I Am Not 'they'

[rightkindofme]

I'm going to say this again. Many people with PTSD are not violent and it sucks that everyone is painted with a broad brush. Many of us (myself included) ARE violent. It is not completely ridiculous to consider it as a possible factor of dealing with people who have ptsd.

Saying that people who do not have PTSD should stop coupling the idea that someone with PTSD could be violent is.... not fair in my opinion. People need to be on their guard with most human beings. Including me.

I got into it with my neighbor the other day. We've had a pattern of sexual harassment that has escalated over about five years. The other day he started grabbing my leg and squeezing it and telling me he knew what I want and he wouldn't let go.

I kicked him until I did damage to his ribs to get him to let go.

I don't feel bad.

We had a long conversation after that about how I am not predictable in these settings. If you grab me and won't let go when I say to let go, I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt you as much as I can. We talked about why that happened and he asked for a bunch of details. He agreed to never touch me again.

Some of us are violent.

 

[scout86]

The other day he started grabbing my leg and squeezing it and telling me he knew what I want and he wouldn't let go.

I think the technical term for what he did is "assault" and someone who chooses to do that kind of thing should realize they stand the chance of being killed as a consequence. Period. What you did was justified, IMO. I wouldn't call that "violent" I'd call that defending yourself, which is something we all have to right to do.

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't feel bad about doing it and I'd do it again.

But when you are dealing with average people, feeling like you have the right to defend yourself with that much force makes you violent.

 

[intothelight]

when you are dealing with average people, feeling like you have the right to defend yourself with that much force

I don't think that was average at all. Grabbing another person and not letting go when told to is simple assault. Self defense is just that self defense and perhaps violence is necessary, especially when a reasonable request is ignored. PTSD or human response...I guess it depends on the individual.

 

[Friday]

Supporters aren't buying into hype... They're living the damn reality.

Which IS dealing with symptoms including lashing out, violent outbursts, depression, suicide attempts, self harm, screaming, nightmares, etc. or whatever the hell it is a supporter is coming in here desperate, frustrated, scared of, heartbroken over.

These are the people who love us.

They're not the media. They're not society at large. They're not trying to paint us all with some kind of brush. They are living with PTSD, loving someone with PTSD, and I can't imagine what possible benefit is to be gained by growling at them, pointing fingers that they're the problem, and they need to walk on eggshells around us, because they're looking for help with their specific issues, in their own forum of peers. No no! Don't talk about your problems! Your problems make PTSD look bad! WTFO.

If they were therapists? Yeah. Welcome to the spectrum of the wide array of different ways PTSD presents. But they're not. They're our lovers, best friends, parents, kids... Trying to understand and help their sufferer. Who is experiencing the symptoms & behaviors they're asking questions about. Who is going to be different from all of us. That's not an insult, a slur, or bad talking PTSD... just because they need help with one person.

They're not trying to all of us anything. 1 person. Their person. The person they love.

 

[rightkindofme]

@FridayJones you are so good at hitting the nail on the head.

 

[shimmerz]

They're not trying to all of us anything. 1 person. Their person. The person they love.

I understand what you are saying. I stand by what I am saying. I am certain there is value in both pov's. I am not certain that we cannot support someone who recognizes that their sufferer is unique. It is in exploring that individuality that sufferers heal imo.

 

[scout86]

They're not trying to paint us all with some kind of brush.

This looks to me like the flip side of the same issue.

"They".

Are all supporters alike? I think "not". (Beyond that the vast majority of them qualify for sainthood.)

If I'm clear on the very OP that inspired @shimmerz original post, it was a relatively new member and, as I recall, a relatively new supporter. She was looking for insight, and coming from a good place, but asked a question that lumped people with PTSD into the broad category of "them or they" or something. And I believe the topic did relate to "violence", or anger, or something like that. She was looking for insight into her own relationship, I'm sure. I have to admit, the way the question was worded kind of struck a nerve with me, that's why I remember it. It struck a nerve partly because I'm particularly aware of individual differences. (Even though my T keeps saying things like "You really DON'T get how much differently you see things from 'most people', do you?") It also struck a nerve, in a way, because I know how far astray buying in to generalizations can lead someone.

So, my own point in all this, is that "they" thinking can get you in trouble. It can get you in a lot of trouble if you put too much faith in the idea that everyone is alike, no matter what group you're talking about. This is not to say that anyone should have to walk on egg shells around anyone. That's a separate issue. And, obviously, if all people with PTSD didn't have some things in common, there wouldn't be a category in the DSM. But all "sufferers" don't have all symptoms nor do they have them all the time. One person might have a short fuse, another, in the same circumstances, might end up sobbing in a corner somewhere. I kind of doubt that ANYBODY here intended anything they said as an attack on anybody else. (I could be wrong! :chicken:) We probably all have our own sensitivity to generalizations that probably depends on our histories. And it might vary from one generalization to another too.

 

[shimmerz]

If I'm clear on the very OP that inspired Link Removed original post, it was a relatively new member and, as I recall, a relatively new supporter. She was looking for insight, and coming from a good place, but asked a question that lumped people with PTSD into the broad category of "them or they" or something. And I believe the topic did relate to "violence", or anger, or something like that.

Yes, this was pretty clearly stated as I recall. And I believe on a forum like this one that understanding as early as possible that YOUR PTSD sufferer's issues are not a given collectively, is a valuable lesson in supporting that sufferer.

I learned that lesson myself on the board. When I came here I actually didn't realize the diversity of PTSD'ers struggles. I still, in fact, catch myself and have to stand back to recognize just because I feel/am/suffer in certain ways, that not everyone here does. The same for this topic. It may not be something that others here feel matters to them, but it does to me.

 

[Ronin]

I understand what you are saying. I stand by what I am saying.

Ok what about another thread, then?
Talking about the role of stereotypes about PTSD in our relationships / what have you, instead of talking about supporters & relationships to us (which as pointed above, are two different things and not always related)? Just suggesting.

 

[shimmerz]

Ok what about another thread, then?

Nah, thanks. I think a ton of good input in this thread from many directions.

 

[Stickler]

Um...just wanted to underscore a Thing.

..." They" has been lurching toward use as a gender-neutral third-person pronoun, equivalent to "He" and "She".
It makes my inner grammar nazi cringe, but Ze never took off( unfortunately ) as a gender-neutral third person pronoun.
So it is partly just an English problem, perhaps?