"maybe You Need To Get Your Meds Checked"

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Ok, I need to vent this out.

I feel ridiculous that Im so emotional over a few statements. Logic is not helping me in this moment.

I called my "mental health advocate". Technology, my wounded warrior councelor the military assigned to me 3 years ago when they medically discharged me. I rarely talk to her or use this resource because I always feel guilt, like she should be spending her time on other VETS that are more worthy. Anyways, this is a whole other topic. But my point is, things are bad and I finally reached out to her.

After a long conversation with her and her helping me navagate a few things, she says some things that kinda hurt me. Examples like "everyone has hard stuff" "you need to just...." and "I do the exact same thing. I totally understand"

Grated, these were not blantent hurtful or malicious statements by any means and I truly believe her heart is in the right place. But it was the tone she delivered it in, and the context of the conversation. I got off the phone feeling even worse and more useless than I did before I called.

Normally, I would have just ignored all future calls from her, withdraw, isolate, and retreated feeling more helpless, but somewhere inside me I thought: No, if she is making me feel bad, I can't be alone in this so I will send her a kind, thoughtful email about how those statements made me feel, and with the understanding that her heart was in the right place. Just as with any trauma survivor, it's may be difficult to hear that "you understand" and things like "she knew exactly what I was going through and....everyone has hard things. " of coarse worded different and more professional. My point to her was, yes, everyone has hard things. It's not a competition. Hard is hard. I don't pretend to assume my hard is anymore superior or inferior to anyone elses. I find statements like that hurtful and counter-productive. Trauma changed my perspective on life and when I hear everyone has hard things, I hear another version of: "Let it go and your not that special" basically I hear the message of "its all in my head" which implies I have have all the control.

Anyways. After my carefully worded email with more emphasis placed on the gratitude on her role in my life and how much I value her and thanking her, I get a call.

She left an urgent message on my machine stating she got my email is was highly concerned. That she felt I may need to get my medication re-evulatied and to see someone immediately"

What?? First of all, I'm not on medication and under the care of a prominent psychistrist who 100% supports this decision.

Secondly, of coarse I need help. That's why I contacted her in the first place? But her calling me with an urgent message specifically after that email futhur compounds the issue.

I feel hurt by her. Who starts off with "we need to get your meds checked" im sorry that feels insulting to me. Maybe if it was blended into a conversation.... by her tone.... I feel confused. I wish I could attach my email for you all to pick apart.

I'm trying to be logical, but this is just another reason I have concerns for reaching out in the first place?! It's like calling a mental health patient "crazy" that's an insult and unprofessional.

 

[LuckyDuck]

I'd ask her what in the email made her think that. Break down bit by bit through her own reasoning why her assumptions are false.

Sometimes red flags can show up in email that aren't really red flags but just how emails are interpreted.

That really sucks that she went there. It sounds like you have a person who doesn't have enough time for all the case loads and just can't keep track.

LD

 

[.45 Princess]

First I need to say that you should definitely NOT feel guilty whatsoever for seeking treatment that you are entitled to. You are just as worthy as anyone else who is wounded.
I've heard quite a few vets say and feel the same way (one of them being my boyfriend) so I imagine it might create more hesitation but good for you. You're still seeking help!

I also understand how hearing a third party person who hasn't had a trauma saying they "understand completely/been through similar circumstances etc." isn't the most pleasant... It actually pisses me the f*ck off to be honest when to interact with someone who acts like they can feel all of your pain and emotions.
My boyfriend had the hardest time with the that along with the "know it all idiots" while trying to transition back into civvie life. He had a whole "I don't trust civilians with my trauma" thing before treatment and meeting me.

As for the phone call?
I'm not sure if there was anything alarming? Maybe you thanking her etc. made her jump to conclusions that you're saying "goodbye"? I'm not sure.
It sounds like she could use a bit of touching up on her patient care skills a bit. I'm sorry to hear :(
Are you getting treated through the VA if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

Thanks @LuckyDuck , great advice! When I calm down and can be less emotional about it, I think that's a great plan.

Thank you @.45 Princess . I don't know why hearing it "pisses you off" actually gave me a little smile. And it's incredibly meaningful coming from a significant other that lives and breathes with PTSD in their home. That's my fiance now too. He feels a little defensive for me especially after taking a few classes at the VA specifically about PTSD and why it's not "all in the head" and the more educated we both get the more infurating the lack of consideration, education, and understanding their is on PTSD across the board.

Yeah, I did the VA thing off an on. Actually up until the therapist thought it would be helpful to show me the HBO special "war torn" during my 2nd visit. Took me 3 months to stop screaming at night after that visit, and the first time I had ever even contemplated the idea of suicide. That scared me so much I reached out to a civilian. And have made it clear, that will NEVER be an option. Nor would hurting anyone either.

So the VA and I, let's just say, I have concerns. I don't want to feel all conspiracy theory about it, but I can't help it.... twice they gave me meds that almost killed me, and then the VA therapy incident, theN another incident where my Dentist screamed at me.

That's why I reached out to her. I guess I assumed since she was my "advocate" she could help me screen the next therapist & ensure I was in good hands. I'm confident I stressed to her that I was not suicidal, homicidal, or feeling violent. So not sure what other flags I could have displayed. She understands my convictions on that as my EX committed suicide and the aftermath I had with my daughter. Unfortunately, I now realize she clearly has not been educated on how to handle or communicate with trauma patients. It's sad.

I'm asking her to help me, yet I feel like she is in a position to just make it more difficult for me, and now I regret asking for help.

 

[.45 Princess]

Thanks @LuckyDuck , great advice! When I calm down and can be less emotio...

I definitely get heated when ignorant people act all high and mighty saying they "know and understand all the pain" regardless of whether or not they got a degree and learned PTSD from textbooks or if they've just "heard about it".

My boyfriend gets more irritated/raged when people talk about combat/related PTSD and my blood starts boiling when people joke around about child abuse and SA. He and I both understand though so I guess it's working so far lol. We both know even if we share our traumas in details we will never know "personally" and I think that's what brought us closer.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with the VA. Though they've made "improvements" it's still infuriating how much they're still f*cking up.
I was really surprised my boyfriend was able to get into the inpatient MTRP program so quickly and how well they treated him there. Outpatient still seems to be lacking though...

Which service are you meeting with your advocate through?
It seems like those "advocates" are NOT trained to deal with PTSD patients what so ever! That's ridiculous.... I'm sorry you have to experience that :(

 

[The Albatross]

I'd go with the med assessment. Check off the box, what you got to lose?

 

[.45 Princess]

I'd go with the med assessment. Check off the box, what you got to lose?

@Myanxietyhasanxiety - might not be a bad idea. Just to cover all your bases? ;)

 

[The Albatross]

I would also examine "she is making me feel bad".

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

I called her back after some kind words &;coaching from my fiance. He said just let her talk and hear her out on what plans she came up with, and he said something helpful "you don't have to share any more with her than your comfortable sharing"

So I did. Called her back. After all that, days of back and forth, she just instructed me to call the VA myself and make an appointment. ( which I did, appt is tomm) but what the heck? Really. What's the point of the advocate?

I'm so confused on her role & how it's helpful to my life. I called her in the first place because I had previously called the VA. I thought she could help me streamline the process and find a therapist that was best suited for the trauma I suffered. Obviously I could have just set up my own appt.

Frustrating.

@.45 Princess my advocate came from the AirForce but I deployed with Joint Forces due to my position at the time.

It was clear she wanted to talk more about "life" but I just don't have it in me today.

Yep, it's clear the more I think on it, she has not been privileged to training on PTSD. I just re-hashed a few handful of previous conversations with her in my head over the past 3 years. And many of them ended with me feeling hurt and wounded even further. This is the first time I have ever been empowered enough to speak up for myself. I'm sure that came as a shock to her. It took me a long time to realize that I was teaching others how to treat me. I somehow taught her that it's ok to say insensitive things to me through the years and I will take it. Like when she told me that I was "I was lucky the military retired me at 100%... with her tone of contemptment. I should have then said "lucky" is not a word i would use. I wish I would have said to her that I didn't see it that way, and they could shove their retirement in their asses if that meant having my life back. I cant image you would tell someone with Cancer they are "Lucky" to get disability. It's not like PTSD is a prize won. It life-shattering!

I am finally getting a voice in my life. I over being re-traumatized repeatedly.

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

@The Albatross - just there last week, but happy to do it again.

I realize the fault in my thinking " making me feel bad."

My point is more, she specializing in helping wounded VETS get back on their feet. I would just think the job title alone would be trained to be a little more sensitive to those needs.

Fortunately, I'm at a place where I am able to get the help now and speak out for what I need. Unfortunately, there are many people that are not able to do that, as I was for years. The process can be even more traumatizing by the "advocates".

 

[Myanxietyhasanxiety]

I realize that her words hit a nerve with me because of my military training. I was trained not to show weakness.

Admitting I need help goes against everything I believed. If you did seek help while on duty, it was whispered about. It was in your file- like a black mark in your record.

Asking her for help was probably the hardest thing I've have ever done.

 

[Neverthesame]

I have a question for you or anyone else military.

What's the point of the advocate?

This struck me as odd as well. Though being a civilian I don't have the first clue about how the VA works, or how it's methods are perceived by vets.

My question (turned into several questions, sorry.) is, would this possibly be a redundancy built in to simulate a chain of command?
Would that be total ridiculous?
Or is it just what it appears to be, a position created to justify some pencil pushers continued employment?

No pressure on anyone to answer if they don't want to, no hard feelings. Don't want to be one of those overly nosey civvies. Just thought that was weird as well.

@Myanxietyhasanxiety I am glad you have been able to work through this in a way that benefits you. Dealing with this sort of nonsense, can be so stressful. Especially when after years of living with this, we can become used to thought processes that while benign to us, sound frightening to others. When someone then overreacts to something actually benign when supposedly speaking from a place of understanding. Can really throw you for a loop.

Good to see you have people around you that you can trust to help you sort out the nonsense that some people spout. So you can respond to it in a constructive way.

"Advocate" indeed. The devil should put her on staff, she'd fit that job better, by the sounds of it. ;)