"smaller" Traumas Buries Beneath The Big Stuff?

[7Cs]

I would say my big trauma is from abandonment, complete physical and emotional abandonment by my adoptive parents that eventually left me homeless with noone to turn to as a teen.

My smaller traumas would probably never have happened if this big trauma hadn't happened. The smaller ones are in the scope that I think a lot of people may have developed ptsd for the individual situations alone.

They are the times that I was kidnapped at knifepoint, threatened with rape looking down a barrel of a gun and similar situation involving threats to my life or person. Each time I was left scared but uninjured. I'm not sure how!

While I have huge symptoms and emotions directly related to the abandonment issues, I don't even feel anything about the smaller ones. I can talk about them with no reaction what so ever.

I don't know if these are unresolved traumas that I should someday work through and find the (possibly repressed) emotions or if they really didn't effect me. I know I should ask my T about this but the only person I've talked to about these things are my husband and a few brief posts here.

 

[Friday]

On my own personal scale of f*cked up shit... I have smaller things I've sorted, and smaller things that are tabled but have a bit of sting to them, and smaller things I have no idea how they'll shake out once the bigger stuff gets sorted, and smaller things that -yeah technically are CritA stuff- but they have never even blipped the radar, and I highly doubt they ever will. Shrug. LOL. And yeah, that's just the small shit.

One thing I've come to learn is that my own personal scale? Is just that. It doesn't apply to absolutely anyone else but me. The big little scale? Is purely in relation to itself.

<grin> Just as a case in point; I don't personally give a f*ck about abandonment. It's teeny tiny on my list, although it has had some ongoing effect in my life, overall it's mostly positive -although it certainly wasn't at the time! . It's one of the things that's mostly sorted, but partly tabled, as it still has a bit of sting to it.

Does that mean all my hard stuff is above and beyond your hardest stuff? Pfft. Nope! I'm sure some of my hard stuff is teeny tiny on your own personal scale of f*cked up shit.

The theme I keep coming across, time & time again, is that it doesn't matter "what" is big or little... Go after the big stuff first. Other people's scales? Don't matter. In your own life, whatever is the hardest thing for you, personally, go after that one.

 

[LuckyDuck]

It's like looking in a mirror. Four months spent in either shelters, midnight bus hopping or behind dumpsters as a teen. Later on in life, I got hit by a truck, taken across province against my will and assaulted, and yet those ones are the ones I got through the quickest (before therapy, now I'm finding they're popping back up). Deprogramming myself of the abandonment and unhealthy patterns of thought/behaviour from my youth in the cult family I was raised in is the toughest.

I'm sort of at that impasse, too. I steeled myself against most of it early on. If they come up, yes, probably is best to work through them. Trauma or not, they did have an impact. I consider that getting it off my chest. That someone else knows and I'm not left with it alone. Externalizing it with words is better than keeping it inside, IMO.

LD

 

[7Cs]

Friday, Your so right about everyones scale being different. Different things effect people in different ways. When it comes to ptsd I think the hardest part is the symptoms that stem from the trauma... otherwise it isn't ptsd, right? And we all have those symptoms.

Lucky, That's what I'm thinking too. After the big stuff is sorted out and dealt with I'll decide how the little stuff needs to be managed, if it even does.

I guess I'm just worried about those emotions being uncovered and as hard to deal with as the things I'm dealing with now, Layers of an onion.

 

[Milo's papa]

C7, I agree with what's been said so far. Deal with the things that are bothering you the most first. In my wife's vernacular they would be the things highest on her list of "f** upedness". You cann always go back to the other things later.

One thing to remember though, there are no small traumas. They are just ones that aren't affecting us at this time. That doesn't mean they won't latter. Think of it like peeling an onion, you rarely cry taking off the outer layer, it's when you expose the meat that the tears come.

It's funny you mentioned peeling an onion. I was typing my responce to you as you posted that.

 

[Milo's papa]

Sorry I got th screen name backwards, ( LOL).:)

 

[7Cs]

Sorry I got th screen name backwards, ( LOL).:)

Didn't even notice til you mentioned it :)

 

[Sideways]

My big stuff is definitely the junk from when I was 12. That's what me & my T focus on, because it did the most damage. By far. There's some rather nasty situations that I've been through since then, but I figure my head will pretty much know what to do with those extras if I can get the big one processed.

Difficult part is that I know there's more junk from when I was 4, I've got small fragments of it that decide to stick their head out every so often & I don't cope with that at all well. And while I'm sure it wasn't anything like the trauma bonanza when I was 12, it still seems to rattle me a lot (Captain Understatement strikes again!!).

But as for dealing with that stuff - my sister was there (we were abused together - she was 6) but she refuses to talk about it (tried that conversation a couple of times), & for some weird reason my dad flips his lid when I start talking about it in even the vaguest sense (& no, he never abused me, quite sure about that!).

But hey, I can't afford to lose my family because apart from my T, they're quite literally the only people left in my life, so I guess the 4 year-old junk will just have to stay unprocessed. Hopefully it will hurt less over time.

 

[ladee]

Since being on the forums, I have uncovered the 'edges' that need to be processed. If that makes sense. Was so busy getting the Big Stuff dealt with, little things got left on the side of the road.... Now able to go thru the smaller stuff and realizing, my journey will not be done until I am finished with this part of life... I don't have to like it, but I do have to do it. That is my commitment to myself.... and abandonment is a huge issue for me... so I understand. Keep posting, getting it out.. a burden shared is a burden we can deal with... Hugs if you accept them.

 

[EveHarrington]

One day at a time.

Work on healing what is present. At a later time you may discover that the smaller traumas aren't so small.

That is, focus on the here and now and don't do a lot of guess work. If a trauma is a problem, it will let itself become known to you at some point.

 

[Milo's papa]

My big stuff is definitely the junk from when I was 12. That's what me & my T focus on, because...

Ragdoll Circus, as the supporter of the victim of 20+ years of horrifc trauma, I would beg you not to just let the "4 year old junk" go unprocessed. It will come back to bite you in the rearend somewhere down the line

 

[Sideways]

@Milo's papa - I'm determined to answer your post like a dignifed adult...

Fingers in ears, eyes shut tight, "Lalala, can't hear you!":whistling: