I'm glad you filed for divorce, because I think we may be married to the same man! :D
Seriously,...
My husband has had problems with porn addiction which we were counseled together for and he received one-on-one counseling as well several years back. I suspected that he became more careful with his searches....I would ask, he would tell me that he was not searching porn and I could not catch him but he was sure spending alot of time on the internet and sure displayed no interest in me. I would come into a room and he would start clicking out of windows, shutting himself in the bathroom with his Tablet for 30-40 minutes at a time, had passwords to get into certain parts of the computer.
In Jan I think he had let his guard down. I searched the history and he had hours of searches for busty ladies, "sexy Asian woman videos," article on a brothel in Nebraska, nude cruise information, various searches for celebrities in sexy videos or poses....tons of sexually related material. It seriously turned my stomach. According to the time on the history he would be looking at one site and then 10 minutes later he was looking at it again; probably the clicking of the windows I mentioned. I wrote the history down with dates and then I called him at work and asked him if he had been looking up this material and named it specifically. He told me he had not so I mentioned dates and times, specific site names and he told me he didn't know how that got on the computer, that he was not searching. He was the only one on that computer. I told him that history on computers does not lie. He then blamed it on me, saying that I had been distant.
Yes, I had been distant from years of his passive-aggressive behavior and being shown that I was a nothing under his feet. Did he ever think about talking or even asking or even trying? No, his world is about him so if I am not making him happy by keeping the relationship going he will please himself. he actually was pleasing himself with this when I was trying so it really makes no difference.
When I found his searches on the internet I told him that I would not stay unless he sought serious counseling for his addiction. He did no such thing. You see my husband feels others are to blame and he does not take responsibility for his actions. he logic is completely twisted and some of this I did see early on but I had no idea it was a problem to the extent it was.
He cheated on his first love, told her apologized by putting flowers and a card on her car windshield. She broke up with him. He, even when I met him, 3 years after his divorce from his first wife was saying he had been so hurt by his first love breaking up with him that he wasn't sure he could ever be close to another woman that was to explain his lack of pursuit towards me.So rather than seeing than she had just cause to break up he became the victim....he was the one that cheated...so his logic is really messed up. When he and his first wife were married he had demanded that she be home at a certain one night.....you see she had started going out with her girlfriends and he didn't like it and had told everyone she was having an affair. She didn't come home as she was told, she was later than the time he quoted her so he locked her out of her own house and filed for divorce and full custody of their children. He is the type that feels justified to do whatever he wants and you are supposed to accept it but you do anything that doesn't please him and you will pay the price one way or another, he is very vindictive. That is why I am surprised he is working with me right now on the divorce.
