Relationship Boyfriend Vet With Ptsd, Serious Questions About Our Future

[catlover26]

I have had to learn to accept my Vet bf the way he is if it is going to work between us. It's not just because he is 15 yrs older than me. He doesn't like going out anymore to places like restaurants. Last time we went the food and service were awful and he tried to control his temper with the manager. But I think it is these 'out of his control' situations he can't handle. He will only do what he has to do. He tries to stock up on groceries and does get out maybe everyday but it mostly short trips in situations HE can control.

So I have had to settle for quiet evenings at his place. That can present its own problems when the neighbors get loud and other things like fireworks go off. Sometimes he is constantly checking outside.

It's really not what I had planned for but I have learned not to have expectations of how it is supposed to be and then it makes me a lot calmer and happier (most of the time LOL).

 

[Orion87]

I have had to learn to accept my Vet bf the way he is if it is going to work between us. It's not jus...

Both you and Sweetpea76 mentioned 'kissing my social life goodbye', and/or accepting that my boyfriend can't go out and socialize - and I hope you have found a different rhythm for happiness as well with the sacrifices you've made. Very luckily, my bf is not all that bad. He's actually just fine at socializing and going out. We go out quite often, to bars to watch games, football parties, hiking, family events . . . not all of them have been without incident though. We even went to a music festival (which I was quite nervous about) but he did really well, and actually enjoyed himself.

He'll pretty much go anywhere *with* me - but that in itself is somewhat of a double-edged sword. Maybe one time out of 7, I'll ask if he wants to come with me to do something mundane, and I know he's accompanying me solely to keep an eye on me.

So it's not so much that WE can't have a social life together, so much as the activities I can do, independently and with*out* drawing incredible skepticism, doubt, and eventually accusations, have become somewhat limited.
Thank you for your comment. All these different perspectives are helping me to put my relationship in to a more understandable context.