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The fine line between doing too little (under-functioning/ non-functioning) and doing too much (over-functioning/ burnout)

Ecdysis

MyPTSD Pro
Sigh... So before this episode of major depression, I was working way too much (60-hour work weeks) and ended up with burnout. I've been under-functioning or non-functioning for a few years now.

I'm desperately trying to get out of it atm, because I've been so badly non-functioning for months that it's starting to seriously destroy my life atm and I was starting to run the risk of homelessness, bankruptcy and similar crap, due to being so non-functioning.

I'm still struggling with that badly, but have been getting a bit more done this past week, but I quickly cross the line and become over-functioning... I mean, I'm still doing less than a normal/ healthy person, but I'm definitely using up more spoons than I have... It's like I go on auto-pilot and try to do "more" so I can dig myself out of this messy hole I've gotten myself into.

It's like I go from the freeze survival response (laying paralysed, inactive, trying to make predators think I'm already dead so they'll pass me by) to the fight/ flight survival response and try to "do" things to make sure I'll "survive".

Why is that healthy middle ground so hard to find? Doing a sane/ healthy amount of things that are helpful and trying to stay authentic and trying to fit some actual joy into my days too.
 
Why is that healthy middle ground so hard to find? Doing a sane/ healthy amount of things that are helpful and trying to stay authentic and trying to fit some actual joy into my days too.
to my senses, those lines are not only fine. they are more fissurey than a snake trying to shed it's outgrown snake. the fine lines are all too often attached to gigantic riverbeds with strong undertows and fast moving detritus. i often get hopelessly lost in metaphor trying to find that healthy middle ground.

sigh. . . ply radical acceptance here. ^it^ is what ^it^ is, whether i understand ^it^, or knot.

for what it's worth:
my most effective meditation on that quest for balance is riding a bicycle. the fact that i don't like real world bikes somehow enhances the imagery of what to do when i hit a stick on the sidewalk, navigate a steep driveway slope, try to keep a safe speed going down a hill, jump a street curb, etc., etc. perhaps the quest for balance is an ongoing proposition taken one obstacle at a time. the biking enthusiasts in my life tell me they can keep that balance and enjoy the ride at the same time. kinda like simultaneously patting my head and rubbing my tummy. (evil grin) none of my biker friends can do THAT one. nanny, nanny, boo, boo.
 
I agree with you that middle ground is SO hard to find. Personally I've realised that I try to overpower the 'freeze' feeling with going into fight or flight.

I know in theory that many things will help both states- keeping a big list of what I am avoiding and forcing myself to do the highest priority tasks per day followed by MANDATORY REST OR REWARD for doing it (this is in caps bc i struggle to do it)

I don't know if this is helpful for you, but I hope it might be
 
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