Ignoring

[Crow]

Thank you @Oasis . That's exactly what I've been struggling with. It's very disconcerting to read other member's threads and have not a clue what the replies are responding to because the ignore is on. And seeing folks I really like getting bashed left and right. I'll give it a go. I value this space so much but in the last two months it resembles a battle ground....not the safe space I've come to rely on.

 

[J_trustno1]

hi @CrowFeather , it's perfectly okay to ignore someone who is triggering you. At least we get the ignore option on this forum unlike in real life where you can't click a ignore button and put the jerk on ignore. I've had a person on this forum who always reminded me of my abusers and there was no winning with this person and therefore this person is on permanent ignore!

So the moral of the story is "never feel guilty of someone's ill behavior." I hope this helps :).

 

[Chava]

Nothing to feel guilty about (though I do hope it's not me). I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm seeing some unchecked chaos-making and manipulation. Probably it's not conscious, but well practiced.

Here's how to go unchecked: slam other members in new posts so that context is lost. Idealize and flatter the administrators. Confess to abusing another being and when challenged, post about wanting to act out in suicidal ways. Blame others for feeling triggered. No matter what is happening in the present, or who is responsible, play the victim card. Gather as much attention as possible and idealize or totally devalue posters based on how well they validate your victimhood and behaviors. Attempt to make others feel guilty for personal feelings. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Not sure if any of this makes sense, but you're not guilty. I haven't used the ignore/block function before either, and probably won't, but I'm close. I've left this site just pissed off lately....trying to be sure to focus on threads that feel productive.

 

[rightkindofme]

I take breaks from this website. My level of reactivity is mostly about me not about anyone else. If someone rubs me wrong... I need a break.

I don't want other people to have to change so I can be ok.

 

[Ed Norton]

I can't let anyone get to me but I tend to stay in more neutral discussion like debates, polls and social.

Edit: I don't have anyone on ignore.

 

[RussH]

As for the shame: if you are feeling that because you think your ignoring them is rejecting them it isn't. It is simply you protecting yourself

 

[shimmerz]

I don't want other people to have to change so I can be ok.

I think if this were always the case then we wouldn't need mods.

 

[Teasel]

I think I used to feel that I must always be "good"

I never used to be able to protect myself.

I think giving up the idea that I must always be good - is directly correlating to my growing ability to protect myself. And choose to avoid things I don't want to be part of...

I feel sort of allergic to the poster talked about. And don't feel bad about it much at all.

 

[joeylittle]

@CrowFeather - the function is there for a reason, and while taking care of your own needs may seem like defeat and shame, it's not: it's taking care of yourself first.

Remember, also, that we all have situations, people, events, topics that can cause us to become symptomatic. A massive part of managing PTSD is only about that: managing our own symptoms. By controlling what you can and cannot see, as a reader, you are supporting yourself in your own symptom management.

When you feel ready to try again, you'll try again. Maybe your perspective will have shifted in a way that allows you to read with neutrality, but maybe not.

I really do understand what that feeling of 'let-down' in yourself can be, but it is only a thought you are imposing on yourself, that you need to be able to be there for everyone. You don't.

 

[Rumors]

Just to chime in...again...lol.... I try and remember that sometimes mental illness takes precedence over good judgement or choices. When I see someone post either in a divisive manner or when they exhibit endless victim posts or are inconsolable within reason or won't listen to reason and have an excuse why nothing works and they are unfixable, I realize that perhaps there is more going on than what I can see. So, I usually bow out of conversation and wish them well bc I realize that they need more help than I can offer. As well, even though they post about wanting direction, guidance, or having others chime in with their experience, that really isn't what they are looking for.... That doesn't make them bad people or bad for the site, it just makes them not easy to help or sometimes listen to at the moment. I don't feel guilty about ignoring them until I can remove myself somewhat. I feel like that is a good choice for me and if I don't take care of my mental well being first, I will crack and be on here spewing all kinds of verbal diarrhea. Lol. No worries!!! No guilt either!
Good luck!!!!

 

[Tinyflame]

HI @CrowFeather I hope I didn't offend you either because I've posted a lot (too much) lately. And also I know the written word can be misinterpreted. :( If so I sincerely apologize. :notworthy:

I like if someone tells me if I've hurt their feelings, because I may not know at all. :(

I also feel badly to not feel sufficiently empathetic to engage or read certain things, or if I find myself (God forbid) doubting the veracity or 'completeness' (rare but once in a while lately). Yet I too find them triggering or disturbing, lose that 'safe sense' as someone described.

I hope you just take care of yourself, guilt free. Like @joeylittle said it's healthy and good to do.

 

[Crow]

Thank you everyone. You've helped me place the misplaced shame.....proactively protecting myself is new and I still struggle with the being good bullshit so thank you. Not a defeat but simply a step back as I do not wish to have that frenetic energy in my life right now. Excellent.

@Chava you are spot on.

@Junebug you posts do nothing but inspire and challenge me to continue this journey.

@Rumors totally get the mental illness. I think that's where my frustration is coming from because definitely not a bad person but just seems forever spinning and enjoying the dust that's blown up. Yep. That causes some anger - again stemming from other sources. Feeling it more now that I'm getting the shame out of the way.

@joeylittle thanks! Going on four years on the forum and I've never experienced this so thanks for the objectivity. All about building our coping mechanisms I guess.