Everything is New - Relearning After Trauma

[Mel911]

Is anyone else going through the experience of having to learn everything all over again? It's been explained to me that my treatment has broken down everything I knew and I'm having to re-learn how to handle stressful situations, interacting with people, dealing with being upset and confused, even my taste in music and food has changed. The biggest problem, and I've mentioned it before, is my best friend and I are doing nothing but arguing all the time. I think this is directly related to what I'm going through with the treatment but I'm so confused that I asked her today if our friendship is over. Yeah, I know most of you have said that if they are not willing to hang with you through the tough times in treatment, then they are not your true friend. I can't believe this statement is true for her but I am at a loss. Everything is a new experience, I handle being angry differently, sad, stress....It's driving me crazy since I use to be able to handle it and now it seems I can't and to make it worse, my best friend wont' even give me the time of day if I ask. I dont' know what to do and I have NO other support system. She said she would be there for me through this and she's turned her back on me. What do I do??????
People look and see an adult but what they don't get is how confusing it is to not understand how a comment, action, music, movie, etc.. is going to affect you. I'm SO confused, frustraighted and upset. I have no place else to go for support either and no place to hang out, other than her house. I don't know what to do????

 

[ga yankee]

I think all of us are in the same boat in some way but I'll only speak for myself: I have had my entire world turned upside down by this. My therapy is teaching me (or trying) to see things completely differently, feel, react, accept....hell there's too much to even write. But yes, I feel like my whole self and existence have been turned inside out. I wanted to do it all at once. I have been in such a rush to get better that I beat myself up when I don't react the right way or fall back into old patterns. I've been told this is all worth it but that doesn't make it any easier.!

As for friends...I've lost and gained them through all of this. I've found that they reach a breaking point too when it gets to be too much. And it does get to be too much sometimes. For us and for them. I've learned to back off and recognize they have lives too. I see I'm part of their life but not all of it. It's a very difficult balance to find because I've never asked for help before. I've always been the one to take care of them so I just assumed they would be there for me in the same way. That's not necessarily true so I've had to learn boundaries. That takes tons of patience and trial and error.

 

[SweetpinNH]

Parts of my life are upside down. Everything I did for last 14 years on my job no longer appeal to me. Actually I can't even stand the thought of ever working in an office again.

My taste in TV shows (other my beloved football, baseball and golf) has changed a little. The changes have happened more so since I've been out of work and had to learn what is on TV during the day. I used to be a news junkie, now I can hardly watch the daily news.

I've never been one to have a large social network so now that being in a large group is hard I have an excuse to avoid it.

Someone said to me tonight that I am learning to build a new me. I like that thought and have embraced it. I like learning about the new me.

 

[dust]

I'm still in the process of being broken down, but have noticed that I don't know how to handle situations that I would have got through without batting an eye before. I have a new history that I didn't know I had before and I am learning about my new self. The friends thing is complicated, but in relation to the new self that is emerging, I find that the qualities I want in my friends are changing.

 

[warrior]

I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD some months ago, after having been struggling a lot for years on end. Since my diagnosis, I find myself changing a lot, I mean, A LOT!

I have learnt it is extremely important to recovery, to be gentle with myself. A more gentle way of looking at all the changes we (as PTSD sufferers) are going through, I feel, is see that our true self is emerging during our healing. The essence of therapy is not so much to break down our old self, but to gently remove all the obstacles, so that our true self can emerge unhindered. Just like a tree that naturally grows towards the sunlight, I believe human beings too naturally grow towards wholeness, as long as the blockages are removed.

Things are turning around for me in a big way. It has been very disorienting for some months. It is indeed like learning every from scratch literally. It is absolutely overwhelming. But my brilliant therapist told me, it will settle down. And indeed, the last few weeks things are calmer.

It is very important to be gentle with yourself through all the changes. For me, the key through all the changes and turmoil has been reminding myself daily to do whatever I can to stay stable and safe, as much as I can.

warrior

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Oh yeah I can definately relate to that! My therapist said not only was I hurt physically but also my sense of what is right and what is wrong and all the messages I got and accepted as truth or now suspect and that is a lot of relearning to do. YIKES! I know it seems overwhelming. I sometimes (often) doubt if I have it in me to make it, but so far I am still going to keep plugging away.

 

[LostGirl]

I can relate. And I've heard over and over that being gentle with oneself is important. However, I have a very hard time with that. I find myself hating myself, especially all the younger parts inside me, and struggling to have compassion for them and what they went through and how they tried to protect me so that I might at least survive. But I am definitely in pieces; I did not survive whole. And trying to put pieces back together again, yet forming a different picture that I don't know what it looks like because I don't have the box, it's been hell.

 

[fallout]

I feel you all...I'm currently having trouble accepting that the "old me" is essentially worthless to me now. I feel so shafted when I think of all the work I put in trying to make it through the pain, and all I get for that is an opportunity to do a bunch more work to make a functioning person out of myself. I'm 19, but apparently I learned nothing of use about living life and myself during childhood so I have to start from 0 again, developmentally speaking. I have nothing to gain by getting stuck on bitterness though...at least I have a chance at happiness this time around. It's just so infuriating.

 

[Mercy]

relearning-unlearning

Oh yeah I can definately relate to that! My therapist said not only was I hurt physically but also my sense of what is right and what is wrong and all the messages I got and accepted as truth or now suspect and that is a lot of relearning to do. YIKES! I know it seems overwhelming. I sometimes (often) doubt if I have it in me to make it, but so far I am still going to keep plugging away.

So much of what I 'knew' about the world was distorted. I didn't ask for it...children are not seductors of adults unless they are strictly and harshly taught to be. The phrase, good girl goood girl ..was usually the perpetrator's voice while he was busy with me. What does good mean??? so many distortions so much to unlearn...:hello:

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I was once where you were and I pushed all of my friends away so I could focus on myself only, in order to heal. I didn't even realize I did it until my best friend wrote me a nasty e-mail.

I told her my situation and that her perception of what was going on in my life was wrong. Once I felt I was able to re-join society and make new friends and rekindle old friendships I had to cut ties with a toxic friend, and it ended badly.

The positive side of ridding myself of toxic people and friends is that my friendship has become stronger with my "best friend". We are more open and honest with each other about how to handle each others issues, and to always be truthful even if the truth hurts.

I'm sorry you have no other support system but you certainly don't want to push your friend back into a corner. Try to visit more groups on healing other symptoms you have as a result of PTSD. That is what I did and I found a lot of support from members in those groups and they could relate to my issues much better than my friends.

As we grow and change we will outgrow some people and vise versa. Just because she can't handle your situation doesn't mean she isn't a true friend it means she is human and has her own issues to deal with.

If you need social interaction as opposed to just internet support there are all types of self help groups to join. I know of AA, ALONON, Eating Disorder, Rape Crisis Center and these are all free.

Good luck!
T~

 

[katapuss]

Yesz I definitely feel I have had to "start over" and starting "from scratch". And it is definitely overwhelming at first.

and can so relate to this "The essence of therapy is not so much to break down our old self, but to gently remove all the obstacles, so that our true self can emerge unhindered. Just like a tree that naturally grows towards the sunlight, I believe human beings too naturally grow towards wholeness, as long as the blockages are removed. "