ED Eating disorder recovery

[Leisel]

I'm about a year into my eating disorder recovery (left treatment in early spring) and after a while of not using behaviors, started having intense nightmares, followed by my first flashback in the fall. I was wondering if any of you have had similar experiences or advice on coping?

 

[Friday]

Pretty much any time I lose or remove a coping mechanism,.. Whether it's a healthy one or unhealthy one, I get a resurgence of symptoms.

That's pretty much the "trick", as well. People wihout PTSD (or other issues they're self medicating) start getting better in recovery. Yes they have to learn new coping mechanisms & ways to deal with life so for awhile there's some overlap. But PTSD? Take away the things that are helping moderate symptoms, and the symptoms come flooding back. Just learning to live life... Doesn't treat PTSD. At all.

So whether something is an actual comorbid, or whether it's a trauma side effect & not comorbid at all, one can't just remove the unhealthy coping mechanism. One has to treat both; the unhealthy coping mechanism & PTSD.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Pretty much any time I lose or remove a coping mechanism,.. Whether it's a healthy one or unhealthy one, I get a resurgence of symptoms.

Damned if you do and if you don't. Hell on earth. Worsening for me is not being able to eat, or side effects from in the last few months. I cook, but can only take very small portions. Initial issue was vomiting, often during a flashback, but also any trigger while awake. Messy! Can't breath, choke, retch. Now I also am getting lower bowel issues at night and in the day. Sleep completely messed up with somatic (?) and PTSD.

Supposed to go in for and upper and low GI this week.

Nutrition? Ha. Choke on vitamins and brushing teeth.

@Leisel What was the treatment process for your eating disorder recovery. I have never been anorexic or bulimic. This is instant panic volatile vomiting. Appreciate any help as I can not sustain body health depleted.

 

[Tinyflame]

So whether something is an actual comorbid, or whether it's a trauma side effect & not comorbid at all, one can't just remove the unhealthy coping mechanism. One has to treat both; the unhealthy coping mechanism & PTSD.

@FridayJones could you explain what this means, or give an example? Thank you!

 

[Friday]

@FridayJones could you explain what this means, or give an example? Thank you!

...[/QUOTE]

So... PTSD peeps have a tendency to use a lot of different things to manage symptoms; food & alcohol are 2 super common ones.

A person can both be an Alcoholic AND have PTSD... Or they can be abusing the hell out of alcohol, but quitting isn't the problem, it's the PTSD symptoms that are the problem. They're not drinking to feed an addiction, they're drinking to manage PTSD symptoms. To oversimplify a smidge;
- Take the alcohol away from an alcoholic, start managing their addiction, and their lives will start to improve in a major way.
- Take the alcohol away from a PTSD person? Symptoms come on heavier, and heavier, and heavier, and their lives just keep getting worse. The solution to this isn't add the alcohol back in. That just creates more problems. The solution is to treat the PTSD.
- A person with both an addiction & PTSD? Can't just treat one or the other. Cause then you've still got all the problems of the other running amok. Have to treat both.

Same thing with eating disorders. A person can both have an ED & be PTSD. Or they can have major trauma stuff surrounding food (or their bodies, and food is just one way they're expressing that). Or they may have zero trauma stuff surrounding food... But have discovered that, like self harm treats PTSD symptoms? Binging/Purging &/or Starving does, too.

I technically meet the requirements for anorexia. But if you look a little deeper? 99% of that is trauma. Under stress I forget to eat, or I've got so much anxiety that my digestive system has shut off, and I can't eat, my body just voids anything I try to. I've also got some major trauma surrounding food... I was starved for a long time while I was being held prisoner, there were a lot of time in military land where supply lines were cut off, few other pieces here & there. Trauma stuff, joy :wtf:. So the vast majority of the time? What looks like anorexia? Look beneath the surface. Is actually trauma-stuff.

Here's the rub, though. ;) I actually am anorexic.

I joke, and say I don't have an eating disorder, I have an eye disorder; I can't see myself as I actually am. But what it is, is anorexia. It's not a huge part of my life, most of the time (although I do sometimes get suicidal over it), but it's still there. I have to mind my eating & self appraisal very closely... Because my trauma stuff will kick off my anorexia stuff given even half an opportunity. And then I've got 2 things I'm fighting, instead of 1.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you so much @FridayJones that is totally clear & totally makes sense. (I agree & overlapping issues complicate the downward spiral for me).

I hope you can get to the root @Leisel , & therefore reduce the nightmares & help you cope. :hug:

 

[VioletButterfly]

@Leisel - First off, great news about ED! I wonder, did the treatment center not work you through therapy of any sort while you were there and what was that like for you? What does your after-care consist of? If you're not in therapy, it would seem this would be the time to get some support from a qualified trauma therapist.

As far as coping mechanisms go, I'd look back at an ED or PTSD distractor task list. If I can find mine, I'll append it to your post. Also, maybe find something that captures your imagination or just keeps your mind busy in the moments so that you don't fall back into using behaviors. (crafting, coloring, puzzles, walking, journaling) Reading around the boards is also a good idea. There is a great deal of information and support here for you. But really, you need to work through what is causing the flashbacks and that's something the therapist can help you get started on.

I'm coming from a place of still being face down in two addictions, one being ED, the other alcohol. I often wonder how I could manage my PTSD symptoms without the alcohol. I think ED just piggy-backs at this point as they ride together. So, I'm in therapy, I'm working on self compassion and mindfulness, acceptance and acknowledgement, and on distorted thinking and how it got there (trauma). I try to do creative things, get out into nature, work on my relationship with God, etc... That's my focus right now. I can't say that I'm making a lot of progress, but I'm not sure I'm qualified enough to tell. At least I'm trying something which is far and away from where I was last year. I hope the best for you. VB

 

[Leisel]

I'm sorry that I didn't reply until now. I didn't see this. I'm currently in therapy but only told my therapist about all of this my second to last time with her, and only see her about once or twice a month, or less. I also get flashbacks every time I talk about it and sometimes it feels unbearable so I don't know how to talk to my therapist, you know? I'm seeing her bc she treats EDs. That was a really good suggestion about distractions and fining something I'm interested in, I'll definitely do that. Thank you to everybody who's replied :) I hope things are going okay for you all.