Letmebehealedbyfaith
New Here
I guess I should tell you about myself...when I was 9 years old, my sister, brother and I came home from school and found my father dead...he had shot himself in the head so you can imagine the graphic nature of what we saw. It was in my dreams every night for quit a long time. He committed suicide because he had just found out he had Huntingtons Disease. I am the middle child..,my sister was the oldest 11 at the time and my brother was 7. After that happened we moved out of state with my grandparents...so totally new environment and new school. We moved into the house next door to my grandmother I think a couple of months later. My mother soon started dating again and was gone most weekends leaving us alone. At the age of 8, my brother started having "tics"...this was the first sign that he probably inherited Huntingtons. At the age of 13, my sister became very violent. She physically attacked me on numerous occasions for the littlest of things such as me picking up a pillow she had thrown on the floor. These attacks always took place when my mother was gone. She even bite me so hard one time I swear she hit a nerve because my whole body shook. One time she locked me out of the house and I had to sleep in a cardboard box...it was 40 degrees outside. Yes I could of woken up my grandparents but then they would be angry with my mom for leaving us again. Soon my mother started noticing marks on me and I had to tell her what was going on. She had my sister put in a behavioral health institution for a while...then insurance ran out and it started all over again. We soon figured out that she was also exhibiting signs of Huntingtons Disease. Unexpected angry outbursts were part of it, one of the stages of the disease. My brother did attack me on one occasion, he picked me up off the ground and threw me across the room. But he and I were close so he never really hurt me except that one time. I feel like I became the mother of the house. Mom was at work through the week and spent most weekends overnight with her boyfriend. I did most of the cooking and cleaning starting about the age of 10. Eventually my sister moved past the anger stage and things got better between us. She eventually got married and moved out. When I was 18 we received a call from someone that knew my sisters husband and mother-in-law and they told us that they were both abusive to my sister. By this time the disease had progressed to the point of her having slurred speech, unsteady gait. After that call we picked her up and told her she could live with us again. That only lasted two weeks before he talked her into coming back. About 3 years later I received a phone call in the middle of the night saying my sister was found unconscious (by this time I had been married almost to years and was 7 months pregnant) I rushed over to their apartment and the ambulance was just pulling away with her. We went to the ER and waited...her husband and mother-in-law were very nervous acting and saying to my mother "I'm so sorry". At this point we didn't even no how she was doing..,why were they sorry..,then we are told she passed away and they would have to do an autopsy to find out the reason. Her husband threw a fit and said he didn't want them doing one. But with the cause of death not being known they were required to. He then told them she had Huntingtons disease and that was probably the reason. We were then escorted back to see her body..,,when I saw her I immediately felt my stomach drop.,,she had a black eye in which she did not have earlier in the day when her and I had seen each other. I felt then that she had been murdered. The autopsy results came back saying complications from Huntingtons disease. To this day...because of the weird nervous behavior of her husband and his mother, I feel like they got away with murder. With Huntingtons disease you eventually lose all control of your body..,you basically have to be totally taken care of...my sister was still eating, walking, talking and even driving. After her funeral I saw her husband 3 months later with another girl and haven't seen him since. My sister was 24 when she died. Soon after that my brother started to decline fast. Mom eventually had to put him in the nursing home and after that he was in and out of the hospital all the time. Eventually we were told his body was completely shutting down and they gave him 3 weeks to live. I spent every day of those three weeks at his bedside. He could still understand everything that was going on around him. He whispered in my ear on one occasion that he didn't want to die. All I could do was tell him God was with him and then flee the room before I busted out in tears in front of him. My brother was 25 when he past away. So by the time I was 27, I had lost my father, sister and brother. I have never felt safe my hole life....I feel like danger is lurking around every corner and something bad is going to happen every moment. My husband tells me to give it over to God. I swear I try but it's like an automatic reaction when I feel threatened I run, shutdown and want to be isolated from everyone. My brother-in-law yelled at me on one occasion when he was her visiting with us and ever since when he comes to stay I am a nervous wreck and have fights with my husband because I don't want him to stay with us. In fact he is moving back here and wants to stay with us until his place is ready and I have such anxiety about it. He has a very agitated air about him and easily flips a switch when he is angry and it doesn't help that he drinks a bottle of wine every night. I am at a loss...beginning to think I will never get better.
