Has Anyone Else Discovered How Incredibly Cruel People Can Be, To Those Of Us With Ptsd?

[Meadowsweet]

Itskismet, I have my own views as you have yours. But the post isn't about diamonds, or about me. It is about supporting someone who has suffered prejudice because she has PTSD and is triggered by that because of a previous abusive relationship.

Something that is common to hear from abusers is that the person being abused ought to be grateful for what they get and not complain (when they're complaining about the abuse), another common aspect of relationship abuse is being told that you are being abused because there is something wrong with you, the idea being that if there wasn't they wouldn't have to beat you. So being told to be grateful to loved ones because they want to fix you has the potential to really throw a spanner in the works for someone that has been in an abusive relationship.

So it was to offer HFA Cat support that I spoke up (HFA Cat also being a new member if that is of any significance).

 

[Diamonds]

That's ok..I have thick skin..
My husband has been living with the black dog for 20 yrs but it's been the last 5 yrs that my husband has hit rock bottom.. PTSD and Clinical Depression..
Suicidal, hospital admissions off and off.. Meds that makes him feel numb, zombie alike.. Spending days, wks, months just sleeping...
No income, no income support..

It's hard to see someone you love go through a illness that is not visible.
So all l was was saying is that please stop and see both sides...
My children has a non present father because he is too sick..
Us spouses love our husbands or wives who are ill..
But hey l will hold my husbands hand through this as l have for many of yrs...

 

[Tanishq]

For some reason, it is said majority of people spend their time on hatred. Let them.

@HFA_Cat Sorry you are going through this, but I would like to remind you there is still good in this world and there are still good people in this world.

 

[sun seeker]

It's hard to see someone you love go through a illness that is not visible.
So all l was was saying is that please stop and see both sides...

For sure. It sounds like you are doing a great job.

Can you hear the difference between supporting someone and trying to fix them though? That one word carries a lot of negative connotations. That's what raised the objections.

 

[Diamonds]

I understand that..
When you see someone you love mentally hurting my initial instincts was to try and FIX the problem.. It's a normal reaction..
But l have been having counselling to understand why we can only support not fix..
23 yrs of military services and l have supported 2 deployements oversea postings..
I feel that a forum is to view all sides without abuse..
Mmmmm l wonder..

 

[sun seeker]

When you see someone you love mentally hurting my initial instincts was to try and FIX the problem.. It's a normal reaction..

Fixing the problem is very different from fixing the person. Can you see that? One way, the two of you are on the same side, working together. The other, you are the fixer and the other person is the problem. There is no empowerment there.

 

[Diamonds]

Anyway thanks for your support, your a gem

 

[shimmerz]

that the person being abused ought to be grateful for what they get and not complain (when they're complaining about the abuse

This is so very true. People many times try to 'fix' me but have absolutely no frame of reference for what this life is like. A person without PTSD cannot possibly know what a person with PTSD is going through. Therefore, cannot fix the situation. For all of the times I have been damned for not 'doing what someone tells me to do', so that I will be fixed.

Anyway thanks for your support, your a gem

Sounds like you don't like being 'fixed' either Diamonds. I think it is a human nature thing. With or without PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Good luck wearing your ptsd glasses and playing the perpetual victim! God forbid it be misguided love and not malice! Gasp! But yes, let's put people in their place for not loving you the "right" way, ie because they're not mind readers!

 

[shimmerz]

Anyone else out there absolutely blown away by cruelty such as this? For me, it's a revelation and a really ugly one.

Interesting that this posting falls right in line with what you are stating here. Fixing, victim, all words to disempower, Good for you @HFA_Cat for reaching out and seeing what is happening. Keep moving forward and you may just find that your 'group of people' will change quite a bit. Look for those who attempt to support you.

Good luck wearing your ptsd glasses and playing the perpetual victim!

There is a difference between being victimized and being a victim. There is a process for moving through victimization. Victims stay stuck in a 'place' and that place can be curling up and taking it or insisting that people be kept at a great distance by being abrasive and crass. Either way - being a victim means no forward movement to resolve our reactions to past victimization. Understanding it and putting real effort into moving out of a comfort zone is how we get out.

Good for you OP for working on seeing what is going on around you and attempting to break out of it.

 

[Kailani]

It sucks that people intentionally try to push your buttons! That kind of behavior is awful! I wonder how people live with themselves intentionally harming people or animals for that matter! Fortunately I have had enough positive experiences with people with apparent hearts of gold to still give hope in humanity but to be honest i have found people always screw up even unintentionally. I'm sorry not good at tech stuff like quoting but I agree with another poster when they wrote about animals being the ones to be with (something like that). I can totally relate to Fadeaway's statement too-how people that were traumatized in some way seem to re-experience that over and over although they don't want that. It's like we have an invisible sign on our foreheads. A good thing I have learned is to always have a plan B-especially when you know someone is difficult to be around-sorry I have to go, or there's something I have to do... This has always helped diffuse the situation for the moment and can deal with it later on an agreed time. People are even unintentionally cruel to the developmentally challenged, people in wheelchairs, the elderly, burned people- It's like we live in a society that expects perfection but it's not reality! Sometimes people don't get it cuz they aren't the ones going through it. I just call ignorance and always try to remember that everyone has their own battle. I do feel for supporters too and also feel it's a choice. I personally sometimes want to move out of my own body so I don't want others around at that time.

 

[Anarchy]

@HFA_Cat
PTSD is a bitch (ok, I know I don't have to state what is obvious to you - just hoping you accept validation and hugs) and there are bullies out there who seem to live on the distress that they expect to cause in others...

Narcissistic behaviour, making them feel better by putting others down (or being gratuitous martyrs). Narcs creep me out to hell.

This is regardless of what @Diamonds did or didn't mean:
Co-dependant behaviours are absolutely toxic, for all concerned.

The last thing I want is some idiot thinking they know what is best for me, or attempting a rescue. Someone wanting the best for me when I was too young to object is probably a big part of why I'm here now, and I wouldn't put it past the same individual to try other things behind my back, now, half a century later... for my own good, of course.

The result would be an imediate "drama triangle"

Attempted rescue > playing the victim for "only trying to help" > going on the attack for me being "so ungrateful" > repeat