Relationship Please Help Me.

[Redwish.]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four months, he's the best guy I ever met. He has PTSD, TBI, and depression. Within one week he went from being happy and having faith in us to telling me how it's a waste of my time being with him, how he's a lost cause, just constantly cutting himself down and telling me how I need to save myself and leave him, and that if I don't do it now it'll happen eventually.
I need someone out there to help me, breaking up with him is the LAST thing I want to do, I care about him soo much.

Please tell me this doesn't have to be the end, I don't want to give up.

 

[Futuremrs]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four months, he's the best guy I ever met. He has PTSD, TBI,...

You don't have to give up. Just know it's going to be hard. Is your vet seeing anyone? What does he do to deal with his symptoms? You need to really evaluate if that's something you want to deal with forever. If you do, you should definitely get some support. I'm not talking about family and friends. People that actually know what you're going through.

 

[Redwish.]

You don't have to give up. Just know it's going to be hard. Is your vet seeing anyone? What does he do...

Yes. He's on medication, and sees a shrink. I just wish he would stop seeing that this won't work and that I have to give up. He doesn't have faith. But I do. I believe we can get through this.

 

[Futuremrs]

Yes. He's on medication, and sees a shrink. I just wish he would stop seeing that this won't work and t...

I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. I deal with that all of the things you said except that he doesn't question our relationship. It's very early on to be doing that. Would he let you go to therapy with him? Being with someone with PTSD takes a lot out of you and there are times you just want to call it quits. I don't know what I would feel if he didn't believe in our relationship. Even though sometimes he distances himself and you feel that way anyways. I'm not saying this to worry you, but genuinely just concerned because I know how hard it is.

Is he just basing it on the past as to why you guys won't work?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Unfortunately, the PTSD relationship push-pull is something that a lot of supporters have to deal with. Is he very symptomatic right now, or dealing with extra stressors?

 

[Redwish.]

I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. I deal with that all of the things you s...

He doesn't even want to talk about it when he goes to his therapy sessions. And yesterday was the date that his old SGT was killed and I know that wasn't easy for him and he's been kinda dealing with that all week. He's just constantly cutting himself down and asking why I'm still with him and that it's a waste. And possibly about the past.. but before two weeks ago he was so proactive about our relationship.

 

[Redwish.]

Unfortunately, the PTSD relationship push-pull is something that a lot of supporters have to deal wit...

He's dealing with a lot right now with school, jobs, and this past week was the time some of his soldiers and sergeant were killed when he was in Afghanistan.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Trauma anniversaries can be huge stressors for PTSD sufferers. Have you read the PTSD Cup Explanation? It explains in simple terms what happens to sufferers when they have to deal with stress. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

Relationships are stressful too... even good stress is stress.

 

[Redwish.]

Trauma anniversaries can be huge stressors for PTSD sufferers. Have you read the PTSD Cup Explanation...

This helped me a lot, thank you!
Do you have any advice of what I should do? Will this maybe pass if I just give him more time and space or?

 

[Futuremrs]

He doesn't even want to talk about it when he goes to his therapy sessions. And yesterday was the date...

Yeah, my fiancé says he can't talk to anyone. He shares stuff with me, but I'm not a professional and don't feel like I can help. That's hard. I would try to just support him and tell him why he's great and that you love him. That's what I do with my fiancé and just try to be there for him. That's actually helped...he doesn't shut me out quite as much. He still isolates himself but at least now he tells me more about what's going on.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Self loathing is a symptom of PTSD. You know... sometimes just relaxing and taking things easy does wonders. If your sufferer is overwhelmed, he is probably having a hard time dealing with his own anxiety, fears, and emotions... he can't process yours too. Just relax and roll with it.

When my vet starts with the "find a better man" B.S.... which he does too... I tell him that I am a big girl and know who is and isn't good for me. I know what I am doing.

 

[Redwish.]

Yeah, my fiancé says he can't talk to anyone. He shares stuff with me, but I'm not a professional and...

Right, and that's good. And I think right now that's what he needs. I need the trauma memories and really just putting down into a deep deep place. And kinda how I see it, he's telling me to leave..but he's not breaking up with me. So I don't think he entirely wants me to leave.