Yelled At By Psych Doc! Called Me An Addict!!!

[Marymickaela]

This actually won't help. Here are a few things that, if you focus on them, could make a difference after about a week.

• No food 3 hours before bed (this will help the acid reflux too); limit liquids, and none with carbonation, sweetener, or fat
• No screens 2 hours before bed, including computer, phone, tablet, TV
• Keep physically active as best you can, up til an hour before bedtime (light activity, like picking up around the home, an easy walk, just trying to avoid prolonged sitting)
• Develop a bedtime ritual, and do it mindfully - so, if you are brushing your teeth, just pay attention to brushing your teeth. Ditto for anything else. The last part of the ritual could be sitting and reading for 30 minutes, or meditation - just think, gentle activity. Personally, I like crossword puzzles (on paper).
• When you go to bed, try a recording of binaurals (google Dr. Jeffery Thompson for some good ones), or a sleep induction. Tell yourself clearly that you are going to lie there and rest, try and avoid the pressure to sleep.
• If you are still awake an hour later, get up again and go back to the last part of your ritual.

I know it's really annoying, and simple, and it's all stuff you've heard before, I'm sure. But really, creating good sleep hygiene is very akin to sleep training. Your system will adjust and catch on. It's much harder with your thyroid issues, but not impossible.

Also, seconding Link Removed on how the meds can cause the reflux - that has definitely happened to me a few times. If prilosec isn't working for you, get pantoprazole (protonix) - prilosec didn't work for me, the panto. did. But the diet adjustments are the most important thing, hands down. The 6 inch elevation doesn't actually do anything (according to multiple ENTs I've worked with) - so if the elevation is potentially causing sleep disturbance, I'd suggest getting rid of it.

I really like your suggestions and yes, I've heard many before, esp. after my sleep study at Mayo where I was dx'd with sleep apnea. If you only knew how many meditations I have it would boggle your mind, but I'm going to go onto ITunes and put some new ones on my IPhone. I do have a bedtime routine, my room is dark and I wear ear plugs as I'm super sensitive to noise. I do need to practice more mindfulness thou and will work on that. Just saw my therapist and she suggested I start working on my quilting again. I told her I had already returned to doing that. I finished my grandbaby's quilt and am currently working on a quilt to give my husband for Christmas. I'm going to ask the ENT about the med you suggested. I can take Prevecid, but found out my new insurance won't cover that one for whatever reason. With the acid reflux the throat clearing was the worst. It was constant. I don't know how my husband could stand listening to me.

 

[Marymickaela]

My trauma therapist got my in today as an emergency appt. and boy did I get a lot out. I told her about my psych appt. and that it triggered so many painful memories of when I was hospitalized before and after my breakdown in 2003. Plus there was a period where I was in treatment to get off Vicodin and that was traumatizing as they weren't doing it correctly, which is how I ended up inpatient. I won't go into all the details, but did talk about it with my therapist and the feeling of being so alone with no supports and really bad doctors.

She wanted us to do EMDR going back to my earliest memories and the times I felt this way. We spent a lot of time doing EMDR and boy did I connect to my emotions and was sobbing and sobbing talking about past traumas. When I started doing EMDR in July I told her not to expect me to cry as I couldn't remember the last time I did. Well I think it was either our 1st or 2nd session and there I was crying and even had her crying. Now that I'm off the Celexa I'm crying just from looking at a picture of an abandoned dog that’d been rejected by his adopted family and returned to the shelter. If you'd seen that pic you'd have cried too.

I read her the letter I'm writing to my psych doc and she thought it was a good idea but needed a lot of work to make it more concise. I ramble and it is 3 pages long right now. I left her office feeling drained and exhausted and thinking "I think I could sleep tonight". It was dark when I left and I forgot that my eyes have gotten so bad I'm not supposed to drive at night. I took the back roads to avoid traffic.

Last April I fell totally backwards in the bathroom hitting my head and shoulder. I lived in pain in my shoulder for months and it was only after my psych doc said he thought the pain was waking me up I decided to get it checked out. I ended up with a completely torn tendon in my rotator cuff, which will never heal without surgery.

In July my psych doc told me he thought I wasn’t sleeping due to my snoring waking me up. I had a sleep study in August and actually slept (without sleeping pills). My dx. was Upper Airway Resistance (snoring). My insurance won’t cover the device that stops snoring as I didn’t have enough apneas. Sometime in September I started running fevers and other things I’ve already mentioned.

I haven’t had a front tooth since March, but will finally ($8,000 later) be getting it in 2 days. My poor husband is the one who’s had to look at me all the time (toothless). That will make me feel so much better. The crown my dentist replaced in January broke last Monday while eating a piece of pineapple. I'm interviewing a new dentist Wed.

Thank you for listening and for your insights and suggestions. They are truly appreciated. As I told my therapist I have no one to talk to so getting it out on this sight did help, even if some things that were said “hurt”, I know where some of you were coming from. We don’t always need “you poor baby”, but if one doesn’t have all the details it hurts to be judged. I still appreciate your taking the time to give me your input.

Finally, even after this grueling therapy session I didn’t come home and take a pill, stress eat or anything unhealthy, so, and sorry if you disagree, I’m patting myself on the back. We’re keeping our normal weekly session for later in the week as I feel I need it.

 

[DharmaGirl]

@Cashew - Thank you.

 

[Marymickaela]

I know this isn't related to my original post, but I needed to say this somewhere. I saw my Internist today about these fevers I've been running for over 2 months. It was 100 this morning on my thermometer after being normal the past 5 days. Of course on their's it was only 99.3. So we talked and I felt stupid for even going in. She kept asking me how I felt when I said I just said I felt sick, but I couldn't say anywhere specific. So nothing seemed to be resolved. As she was getting ready to walk out of the room said "let's do a urinalyisis". I didn't feel I had a bladder infection. So I gave the urine and went back to the room to wait for her to come back and say "everything's normal, you just run higher then normal temps". She finally popped in and said "you have a moderate amount of blood in your urine". " I'd like to recheck it in a week and if there's still blood we'll do a CAT-Scan as it could be a kidney stone, no wonder you don't feel good", and walked out of the room.

I'm now freaking out as I came home and of course had to research it. One site said that the #1 cause of blood in your urine is kidney cancer. Well that's what my mom died of. She was 1 year younger (63) then I am now. It was a horrible way to die as by the time they caught it it had spread thru-out her body. I cared for her the last few weeks and was with her when she died. I had cancer when I was 26 and a 3 hr. surgery while 6 mo. pregnant and my maternal grandma died of cancer at 68. I'm so anxious about this, but can't even take anything or I'll be called an addict and I'm still not sleeping, going on 10 days now.

I finally got my front tooth this afternoon that broke last March. The dentist's assistant sat with me and listened while I told her how scared I am. Talking about it I started crying. Of course it could be nothing and I know there's nothing I can do, it's out of my hands at this point so what's the use of worrying. I know all this, but can't help thinking of my mom and what she went thru. While on the Celexa I never ever cried, now I can't stop. I just feel numb and the not sleeping isn't helping.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Ronin]

@Marymickaela, don't buy everything the internet says. Do you know that site's background? I bet you it's paid for by a company in cancer research business.

And even IF the cause n.1 was cancer, that still does not mean it's what's happening for you. I figure your doc would be more urgent about subsequent testings if cancer was the worry on her mind.

 

[Marymickaela]

She said kidney stone, but just threw that out there, and it could be. If it is a kidney stone, why am I not having symptoms? I go back in a week and then it's on to a Cat Scan.

 

[Ronin]

As far as I gathered, you ARE having symptoms, blood in your urine for one?

It really depends on the size & position & what of your system are the stones effecting. It's not like you're going to have textbook examples & aaaall of them symptoms with the same condition.

Not a medic, here. Just saying: don't panic. Just because you're aware of the worse possibilities, does not mean they're what's happening or going to happen.

 

[Marymickaela]

As far as I gathered, you ARE having symptoms, blood in your urine for one?

It really depends on the size & position & what of your system are the stones effecting. It's not like you're going to have textbook examples & aaaall of them symptoms with the same condition.

Not a medic, here. Just saying: don't panic. Just because you're aware of the worse possibilities, does not mean they're what's happening or going to happen.

I know what you're saying and I'm telling myself all that and trying to do self-talk to not jump to conclusions. It's just the hell I went thru with my mom that's triggering me. See my therapist again tomorrow so maybe that will help. I'm going to distract myself with my quilting to keep me busy. Haven't mailed my letter to my psych doc yet, but have it down to 1 page. Would love to tell him all the stress I'm dealing with, but am still so angry and I tell myself he doesn't care anyway. I know I'm being childish.

 

[Ronin]

@Marymickaela, you're being worried, understandably so, nothing childish there. ;)

Please let us know how that meeting goes, we'll be here for you, alright?

 

[Ocean5]

It's understandable to worry after such comments. From relative's experiences I agree if cancer was major concern you'd get more urgent testing.

You are going through so much. Hang-in there. Stay strong. You will get through this.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Marymickaela - oh that would be so hard to hear. My own mother has battled breast cancer several times and if anything comes up that even remotely suggests cancer of any kind, I fall apart. It's it's own trigger. I just get freaked out. My heart goes out to you. Keep up the good work you have been doing to handle all of this in healthy ways like you have been doing.

I agree with the caution to worry too much about cancer based on anything read online. It might be worthwhile to put a call into your doc and tell her that the symptom has you very worried and unable to sleep. She might be able to help put your mind at ease. I have done this a few times myself, and it's helped a lot.

Blood in the urine is actually a really common symptom of many conditions, and sometimes happens for no known reason at all. This is why your doctor is checking to see if the symptom persists or not, before doing other testing. It is good that she is looking into it further and going to recheck next week. If the symptom continues, it might be a good idea to consult with a decent urologist, they would probably get to the bottom of it the quickest.

I have blood in my urine and low grade fevers on a regular basis whenever I am under high stress. In my case, it is due to a variant form of interstitial cystitis, an autoimmune disease. People with PTSD have higher rates of autoimmune disease than the normal population and it always gets worse for me under stress.

Does your doctor do regular checks of renal function? Having blood in the urine can be a sign of medication related kidney damage. This can happen with on-going Klonopin use or abuse, and can also happen with a couple of the other medications you are on. Klonopin is excreted by the kidneys your doc should be checking renal function from time to time anyhow, and be able to compare the results over time. If she's not checking, probably a good time to start, but no reason to worry. Just something to monitor.

I really hope that whatever is going on, it can be something that is easy and simple to treat and resolve! The good news is that no matter what it is, they are looking into it now. I hope you find some peace and comfort today in the middle of waiting for more information. :hug:

 

[Marymickaela]

OK! I found some Urinalysis testing strips on Amazon. 100 strips for around $15. They cover 10 parameters with blood being 1 of them. Supposedly they are the same kind used in doctor’s offices. I received them Saturday. My rationale was if nothing showed up I wouldn't have to wait a week worrying. Well the block showing blood turned totally green. The insert said that any green is significant, even if it's a couple spots of green. So of course I freaked out more. Sunday it was more normal with just a few flecks of green in the yellow. I took the urine sample over to the doctors this afternoon. I re-tested my urine after I came home and it's green again.

What's interesting is it seems to be showing a small amt. of protein and the bilirubin block was a dark peach which also wasn't normal. I don't know what Specific Gravity means, but that was way off too. When we got the strips I had my husband do a test strip and all ten parameters were completely normal. I should be hearing from them tomorrow.

I saw my therapist last Thursday and we did EMDR on my cancer. I said it's been 38 years (1977), but still follows me. I just saw my Endocrinologist in Oct. and even thou my TSH level was within normal he didn't like the fact the #’s were more towards hypo and said if it wasn't for my cancer he wouldn't worry. So he increased my med dose. Five years after my original cancer in 1982 I had a scan that showed a tiny piece of tissue was left the size of a pencil eraser. The Endo specialist wanted me to have radiation to get rid of that tiny piece and said the odds of it spreading or the cancer returning was less than 99%, but if it did return it would kill me. So of course I agreed to have radiation.

It meant going off my Synthroid med (that keeps me alive) over a 6 week period until my TSH reaches 50 and I'm completely hypothyroid. I was then hospitalized in a room with one of those orange triangles on the door. Three doctors came in dressed in space suits carrying a lead container with a straw containing the radioactive iodine. I drank it and they left. I was alone in that room for three days in horrible pain, crying constantly. They couldn't give me anything for the pain as I had no metabolism and could go into a coma they said. The nurse would rush in set down my food tray down and quickly leave. I remember everything being covered in cellophane. By the 2nd or 3rd day someone started coming in and would wave a Geiger counter over my body. It had to be below certain # before it was safe to discharge me.

I’ve had two more scans over the years to ensure there’s no cancer so it always involved that 6 week period until I was rendered completely hypothyroid with a TSH of 50 before they could do the scan. The last was 1996 and I’ve never had any recurrence. My husband has always remarked that I’ve never been the same since my cancer.

I also talked about the horrible pain of my mom’s cancer and death and did lots of crying during our session. For whatever reason, the last two EMDR sessions have helped relieve my anxiety so much you wouldn’t believe it. It’s amazing!!! I also read her my letter I wrote my psych doc and had gotten it down from 3 pages to 1. She felt it was good, but needed to still be a little shorter and I should take more ownership, which confused me. So I have rewritten it several times and tried to take responsibility for self-medicating. I ended the letter saying (if he agreed) I’d like to have my Klonopin down to 3mg by our next appointment next Tuesday. I said if he disagreed or would like to discuss what I had to say in the letter to please call me. I have gotten my Klonopin down to 3mg.


This post is way too long (sorry), but I just want to say my sleep has improved so much, without sleeping pills, due to some changes I’ve made in my bedtime routine. I’ve also started to seriously pray. I found my great-grandma’s prayer book. I remember seeing her sit for hours every day reading that book. I’m also listening to my EMDR meditations. They’re by “Liborio Conti” and fantastic and healing.

Will let you know what the doctor says. Thanks for listening and for your support.