General The Fire Is Going Out

[Peach]

I had a big long reply written out, but it all basically comes down to this: PTSD and all that comes with it is not a deal breaker, not by a long shot. I can be very patient if there is a steady progression in the relationship, even if it is really slow comparatively, as long as there is movement and mutual feelings of romantic love. But ultimately I want to date (in whatever way his symptoms allow) and move in together. Marriage or just cohabitation doesn't matter, I'm not a stickler for ceremony.

I cannot have a "boyfriend" 5 more years down the road and still be separated by an ocean 11 months of of the year.

I want to have fun with my partner, enjoy our lives together, and to know for sure that he's in it too...as much as his symptoms allow him to be - I'm sure you know what I mean by that.

He can't send me stuff like this song and then get mad (scared rather) and threaten to walk away (and lay landmines all around the subject so I can't bring it up without feeling like I'm risking EVERYTHING) when I take it seriously. He needs to make up his mind. Guess he's got big decisions to make, as well. You either want to be strictly friends or you want more. Which is it???

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Peach , I looked at the lyrics, am I missing something? :confused: Aren't they appropriate for someone who hasn't had hope, but now has some? (Sorry I must be mixed up. :confused: )

 

[Tinyflame]

I want to have fun with my partner, enjoy our lives together, and to know for sure that he's in it too...as much as his symptoms allow him to be - I'm sure you know what I mean by that.

I know what you mean @Peach , but that can be almost an oxymoron, those 2 parts. :(

 

[Sighs]

Sheesh! Surprised he went to the doc for the stitches...or did he do them himself? LOL

He literally said to me and a friend who was visiting who is a trained combat medic "Do you really think it needs stitches? I reckon it'll be okay." as the blood was soaking a towel we were holding under his face. Sigh!

I want to date (in whatever way his symptoms allow) and move in together

I think the problem is that you - understandably - want a linear progression. Even if its slow you want things to move in a direction. PTSD on the other hand is cyclic. Just when you think things are improving you find yourself back where you started from. I do live with my vet, but I often find myself thinking "I thought things would be better/ more settled / I would feel more secure / he'd trust me more / he'd treat me better / etc by now!".

I wish I had an answer for you @Peach. Long distance is hard at the best of times! PTSD is hard at the best of times. Hugs!

 

[Peach]

Yeah, @Junebug , actually most of what I said was an oxymoron.:rolleyes: LOL I said PTSD and all that comes with it wasn't a deal breaker...and then complained about some of the parts that come with it. But I know the people on this site can still understand those incongruous bits.;) It is, after all, a rather complicated affair.

@Sighs I know I do have to be careful with that - the grass is always greener type mentality here. That if we could just get together and if we just spend more time in person, etc. etc. etc. that we could do this and be better off for it. But you're right that every step forward has 5 steps back.

Without turning things into a fairy tale, I love him and think we could be great for each other. However, after all his feet dragging I worry that IF I do manage to worm my way into his life and would hopefully make him happy for a long time, it does scare me to think that it wouldn't work out and he'd be worse off emotionally because of it. Last thing he needs is the stress of another failed relationship, but the truth is that even with the best of partners and scenarios, you never know if things will last. And that is probably not the way I should feel at the very beginning of really getting things going. Ugh.

I talked to him today, we had a nice 2 hour conversation, first time in FOREVER, and I did bring up my ideas about getting together again. I asked him straight out if he really thought he could fly. I have my doubts. He was quiet for a few seconds before saying that it had been years and he wasn't sure. I told him I was more than willing to help him try it out, instead of trying to get him on a plane, by himself, for an all day voyage with at least one layover to here, we could get his feet wet by me flying to him, dope him up on his medication, and I could get him from point A to point B on a much smaller commuter plane to see his Army BFF which would take 2 hours. He's been wanting to go see him for years and years. He said he'd think about it. I told him that if he didn't think he was comfortable doing either of those that I would still like to come over again this year and stay with him again. And by this time he was done with the topic and said it would keep for later. It was either here or at the end of the call that he said I should just keep my head down and worry about my school work. So I turned to lighter subjects to get him laughing and it worked.

At the very end before hanging up, I told him I had loved talking to him and had missed him. He MAY have said "I know" (as in "me too") but I'm not sure about that. He told me to keep studying, wished me luck on my upcoming tests, and poof, he was gone.

Maybe I should just leave him be. Be a friend to him and let him stay with his head buried in the sand if that's what he wants.

It's just sad. We could be awesome together. I would have rocked his world.:p I have no idea what to do.:( Just take one day at a time, I guess. Nothing's changing right now anyway, until I actually meet someone else who grabs my attention there's no harm in waiting and hoping for Tater to come around.

 

[Sighs]

Hugs @Peach.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Yeah, @Junebug , actually most of what I said was an oxymoron.:rolleyes: LOL I said PTSD...

Why is it that there is always 1 fighter and one runner? I'm a fighter, and wish my ex/lady (whatever she is) was a fighter instead of a runner. You sound like a lovely partner for a guy to have. Hope things work out well however they may end up.

 

[Peach]

Thanks @mr_smith_v2 , looks like I'm a free agent now. Amazing how 2 weeks can change things. Now, I just want to keep my bestie around.