Alcoholism, Sex Addiction, Thrill Seeking Behavior

[Virtues]

In the wake of returning home from war I have found myself engaging in many self destructive behaviors. War was like no high I have ever experienced before, and I'm having trouble filling the void. When I'm not engaging in the above activities, I feel like an empty shell. You can only imagine the strain this has put on my marriage. I have identified the problem, but what now?

 

[anthony]

You can only imagine the strain this has put on my marriage.

As a combat veteran and multiple tour veteran from humanitarian, peace keeping to war, I have a pretty good idea actually. It cost me two marriages, myself. For years I wanted to just be overseas and back in combat zones, any place where threat was around. I knew what to do with that, I didn't know what to do with the hardest stress being what to eat for dinner, mow the lawn, clean the house, socialise with friends for dinner and what to eat, wear, and the list goes on. These are the normal stressors... and they're difficult to reconcile compared to war.

The thing is... time helps. The more time I spent discharged from the service, the better I've become at adjusting and swapping over to normal life stressors. It just takes time mate... with a whole bunch of self restraint.

 

[anthony]

Oh... and yes, I f*cked my way through a few years there, with alcohol and high risk behaviour. Riding motorbikes at 300kph, fast cars, jumping off anything high enough to give me a rush, skiing down the steepest mountain I could find, and the list goes on. It took time and self work for me personally.

 

[Virtues]

I love my wife (I REALLY DO)! I would never cheat on her, but since I've been home, if she's not f*cking me, I've got no use for her. It's not her it's me, I know this, but when she's not putting out, I turn to booze which pushes her even further away, which causes me to drink even more. It's a vicious cycle. And the high risk behavior? Since my injuries, my physical activities have been limited.

I cut the drinking out for a while, but it lead to severe depression. Do I need to cut out my marital relations as well??? The truth is I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I hope you're right. I hope this fades over time.

 

[Ronin]

Since my injuries, my physical activities have been limited.

And pair involvement in whichever activities you're still able to do would be doable?

Nothing's wrong with you, man. Expectable reactions to what you went through.

 

[Sighs]

Are you aware of the sister site mycombatptsd.com ? Vet only. Good place to talk to others in your situation, especially those like @anthony who have been in that self destructive phase and managed to get past it.

Not sure that time alone will help. Time, support, therapy and a shit ton of hard work? Most likely.

 

[Virtues]

I am aware of the other site. I have complex PTSD, and while combat is a portion of that, there are many other underlying factors that make me feel more at home here (if you guys will have me). I was definitely predispositioned for PTSD before combat, and combat worsened my condition, but it is not the sole factor in my status. When I was young I was witness to the murder of my girlfriend, later in life I worked for some time as a morgue transport picking up bodies, then I have my time in combat, and a few other deaths interwoven in that fabric...

 

[Sighs]

if you guys will have me

Absolutely! I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome here. There are at least a few vets who have a presence with the same or similar usernames on both sites and no doubt others who have completely different names on each site. You are very welcome here and I'm sure you would be very welcome there too.

 

[Virtues]

You didn't make me feel unwelcome. I'm pretty much socially inept, and read way too much into everything. I'm glad to be here, glad to have you all to bounce ideas off of. Thank you!

 

[Ronin]

I have complex PTSD, and while combat is a portion of that, there are many other underlying factors that make me feel more at home here (if you guys will have me).

Totally will have you, & understood (relating, too. For the complex in not-just-work-ways.)

Very sorry about your girlfriend and others you lost.

 

[Friday]

No lie on the self restraint. :banghead:

So I've made both mistakes of just saying f*ck it and doing anything/everything that made me feel alive, & cutting everything out that makes me feel alive. Both are seriously bad juju.

Sigh. Balance and moderation f*cking suck. Until they don't. But it takes awhile. I generally try & meet in the middle: Add things to otherwise healthy things (like talking before/after sex), & subtract things that add elements of danger to unhealthy things (like sparring instead of fighting).

 

[Virtues]

I love the emoji... I feel like I'm smashing my head against a wall sometimes lol

It's good to know complete abstinence from drinking, sex, and high risk activities isn't warranted, because I think I would go insane. I just need to take a serious look and figure out how to regulate. I'm no zen master when it comes to moderating my impulses, but I think I could do a lot better than I have been doing. A lot of it is going to be sucking it up and forcing myself to improve my mood when I deny myself those activities.