Should the Person(s) Who Traumatized You Be Punished for What They Did?

[Acer]

yes they should, but I won't re-traumatize my adult self so as to give the sick people who traumatized me as a child their just punishment (the legal punishment) they deserve. As an adult though, I continue to run away from those that traumatize me to get away from it instead of also giving to them they punishment they deserve. It seems that since nobody was held accountable at the time of the trauma (my childhood) that I have learned a lesson about not dealing with it as an adult also.

 

[Claire]

I was in a car crash. I was stopped at a junction and a guy drove into the back of the car, at high speed.

I would have liked the man to be punished accordingly. I would have expected a heavy fine and points on his licence. Even a short ban for 'driving without due care and attention'. Instead he had to attend a driving course which he had to fund himself (cost approx. £200). He could have killed me and he wrote off my car.

All I hope is that he now drives differently. That's all I CAN hope really. I'd really like to talk to him and explain what his actions caused. I'm not angry with him but I would like him to be aware of his actions.

 

[Lion]

Lion, you have an interesting perspective on this issue.

I wished him dead verbally when I was being abused one late afternoon, within a few days he ended my life of torture via a bullet. So yeah, I guess you could say that I do have some insight. Not being a smartass in the reply, so please don't get me wrong. I should have elaborated a bit more on my original post but this is an awkward thing for me to go into at times. 'Net therapy, gotta love it. :smile:

 

[void]

:hello:Lion,

Thanks for the clarification!

Void:smile::smile::smile::smile:

 

[Marlene]

It changes sooo much when a parent passes away. My Dad was not the worst abuse I had, but he set the stage for it with verbal abuse, intimidation, some physical and no platform allowed to express myself, could never do things to his approval. It was both very hard and freeing all at the same time when he passed.

OMG, cyndi...what you wrote is exactly how I feel about my father. He passed away five years ago...and that's when the wheels started coming off. I spent most of my first year in therapy dealing with all of the anger, resentment, fear and finally finding my voice to be able to tell my father (with my therapist as a stand-in for him) how much he hurt me.

I've heard my mother say multiple times since my father died that I was his favorite. All I could think each times was 'Damn...if I was his favorite I'd hate to be his his least favorite'. It took me five years to get over the guilt of being glad to be free of all of the crap that his death brought. I know I would be nowhere near the point of healing that I am if he were still alive. I probably would still have everything tucked down oh so neatly inside of me.

Thanks for your words.

Lisa

 

[cyndi]

Touched

((Lisa)) It always means so much to me when things I share touch someone else in a way that helps them not feel alone. I've felt alone so much of my life, it's like lighting another candle inside every time someone else can identify when I share from the gut. Thank you for touching me back. It made my day. :smile: Loss and grief is hard but after the hard part comes the part of freedom from the past, opening us up to the possibilities of being who we really are....and we begin the new chapter of our book: overwhelming, scary, dreamy, freeing, beautiful, hopeful.

(but can't I shorten it to one year instead of 5? Yikes.)

To stay on topic somewhat, and after much consideration to the question, "Should the person or persons who traumatized you be punished?": I believe they are in a way already by not knowing the beautiful people we are. So there. (nya-nya-nya):poke:

 

[jeapea]

Isn't it odd how we can kill an animal for hurting us... but not another human who inflicts indecribable harm...
I live in Eastern Oregon on a ranch. I can and will protect the animals on this ranch and its perfectly fine for me to do that.
But what humans can get away with apalls me.
The biggest difference I've seen is that animals don't lie.
Only people can do that.

 

[Marlene]

(but can't I shorten it to one year instead of 5? Yikes.)

Cyndi,

There was a WHOLE lot more going on in those five years other than my father's death. Actually his death was the beginning of five years of insanity that I'm just now coming out of. So please don't use me as a benchmark here. Stay your own path and you'll know how long it will take.

To stay on topic somewhat, and after much consideration to the question, "Should the person or persons who traumatized you be punished?": I believe they are in a way already by not knowing the beautiful people we are. So there. (nya-nya-nya):poke:

In relation to my father, I think the above is true because he never got to really know his granddaughters. When he started treated them the way he treated me, they became off limits to him. His loss...big time!

And love nya-nya-nya!

Lisa

 

[void]

:clap::clap:Well said, jps, well said!!!:clap::clap:

Void:smile:

 

[Arcticboy1970]

The Punishment Debate

I have to pipe in here and give my two cents on this.....I must say that I do not go for the punishment thing, not anymore. I did, for a long time, and it was a road filled with obsession, sickness, and losing more of who I wanted to be.

Often, what we are looking for, I think, is a sense of safety and closure. Vengeance does not necessarily give these, and in searching for punishment we often think it is justice that we are seeking. That being said, justice in a legal sense , is a rare thing. People may be put in jail, or they may be physically harmed, or even their lives may be taken. But this does not heal the wounds that they have left. Those wounds , we need to find ways to cover them, to let them heal some. Often, seeking punishment for those that harmed us makes us scrape of the scabs off those wounds and they bleed again, going deeper into our flesh, spirits and souls.

My thing is find how to keep yourself safe. Be safe and heal as much as you can, the scars will always be there.

My last bit is this, By focussing on them and not on yourself and healing, you will continually have to relive the things they did. That only punishes you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Very well said...I agree completely. As I did the angry thing for years and years. All I got from it was more hatred within myself. Once I let go of the hatred and started working on myself, things were much easier for me.

We are all different, and learn at different rates, and times. I will say this again as a reminder for those who care to listen....Letting go of the anger and hatred does NOT mean that you condone, or that you have to forgive your abuser. It simple means that you let it go, and move onto yourself and your healing.....

 

[trial'n'error]

My mom, who abused me, and dad, who neglected me, were both horribly abused as children. also, my dad accidentally killed another kid with a gun when he was 5 years old. There is a reason he's emotionally dead. I'm sure they both have severe PTSD and probably other mental illnesses. I do wish they'd taken care of their issues before having children, but I don't see how punishment would help me or them. The whole thing is just sad.

Now the kids at school who humiliated and attacked me, I fantasized about doing all sorts of awful things to them when I was a kid. These days, I don't really care much. I'm sure (and I hope) their own pathetic lives and/or consciences are punishment enough.