'm on Klonopin, Abilify, and an anti-depressant.
I'm 18, but I'm not in high school or college, and I'm also not working. I'm not in high school because I graduated a year early at the age of 16 (almost 17), and I'm not in college because I had to take a medical leave of absence due to my PTSD. I got into a good specialized university with a full ride scholarship, but now I'm not even sure what I want to do with my life and whether I still want to go into that specialized field, so I probably won't end up going back. I'm not sure I can get into another school of the same caliber and still get a scholarship (my family can barely pay the bills, let alone for an American college education). I feel as though I lost out on my one chance at a good life in a career I loved, and my one chance at pursing higher education. Sometimes I think I'll never be able to go back to college.
I'm not able to work or go to college due to severe agoraphobia. I can barely go outside to check the mail. I once had a panic attack just stepping out the front door. I'm also extremely depressed. I have flashbacks, panic attacks, and insomnia as well as the intrusive thoughts, nightmares, lack of focus, concentration, and motivation that go along with PTSD.
I've been on several medicines this time around (I had stopped taking my meds with my doctor's approval after I started feeling better last spring, but had a relapse once I started college) and none of them have worked or have had too many side effects for me to continue taking them. I feel so hopeless sometimes. I feel as though I'll never get better, or have a good life, or get married and have a house and a job and a dog. I just don't know what to do. I can't focus on anything during the day because of my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, and I can't sleep at night because of the nightmares and the insomnia. The therapy and the medicines and time just aren't helping. What else can I be doing to get better?
I'm 18, but I'm not in high school or college, and I'm also not working. I'm not in high school because I graduated a year early at the age of 16 (almost 17), and I'm not in college because I had to take a medical leave of absence due to my PTSD. I got into a good specialized university with a full ride scholarship, but now I'm not even sure what I want to do with my life and whether I still want to go into that specialized field, so I probably won't end up going back. I'm not sure I can get into another school of the same caliber and still get a scholarship (my family can barely pay the bills, let alone for an American college education). I feel as though I lost out on my one chance at a good life in a career I loved, and my one chance at pursing higher education. Sometimes I think I'll never be able to go back to college.
I'm not able to work or go to college due to severe agoraphobia. I can barely go outside to check the mail. I once had a panic attack just stepping out the front door. I'm also extremely depressed. I have flashbacks, panic attacks, and insomnia as well as the intrusive thoughts, nightmares, lack of focus, concentration, and motivation that go along with PTSD.
I've been on several medicines this time around (I had stopped taking my meds with my doctor's approval after I started feeling better last spring, but had a relapse once I started college) and none of them have worked or have had too many side effects for me to continue taking them. I feel so hopeless sometimes. I feel as though I'll never get better, or have a good life, or get married and have a house and a job and a dog. I just don't know what to do. I can't focus on anything during the day because of my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, and I can't sleep at night because of the nightmares and the insomnia. The therapy and the medicines and time just aren't helping. What else can I be doing to get better?
