Does your therapist know how many different things you are doing? He is going to know better than any of us here, how much is too much for you. It's good to ask here, but don't neglect asking him, too.
He does now. He doesnt seem to be worried at the moment about it, though he thinks (as do i) that my biggest focus should be on the DBT workbook (almost called it DMT again; have no clue why i do that lol)
He has me use my SUDS score. SUDS stands for subjective units of distress. I score on a scale of 1 being no distress and 10 being as distressed as I've ever been.
I was wondering what SUDS stood for. Thats intresting. Im pretty positive he hasnt mentioned it though because to soothe yourself have to be 'nice' to yourself, something ive very much struggled with; but also stay fully numb in therapy & its something that i dont seem to have control over yet. Because of it he sorta sees where i am, what ive done that week & gives me a ton of homework that we then talk about next week.
I'll mention that to him next week and see if he thinks that will help. I stopped at chapter 2 in the DBT woorkbook & chapter 1 has the refocusing your mind & self soothing; just bought a few things i needed at walmart today to do the self soothing list.
Thats gonna take a lot of practice as in a 'normal' mind frame i dont think of being 'nice' to myself let alone in a highened state or painful state. It just seems my brain spins too fast.
He said today that it gets easier to calm it all down in general, slow the spinning a bit, and be able to catch yourself and catch it sooner the more i go through the book.
Im seeing myself change a bit in therapy over the last few weeks. Im not as numb, not trying as hard to disassociate & he mentioned that too; like my 'defense posture' isnt there as much & he says he sees the tone of my poetry is changing. So thats all good.
You are really brave to be tackling things head on like you are.
Thank you. Dont know how much im really doing at once though. Def going through the DBT workbook but the changing of my core belief, im not down to a small enough one yet to be able to change so im trying to still knock that down some. Actually might be worthwhile to repost on it cuz im now stuck on that again, just for now letting it sit while i think about it, dig at it etc but its just more siting there. I dont know if its too soon for that, not sure why i cant get to a small enough one to change, its a bit frustrating but still trying.
Grieving my "child self", im poking around talking to "her" first, trying to show her kindness & love first before even attempting to grieve her.
My therapist sees it more like im poking around these new things, poking at it with a stick first & investigating it first. If that makes sense.