Goodbye!

[Sandstone]

How can i feel like i can be vulerable again to people im scared will hurt me again?

You are doing it, and doing rather well and courageously. I hope you stay and continue to do so.

 

[Stickler]

Regarding trauma changing attachment?
Hmm...my mom did not go to work until I was 6, it was at that point dad started really sexually abusing me. Before then I was only somewhat ambivalently attached.
I/we didn't get the sort of hopeless dread that I/we now attach with.
We expect to have our soul murdered.

 

[Rumors]

@lostforgottensoul
Keep in mind typed words don't account for inflection or tone. I read what @Chava wrote and do believe that it was intended to be helpful. Chava is a helpful, active participant on the board and is always willing to chime in with a strategy or ideas. Take them or leave them, but I wouldn't let anyone's opinion change your status here on the board. I think sometimes when we are most symptomatic we are unable to differentiate danger from normal life cycle. You certainly felt like chava, and perhaps others, were pushing triggers. I encourage you to take a peek at why you have become so triggered by this event. You are actually doing "the work" as my therapist calls it when you get to the bottom of those feelings. You could use this event to learn more about why you may choose to leave a board that could help you over differing opinions. We all have work to do and that is why we are here so please don't think I am above having the EXACT same feelings you have had. It is how you learn from it that counts.
I hope you are doing ok. Chava is one of my favorite posters here. I hope you will find the posts in the spirit to which I believe they were intended...just to help.

 

[anthony]

Not sure if that was a sideways jab at me, but when I'm not sure what i'm thinking I guess I know who I ca...

I haven't read any prior content, so I don't know who the member is talking about. My statement is broad and applies to whoever it applies to as my opinion.

 

[Chava]

But connection issues are common with all forms of trauma. This thread just happens to be about attachment issues (first months and years of life)." Which i call bullshit on that.

It's not bullshit, but sorry you misunderstood and are choosing to instead attack me. Attachment is pretty specific. Connection...more referring to how we relate to each other in a general way (sorry for the confusion on terms though). If someone has a poor attachment, it will be more easily thrown into disorganization by later traumas (especially interpersonal traumas). But any trauma at an time makes it harder for most of us to connect....but that many of us want to connect in certain ways points to our early attachment problems. But I don't want to get into this topic any more with you.

Basically, very few people were posting and you were writing quite long trauma narratives, and not necessarily keeping them directed at responding to others (or they started that way then became long trauma narratives related to traumas well outside the scope of early attachment). But again, I told you to take it or leave it...you took what I said and went on a rampage. That's your choice. Keep doing what you're doing and see how it works. It's up to you. And for the sake of some calm, I'm leaving this post.

 

[The Albatross]

Put 'em on ignore and don't cut yourself off from your support forum. If the mods say to bring it back to topic do so... other than that... the heck with em provided your motivation on someone's thread is to be assistive.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

and the forum likes you.

Not sure about that...

Maybe just take a day or three to be ticked and stay

Im not angry, anger covers my other emotions, im hurt and feel very not safe.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It's not bullshit, but sorry you misunderstood and are choosing to instead attack me. Attachment is pretty...

You must have missed whom i was converbsing with as there was a person i was talking to; i dont just post things on other's threass just to post them. I also remember @MsSpock posting.

Me attack you? YOU are the one that accused ME of hijacking a thread when i didnt even start the concersation.

Im not even going to bother reading your post. I know what attachment disorder, as i have said so many times, my therapist has explained it.

I posted this to explain and even Jemini appologized for hurting me and hitting my triggers; you fail to see your wrong in telling someone whom politly replies to some the replied to them until it started a conversation but instaid stated that out of no where start saying ling narratives then longer ones; and take it as you will; oh and said then that I bliw someone off when i didnt and when i go back re-read that posted even more about how i wasnt trying to downplay their trauama and i knew being adopted has special needs just luke being in a cult has special needs. Yes, i took it as tou intended to do.

If i stay, i will conrinue to post what the f*ck i was to post because are no rules against what was being complained about. I post what i think will be relative to a post and IF someone replies to me, i may post a reply that COULD be longer because they are talking to me. To not to isnt being very nice!

I didnt want to do this but being i just woke up and now my hands are shaking; Chava, you're blocked.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Put 'em on ignore and don't cut yourself off from your support forum. If the mods say to bring it back to topic do so... other than that... the heck with em provided your motivation on someone's thread is to be assistive.

I cannot believe what she just posted! Like i was just talking to myself or something? And insteading of aaying what ANY human with empathy would say, including myself, "im sorry that what i said hurt you or triggered you, this is what i meant/how i meant it" whatever and i really dont want to block people on here, i think everyone's opinions matter and she has helped in the past. But seeing that just reading that one reply and now my hands are shaking and i just woke up, blocking for now is a good idea.

Thank you for your reply! Its a good idea, i guess its just a personal thing that makes me feel bad to block people...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You are doing it, and doing rather well and courageously. I hope you stay and continue to do so.

:) i still feel very unsafe but i think that, for now, blocking was a good idea. I feel bad doing it as i always feel that as a whole, everyone's voice matters but if a post, agter just waking up when my anxiety is generally at its lowest, makes my hands shake real bad; its time to block.

Im sorry if i caused trouble here, it wasnt my intention in the attachment thread or in this one.

I really did have intention of post this and then not coming back but everyone's replying asking me to stay and sending me messages; thank you all for being so welcoming! Ive had nothing but good contact with you all and when it wasnt good in the past, it was a missunderstanding on my part and i did the adult right thing and appologized. I hope that i dont post too much in other's threads. I ramble and talk a lot, in real life too which is why im written up for my average handle time at work (average amount of time on calls; i work as an internet and PC tech in a call center for a national internet company), so thats just me and not only do i not want to change who i am but i want to be more open and feel safe that people will handle my hurts and emotions with care as i try to do with others.

Thank you for your reply. I often write things not realizing in already doing something im adking how to do. Another reason that this site is a great place!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You can disagree if you like, but I think ( we think ) you are okay, lovable, and good. We firmly tend to believe it, even.

We're annoying like that. ;)

Not annoying, a good place for me. Though i do disagree that im anything food but you knew i would.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul
Keep in mind typed words don't account for inflection or tone. I re...

I do agree i own my triggers but when ive hit other's triggers i appoloize them back off. To say i hijacked a forum when im not the only one conversing and then to say i brushed aomeone off when i didnt; i call that at least hafl attacking, be we can agree to disagree.

Chava was one of my fav posters to but then to cone on here, bot even appologize for saying something that may have hit my trigger like Jemini did, whom was the other person, and then to blame me for attacking her when all i was doing was explaining; which when reading after just waking up and my anxiety automatically shot up to a level that caused my hands to shake so bad where i couldnt hardly hold the phone then i must block chava if i am to stay.

Again, im sorry if i caused trouble here as tbat wasnf my intention, i had food intention on the attachment thread and intention of posting this and then leaving but all the messages and posts i felt deserved a reply and thats the only thing that has so dar kept me here.