General I'm So Done

[Glara]

I'm so done with everything. My ex sufferer is being tested for cancer and I know he's stressed. I'm being tested for Cushings and feel like sh#t.

Today I heard some news about my father who hasn't spoken to me in almost 2 years over something ridiculous. He's 83 years old but I still can't have a relationship with him. I'm so upset with his inappropriate anger towards me. It's been like this my whole life and there is no way to fix it. Most of the time I just tell myself to let it go. It's difficult to do that now because everyone in my life has let me down all at the same time.

I've decided on a few things I can do but they're minimal and unfortunately, not the kind of things I really need to do. My current situation just won't allow those major changes at this time.

So I'm just done with everything. Done with Ed, done with my parents, even done with my daughter to a certain extent. I'm completely alone, can rely on no one for anything and have to find a way to live out the rest of my life this way.

 

[Tanishq]

Glara, I am sorry to hear that. Mabe your new life is waiting for you. I understand sometimes we can't solve major things. It's ok to feel done and tired with all things. Obviously you have been trying to solve and help so many people all life and now you are feeling done. Makes sense to me. Let's look at positive side. You tried to solve them, didn't you? You tried to do your best, I don't think you should feel bad.

I think it is time to receive help as you have given. Try to get some rest first. So you feel open enough to receive things.

Mabe it is time to think about what new things can enter in your life and sparkle up? Mabe it's time to think new positive, good and caring can enter in your life. You deserve them. You deserve love from your friends.

Big Hug if you accept and need. :hug:

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Glara

I can relate to feeling so alone and abandoned and let down. :hug:

 

[technigirl]

Hi Glara,
I'm so sorry that you feel this bad. I can relate somewhat My father also doesn't speak to me, over something stupid. I've come to realize though that if someone cuts you off like that, it's usually not about you. More than likely, it's some issue of his, and not really anything you have done. In fact, in all the cases you named, I'm guessing it's less about you and more about their own problems. Just remember, you can't change other people or their actions, and you aren't responsible for them. I hope that you find new beginnings soon. I found this quote somewhere, not sure who wrote it, but it helped me:

"A lonely, isolated season, like winter, is the ultimate reset button. A time for rest, reading, preparing, and more time to fall in love with ourselves. Not from a place of ego, but from a place of self-worth. Then, as the sun begins to shine again and the birds begin to sing, we enter a new season of friendships and growth."

 

[Glara]

@technigirl i guess that's kind of my plan. I'm planning not to go out much unless it's with someone that will pay for themselves lol. When I do go anywhere it's going to be cheap or free so I can save money and pay my bills off. (I'm not in over my head but I want to pay off my car and my upcoming vacation with my daughter) . I'm going to clean out my closets and dressers, learn how to remove wallpaper and paint my bathroom, and just keep walking my dogs. I'm sad but at least I'll be accomplishing something which should feel good.

As for my dad, I know his his issue but it doesn't make it feel any better. He's been like this my whole life, and not just to me. Of course I'm attracted to someone with PTSD its what I'm used to. I'm just always letting my guard down with relationships and friendships and always get burned. How do you not take it personally? How do you not think its you? That's why I think I need to be done with people and parties for a while.

The people on this forum are the only people that know me anymore.

 

[Wastinglight]

Hi @Glara.I'm so sorry to hear you're not doing well. I hope your tests come back negative. Hugs if you want them.

Reading about your dad, it made me wonder how much our relationships with our fathers influence our choice of partners later in life. I've been reflecting on my relationship with my dad lately. We are very close now but when I was young, he was very hard on us and was emotionally distant, right up until my early twenties. Has this got something to do with my being attracted to emotionally unavailable men? Just a thought...

 

[Glara]

@Wastinglight I'm sure that has a lot to do with who we choose. In my case it's sad because my dad is very old and he will probably die and it will never be resolved. He was very hard on all of us but me in particular because I'm a girl. But in my family he was like this everyone. I'm not close with my cousins because he didn't speak to his sister. (My other cousins don't live nearby) I barely knew my grandparents because he didn't speak to them. And as a kid my father moved us a lot, so I never made close, lifelong friends.

As I posted last in my diary, feel like I'm suddenly over all of it. My sufferer, my dad, my lack of friends. I have plenty of aquaintances to keep myself busy. I have no one that I'm truly connected to. I didn't spend the night checking my phone, because I'm not thinking about him anymore. I'm not looking for someone to be able to talk to if I have a problem or decision, or someone to do things I enjoy with. I'm just going to be alone, focus on taking care of my home, saving money etc. If one of my aquaintances invites me to do something, I may do it. If theres something I really want to do, I'll have to do it alone or forget about it. I'm done. It's a relief. I will never get emotionally connected to anyone again.

 

[Tanishq]

I will never get emotionally connected to anyone again.

I hear you, but if you look at bright side we can say you have emotions. Now please can you show me this in others, in today's world? Majority of people don't have emotions and on top of it they even don't know what is it to have emotions in one's within.

You will connect with right and true people, soon. Please hang in there. It is asking for some little more time.

 

[Wastinglight]

My sufferer, my dad, my lack of friends. I have plenty of aquaintances to keep myself busy. I have no one that I'm truly connected to. I didn't spend the night checking my phone, because I'm not thinking about him anymore. I'm not looking for someone to be able to talk to if I have a problem or decision, or someone to do things I enjoy with. I'm just going to be alone, focus on taking care of my home, saving money etc. If one of my aquaintances invites me to do something, I may do it. If theres something I really want to do, I'll have to do it alone or forget about it. I'm done. It's a relief. I will never get emotionally connected to anyone again.

Yeah, I know this feeling as well. I actually think that one of the reasons I spend so much time focusing on, and worrying about, my relationship with my guy, is because I don't have a strong network of friends, and my family all live interstate. I am trying to shift my focus more on to myself, by working on my change of career. It helps a bit.

And as for having to go do stuff by yourself? Yep, I've got that problem as well. Partly because the few friends I do have aren't interested in the same sorts of things that I like doing (when we get together, we always do what they want to do). And my guy? Well, he's agoraphobic, so asking him to accompany me anywhere other than the shops or the shooting range is just not going to happen most of the time.

It doesn't surprise me at all that so many research studies show that a person's happiness and health is linked very strongly to how strong their social networks are. Well, at least we have this forum :).

I totally understand your desire to not become emotionally connected to anyone again. It hurts so much when someone rips your heart out. My guy and I had both sworn never to get emotionally evolved again after our previous relationships, but then we found each other. It's still hard work, and I know I would probably be less stressed out if I was alone, but it's still worth it.

You never know what's around the corner for you. Hang in there. It will get better.