If you aren't on medication at all, are you able to function? I found that medications always just screwed me up more, made me severely depressed, or just didn't work at all. Working out and martial arts stabilized me A LOT more than medications ever did. Also, I know it's not the best scenario, but you can always post stuff on here - questions about symptoms, how you are feeling, etc -- and we will be here to listen. I used this forum a lot before I had a therapist and was diagnosed, and it was a life line for me; it made me feel less crazy to see there were other people experiencing the same things who understood me. So, if you are unhappy with therapists and medication right now, you can always try to find the support and insight you need here until you do find the right therapist. (Not that I am recommending an online forum as proper treatment or anything ... you should still seek a good therapist ... but until you find one, we are here to help as much as we can)
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Getting Right Help Without Label Possible?
- Post starter Klo
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- #14
I am able to function well enough most of the time, that I feel like if I could get certain things under control, then I could hold down a job. When I try to work, things usually go alright at first, but eventually something happens and I have a really bad reaction to it and start losing my marbles. My last job for example I was a cashier in a convenience store. It was stressful, but I was doing well enough. Then I had a customer whose eyes reminded me exactly of my father, and I froze, I couldn't hardly move or think or barely breathe, and it was very upsetting and embarrassing. After that I started feeling tense and freaked out all the time, and started having more freezes at work. I started trying to avoid the cash register as much as possible (which is kind of hard when you're one of two cashiers). I eventually started tripping balls completely and people's faces all looked evil to me and I was having regular panic attacks. It just wasn't worth 21 hours a week of minimum wage, and I quit.
So it's not like I couldn't function or even like I got fired. It just really sucks to deal with. When I take anti-depressants, I don't notice any benefit from them. For anxiety I have been given Xanax, but I find that it just makes me feel drunk for a couple hours, and then eventually I feel that I'm becoming dependent on it, I really don't like benzos for that reason. When I try atypical-antipsychotics, I just sleep a lot and get severe brain fog which makes it hard to function, and I experience more severe derealization/depersonalization on them.
Welcome, Klo. I hope you find help and support here, whatever your diagnosis.
I have considered trying to work at a convenience store and your experience is exactly why I haven't tried. Too many people trigger me. Plus I'm not good with counting money, even though I know the cash register does that for people these days. I just get overwhelmed when exposed to too many people.
Maybe something like lorazepam would be more helpful for your anxiety? That's what I take for anxiety and it doesn't make me feel impaired or anything, it just helps me feel more normal (0.5 mg).
I have considered trying to work at a convenience store and your experience is exactly why I haven't tried. Too many people trigger me. Plus I'm not good with counting money, even though I know the cash register does that for people these days. I just get overwhelmed when exposed to too many people.
Maybe something like lorazepam would be more helpful for your anxiety? That's what I take for anxiety and it doesn't make me feel impaired or anything, it just helps me feel more normal (0.5 mg).
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- #16
Yeah I would never recommend that type of job to anyone who has any sort of mental health struggles, really. It really brings out the darker side of humanity with the way it is socially acceptable to treat cashiers in general, and a lot of customers will display inappropriate hostility over things like coffee creamer. People who don't treat cashiers like garbage should actually know that they are unusually graceful souls.
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- #18
No, I don't feel that my symptoms are severe enough for disability, I would feel guilty about applying to be honest. The reason is that I have very specific triggers that are not common in every day life. I was abused physically, sexually and emotionally as a child, but I don't see that as being the same situation as a war veteran for example, where something as common as a loud noise could completely eff up their day. My struggles are more interpersonal mostly and then I have a hard time with certain aspects of self-care. I think for example that if I could find a job doing clerical work and not have to interact with people much at all, and if I could avoid triggers outside of work (to avoid having my sleep really screwed up, because that just causes everything to go downhill fast), then I would be alright. It's just hard to find jobs in general where I live, but that doesn't mean I couldn't work certain types if they were available. I think applying for disability in and of itself would be too insanely stressful anyway, to the point of not even being worth it. I had to deal with my mother a lot growing up calling me a liar and threatening me over telling people about things, and gaslighting me and so on. Feeling invalidated hits me very hard, and being heavily scrutinized while applying for disability would probably send me over the edge. I probably have some borderline tendencies in that regard to be honest.
I went through all those feelings in applying for disability, but I just got to the point where I had no choice. I could no longer work or function. I depend on my disability benefits now, though now I do manage to work part-time about 20 hours a month. It's all pretty much online, so I can handle an hour or so here and there, with breaks in between.
- Post starter
- #20
It's good that you did what you needed to do for yourself, for sure. I might change my mind at some point, but for now, I feel that with the details of my own unique situation, I might still be able to make it if I can get certain things under control. I figure regardless, the longer I try, the better my case would be anyway.
I wish you the best in that, Klo. I tried my damndest to keep working -- I've worked since I was 15 -- but I simply couldn't concentrate anymore. I can't even watch TV. It either triggers me or overwhelms me. Can't read. It sucks.
Keep trying, but don't overdo it to the point where you wreck yourself.
Keep trying, but don't overdo it to the point where you wreck yourself.
@Klo
I also recommend going to trauma specialist, or at least one that did it in the past. My first psychiatrist-therapist use to specialize in it for a decade when she was younger. First visit I was diagnoses with PTSD. No news to me. But just having a professional acknowledge it can help.
Sorry you have been through this. Maybe this interview can help you with a PTSD specialist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. Maybe you live near his community clinic near Boston. If I lived near I wanted to go there after listening to him. Link Removed
@Casey_03 Martial arts mentioned in interview.
I also recommend going to trauma specialist, or at least one that did it in the past. My first psychiatrist-therapist use to specialize in it for a decade when she was younger. First visit I was diagnoses with PTSD. No news to me. But just having a professional acknowledge it can help.
Sorry you have been through this. Maybe this interview can help you with a PTSD specialist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. Maybe you live near his community clinic near Boston. If I lived near I wanted to go there after listening to him. Link Removed
@Casey_03 Martial arts mentioned in interview.
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To me, it comes down to being able to tell my needs, & be actually motivated enough to seek solutions once I have the need clear.
To know where to get X specialized care without actually having access to that specialized care helps, too. I may not be able to go to this or that professional... but I can learn from them, and people they learn from, and figure how to apply it in my life in a way that's both available and affordable.
To know where to get X specialized care without actually having access to that specialized care helps, too. I may not be able to go to this or that professional... but I can learn from them, and people they learn from, and figure how to apply it in my life in a way that's both available and affordable.
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- #24
Sideways
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@Klo
Sounds like it may be there is no "1" correct diagnosis. 7 years ago I started therapy for Bipolar, since then, we've added C-PTSD, agoraphobia, Borderline PD traits, & narcissism (Type 2 - didn't know there was one). Sadly, all those labels are correct.
That can make therapy equally complex. Including the medication.
Finding the right therapist is like finding the right handbag (scuse the analogy). The "just talk" approach you described sounds like the Freudian therapist my sister sees (with great success, & her diagnosis is longer than mine!), but would be a waste of time for me.
With any "talk therapy", you can ask them at your first appointment about what approach they're going to take, and they should be able to give you a clear answer. Some forms of therapy will intentionally leave the direction to you, others have a specific process they'll plan to follow. Keep looking, because you'll find the right one and they'll be a revelation.
If you want to work through stuff in the meantime, I've read a lot, but I'm always re-reading chapters from Courage To Heal (Bass & Davis). It explains everything in plain english, from Remembering, to Shame, Anger, Moving On etc. And it has exercises you can work on (over & over!) to help work through the key issues (nix therapist!).
Having somewhere to start might ease the frustration:)
Sounds like it may be there is no "1" correct diagnosis. 7 years ago I started therapy for Bipolar, since then, we've added C-PTSD, agoraphobia, Borderline PD traits, & narcissism (Type 2 - didn't know there was one). Sadly, all those labels are correct.
That can make therapy equally complex. Including the medication.
Finding the right therapist is like finding the right handbag (scuse the analogy). The "just talk" approach you described sounds like the Freudian therapist my sister sees (with great success, & her diagnosis is longer than mine!), but would be a waste of time for me.
With any "talk therapy", you can ask them at your first appointment about what approach they're going to take, and they should be able to give you a clear answer. Some forms of therapy will intentionally leave the direction to you, others have a specific process they'll plan to follow. Keep looking, because you'll find the right one and they'll be a revelation.
If you want to work through stuff in the meantime, I've read a lot, but I'm always re-reading chapters from Courage To Heal (Bass & Davis). It explains everything in plain english, from Remembering, to Shame, Anger, Moving On etc. And it has exercises you can work on (over & over!) to help work through the key issues (nix therapist!).
Having somewhere to start might ease the frustration:)
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