It's not anything new really. I can't remember a time when my parents weren't neglecting/yelling slurs/ or otherwise putting me down. My mom was an alcoholic who died from the same at the very end of last year - it happened suddenly, and the doctor said it was painless. Life with her was horrible though, in the months before she kept calling the police home saying things like I was beating her or not feeding her - all of which were lies.
The police came and basically asked me why I allowed her to even have a phone. I didn't dare take it away, because then she would find another phone and call the police with again. I was depressed after she died, mostly because my dad left me and my younger sister to take care of her and walked out to live with his girlfriend four years ago stating that he had no responsibility. I did my best, no one even let me put her in rehab. I could barely focus in school, but I did my best to help her despite what she did to me.
After she died, my older sister who only comes home when she runs out of money gave me hell for six months. She mostly degraded my life choices, yelled obscenities and most of it involved putting down anything and everything I ever accomplished. She then told people I was the one who hit her in an effort to cover for her boyfriend who had beaten her up. Of course my relatives believed her. I am half her size and severely underweight - that too because of something she and my mom did, but that's another story.
My dad was constantly dropping financial threats the whole time, even when mum was alive. Finally when I thought it was over - he comes right back with how stupid and pathetic I am and how I don't have any rights. I really don't think I can take this anymore. I have been sick for a week, and today when he called and when he dropped another financial threat, I realized that I couldn't take it anymore. I have a lump in my throat that I was planning on seeing a doctor about. Guess I won't be able to afford that either. I wish I knew what I did to be surrounded by such people all the time.
But I am really beginning to wonder if I have an option outside of killing myself. It seems that the only way I can ever take control of my life is by ending it.
The police came and basically asked me why I allowed her to even have a phone. I didn't dare take it away, because then she would find another phone and call the police with again. I was depressed after she died, mostly because my dad left me and my younger sister to take care of her and walked out to live with his girlfriend four years ago stating that he had no responsibility. I did my best, no one even let me put her in rehab. I could barely focus in school, but I did my best to help her despite what she did to me.
After she died, my older sister who only comes home when she runs out of money gave me hell for six months. She mostly degraded my life choices, yelled obscenities and most of it involved putting down anything and everything I ever accomplished. She then told people I was the one who hit her in an effort to cover for her boyfriend who had beaten her up. Of course my relatives believed her. I am half her size and severely underweight - that too because of something she and my mom did, but that's another story.
My dad was constantly dropping financial threats the whole time, even when mum was alive. Finally when I thought it was over - he comes right back with how stupid and pathetic I am and how I don't have any rights. I really don't think I can take this anymore. I have been sick for a week, and today when he called and when he dropped another financial threat, I realized that I couldn't take it anymore. I have a lump in my throat that I was planning on seeing a doctor about. Guess I won't be able to afford that either. I wish I knew what I did to be surrounded by such people all the time.
But I am really beginning to wonder if I have an option outside of killing myself. It seems that the only way I can ever take control of my life is by ending it.
