When I Am Happy I Am Mr Laurie, When You Piss Me Off I Am "him" !!

[Deleted member 20280]

I make no apologies for my language in this thread, I am totally f*cking livid.

As the title suggests I have split personality., as any member who knows me there are three Laurie's in here. There is me (Mr Laurie) the real me, he is everyone's best friend and defender, then there is little_Laurie my inner child who loves to run around and feel the warm grass between his toes on a summers day, he is the little me I savedbform the other Laurie **** HIM ****, don't piss him off for heavens sake, *Him* really is the nastiest bastard you will ever meet. *Him* is the coming together of all the traumas, abuses and personifies all the evil bastards who abused little_Laurie from the tender age of three, I located little Laurie aged five in therapy huddled in the corner covers in blood and bruises, dirty and knelt in the corner terrified of *Him*.


Well some stupid bastard has let *Him* out of his cage tonigt. As I threaded earlier i had to be rushed back into hospital today. Well that asshole Dr did just that and I have never been so f*cking angry in my 45 years of life.

I told that wanker consultant that I had to walk the two miles from the bloody hospital to e bus station and stood a good chance of missing the last bus home. Well they took x rays of my chest and blood tests at 8pm. Both sets of results were back within half an hour because the nurse informed me that my bloods were clear and my HB was satisfactory, at the same time she placed the xray down in front of the Dr. He sat there for nearly two hours giggling with the pretty young student nurse stuffing his fat bastaed face with bacon rolls, donuts and slurping his coffee. Then at 2215 this evening he flipped open the manila envelope containing my xray. Turned to the same nurse and declared I was fit for discharge.

I then had to practically march the 2 miles down to the town to catch my bus home. I arrived at the bus station 17 minutes later soaking f*cking wet because it was literally pissing it down. I was soaked to the f*cking skin just to to see the last bus leave the bus station and drive away.

As I only had my bus fare home I could not afford a taxi. I could not find a phone box to call my mum to pay for a taxi home. I had no credit on my mobile, so I am rightly pissed off now because I have had to f*cking walk ten bastard miles in the pouring f*cking rain at gone bloody midnight to get home.

That wanker must have known I would miss that last bus.

It took me nearly f*cking 4 hours to walk home, soaking wet. Tired and hungry.

I am a UK Armed Forces veteran and this is how the bastard NHS treated me. I wonder why *him* escaped.

 

[Stickler]

Typical NHS bullshit, Laurie.
He didn't do it on purpose, because he's a jackass who pulls down 100,000+£ a year and never, ever has to worry about when the last buses run.

They were going to discharge my ex-guy from the psych ward once...to his burglarized council flat...which was still a live crime scene that the police had neglected to investigate for over a month...and it was still illegal to enter his flat...

As he put it, " They couldn't organize falling down a hole!"

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so glad you made it home! How awful of an experience. That would really be miserable to have to deal with.

Yes, emergency staff at hospitals can be terrible, and government funded hospital staff tend to be even worse at times.

My aunt and uncle were ER nurses and they told me stories that had me absolutely appalled. It's awful what they can put people through with their doctor/savior complexes. They do a lot of unintentional and intentional stupid shit. No doubt an=bout it. :(

At the same time, I want to challenge you gently to go back through this post and list possible other interpretations for the behavior that happened. Not because I think the hospital staff deserves it, but because you do. You deserve relief.

Well some stupid bastard has let *Him* out of his cage tonigt.

For example, can you propose more than one possibility of who let *Him* out? and why? You can accuse the doctor of letting *Him* out. but that is giving the doctor a hell of a lot of power, and I don't think that crap doctor needs any more power than he already has.

Demonizing *Him* or the doctor isn't going to help you feel any better.

Focusing on how you frame a situation might help you regain some of the sense of loss of power and vulnerability that led to *him* coming out.

I told that wanker consultant that I had to walk the two miles from the bloody hospital to e bus station and stood a good chance of missing the last bus home.

Did they not have a phone at the hospital you could use to call for help to get home? Maybe you need a plan on file with the hospital so that from now on, they have to help you contact a ride home if it is outside of the hours a bus runs. I don't know if this is possible in the UK?

I once told a hospital I was going to wait in their waiting room until the first bus for the next day came. I curled up on some chairs and parked myself with a pile of crappy celeb magazines from the waiting room. (I ended up not having to stay in the waiting room all night. After 15 minutes, they gave me a cab voucher home pretty fast.) It was a crappy thing to have to think of being stuck at the hospital in the freaking waiting room all night... As a woman, it would have been too dangerous for me to even try to walk home. Most emergency staff really don't think about things like rides home. My uncle (ER nurse) once said, "if you are breathing, you are fine."

Some ER staff really get a rush from "saving" the dying and dealing with life and death medical care. But once they realize you will live, they move on to the next patient, and don't have the heart or space to care about much else.

But other ER staff, it's really genuinely just not on their radar because they are dealing with life and death situations. They may be worried about the 50 year old man who almost died of a stroke earlier that day, or having to give a bad diagnosis to someone else, or the child that died the day before or maybe they are just trying to distract from the pain of a crappy home life by chatting it up with the cute nurse.

Some are lazy and clueless, some are pathological and evil, and most are just ordinary people trying to do the best they can with what they have.

Just like you Laurie.

That wanker must have known I would miss that last bus.

Maybe he intentionally delayed care to screw with you to make sure you did not get that last bus home. If so, that would really piss me off too. Doctors have been known to do this.

Are there other possible interpretations of what happened?

I wonder why *him* escaped.

What are other possible interpretations of what happened other than the doctor letting him escape, and why?

Just a few thoughts. Please disregard if this is not helpful.

My heart goes out to you. I have had to deal with more than a few a--hole docs in my day, and I can feel so awful in response to the dumb/cruel stuff they can sometimes do.
:hug:

 

[Stickler]

FWIW, I would have walked back into the A&E, announced I'd missed the last bus home and told them I'd be sleeping in the lobby myself...and would they mind loaning me a blanket and pillow?
Also I'd be asking the morning shift for some free coffee and free donuts if any, as well as a look at the paper, of course, and if they happened to have a spare gurney so i didn't have to occupy some lobby chairs or the floor, that would just be SO grand...
After all, [insert doctor asshole's name here, and show discharge papers] has seen fit to discharge me in the middle of the cold rainy night...I'm not a physically robust person and all...i could have a SERIOUS exacerbation if tried to make it home on my own in the dark rainy night!
So he MUST have intended I be a guest of the A&E staff until I could get a ride home in the morning!
*Insert giant and somewhat sarcastic cheeky grin right here.*
So thank you all...:D ( and then go lie down somewhere out of their direct eyeshot and leave them the hell alone in actual fact.)

Laurie, you have brass balls and could sell a refrigerator to an Inuit, when you don't blow a gasket.
I too have a super raging asshole on board...actually a few of them.:). I like them.
I/we/they have some really good reasons to be furious as hell. But for practical applications you get farther not deploying that legitimate rage...but instead charming the pants off of people.
Most of the time.

Some people do behave better when you tell them you'd love to rip their spleen out through their nostrils, while wearing a berserk grin on your face. Usually that doesn't solve the situation.
( If I ever work in middle management, I may try that in committee meetings.)

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Laurie, you have brass balls and could sell a refrigerator to an Inuit

Balls of Steel :)

@Justmehere I justify my comments on who let *HIM* out as follows.

I have been the most regular attending patient at this particular ER since November 21st 2015 ever since I had my first major seizure, this one resulted in me breaking my nose, fracturing my right optical orbit, 3 skull fractures and 8 broken ribs, I was so badly injured I could not walk for nearly three days my spine was so badly bruised. This was my most violent seizure out of the 184 documents seizures I have suffered since.

I am so well known in this ER now all the Nurses know me by first name basis, the Doctors also know me that well they have a triage Nurse waiting to welcome me.

This particular Doctor and I have clashed regarding the second rate care I have received in this ER at his hands, the nursing staff and 99% of the Doctors are fantastic and I have a great relationship with all of them, they have even started joking with me that they are going to reserve me my own bay and name it after me.

Last night when I attended my favorite Doctor was on duty and welcomed me with open arms, he is fantastic and really cares, he is in fact the one Doctor that treats me better than any other.

This Doctor from last night who took over my care at shift change at 1900 hrs stated when given handover, bearing in mind because of my seizures the hospital management have instigated a policy that whenever possible I am to be bayed directly opposite the nursing station so that they can react in an instant as I have suffered major seizures in the ER and suffered some really horrific injuries as a result of slow intervention.

He was clearly heard by myself and the Nurse inserting my Canula so that I could be given a Plasma infusion because of my HB count to state and I quote, "Oh for f*ck sake not HIM, bloody man, he can wait"

This particular Doctor and I do not get on and he has been reprimanded several times by senior hospital staff because of his attitude and unhealthy actions towards young Nursing Staff *which I have witnessed and reported myself many times as stated in my opening post"

I have historically attended the ER in a state of drunken and drugged stupor and have acted I fully admit like the biggest Wanker in the world. The Nursing staff have brought this to my attention but in my defense I have stopped all drugs and hard liquor in the past 6 months with their and my own GP'S help and dedication. I have even sent in an official apology for my behaviour to the ER department Head, which I have been thanked for by numerous hospital staff because I requested in that letter that it be disseminated via email to all ER staff as I was so ashamed of my behaviour historically.

For some reason this DR does not like me and this is not the first time my care has been delayed as a result of his inadequate care towards me as a patient. I have complained to senior staff on many occasions, and I have been advised by some of the Nurses that there is an investigation ongoing into his inadequate care of patients, especially middle aged male patients who challenge his attitude like myself. **Ok these charge nurses should not have informed me of this fact but I have total respect for the nursing staff in this ER now as they have been lovely in their care towards myself and have been so patient and caring towards me, especially when I present in a state of coma due to the violent level of my seizures, usually with horrific facial injuries as uploaded to my own media page on this forum from new years eve.

I fully accept that I am responsible for keeping *HIM* under control which is why I did not,

FWIW, I would have walked back into the A&E, announced I'd missed the last bus home and told them I'd be sleeping in the lobby myself...and would they mind loaning me a blanket and pillow?

do as @Stickler suggested above, because I knew in myself that I would have ended up losing it mentally with this Doctor and I am desperately trying to get my life back on track and stop myself from allowing *HIM* to take control.

My current therapist has given me many many tools in my recovery toolkit to keep myself calm in these situations and we have been working extremely hard to keep me in the present and not let *HIM* take total control of me, I have been advised by my therapist that I should thread like I have on this thread so that I can visualise what has happened, understand how to control my ager and rages and better process these events, deal with them mentally and put them to rest, this technique is working wonders for me which is why I have been threading in this manner much more in the past few months.

You @Justmehere are one of my oldest and dearest friends on this forum and like some other more senior / long standing members like yourself I fully value you opinion and do not reply to your post to debunk what you have advise me in this thread but to explain better as I should have in my opening post so as to avoid confusion as to my actions in this matter, for which I apologise.

Laurie

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I am totally amazed at how effect processing this incident the way I have after taking psych advise and listening to other members these past few months, I am going to big myself up now and state categorically I am really proud of myself now :D.

Update

I have just got off the phone with 111 as I am now in that much pain because of the wet 12 mile hike I endured last night my ribs are so painful now I can hardly breath, my spine, hips, knees and ankles are so painful standing up is an effort let alone walking.

I am NOT going back to the ER as I want to control my temper and if I was dealt with by a certain "DR", who is still on duty as I have checked I would lose the plot.

The Nurse clinician is ringing me back to get me referred to an OOH Dr for a script for stronger painkillers as all I have at the moment is paracetamol (which for me is like and akin to giving a cancer victim tic-tacs).

Like I have said above, it feels great to now have this level of mental control over my nasty side, I may well treat myself to a kebab later :D

 

[ladee]

In case you hear clapping,:tup: shouting,:playful: hooraying,:joyful: and Go Laurie !!!! That is Ladee being very proud that you handled yourself.... hope you documented this.... but am even more proud that you are proud of yourself.:D:D... gentle hugs to a hurting friend.....:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Neverthesame]

Really, you're retired from the military and their still making you march 20 kilometres in the mud?

They should make that first doctor walk to your house, then have him stand out in cold while you and your mum have tea. Not for too long, just a couple of hours.

When he's finally let in, thoroughly cold an drenched. Literally add insult to injury, by giving him shit for taking so long to walk there and for dripping water on your floor.

Finally, as he's leaving (but still in earshot). Ring up the hospital and ask if they would be so kind as to ensure he has safe transport back to the hospital, because it would be a disgusting thing to do, making someone walk 20 kilometres cold and wet after wasting their time and insulting them.

Ok these charge nurses should not have informed me of this fact

Maybe not, but they are there to help you get better. Telling you something like that, had to have felt good to hear.

I think you're right about them being great nurses. They obviously care a great deal about their patients health. Not just physical, but psychological as well. Sounds like they went above and beyond to show the patient, for whom life has been so cruel. That there is still hope for things to to get better.

Oh, one more thing. You marched 17miles in your condition with nothing but some paracetamol. That is f*cking badass!

I have likely said sod it after the first two.

 

[Stickler]

Ah, so the doctor really is just one of *those*.
Losing it on one of those just gives them liberty to do even worse shit.
So I am very glad you did not lose it on him. Well done.

Hmm...I guess you'd better keep back cab fare home from the ER, or money for a b&b to go to in town, whichever's cheaper.

I, of course, encourage you to make a written complaint to the hospital director or some such, as Dr Pissant apparently DID discharge you in such a way as to make you miss your bus home. I stand ( or actually, lie down ) corrected.

Complaining's good, the open mouth gets fed.

 

[Just_Dan]

I make no apologies for my language in this thread, I am totally f*cking livid.

As the title suggests...

Laurie,
I totally understand the *him* that sticks his nose out to be seen when real life pushes back. I to have my own *him* and well no one I know enjoys his company. I hope you're doing better after the wet walk home

 

[Neverthesame]

The thing that really f*cked me off most about this. Was that Laurie had taken major steps in improving his health. Primarily with regards to sobriety.

I'm not a doctor, but I was in EMS. I get it, that it can be difficult to find empathy for someone who is deliberately poisoning themselves with drugs and drink. (I'm sure as hell not innocent in this regard either. I've had patients I should have been better too, and I loved to drink, for the wrong reasons.)

But when the patient who had been a regular visitor, with a known substance abuse problem, shows up sober. A fact which would have been on his chart, as tox screening is standard procedure for any patient that is to be receiving any kind of drug while in hospital. Or being assessed for nutritional deficiency (anæmia). Or who has a history of substance abuse.

If such a patient, comes in clean. The physician overseeing his care should be rewarding such good behaviour. To encourage the patient to continue to work towards sobriety and good health. Providing proper pain control, would be one such method. Making an effort to be kind and treating the patient with respect should always be first practice, but especially so when they have done something good for themselves.

By no means am I suggesting that Laurie needs to be coddled, no. But give credit where it's due. Sure as f*ck don't pass him off as a waste of time. The only patient that's a waste of time, is on a cooling board in the morgue. Sickening behaviour by that doctor.

Off the top of my head I can think of one really good painkiller, cocaine. Why would anyone in a field of medicine, treat a patient in a way that encourages them to return to bad habits such as self medication. Abhorrent display from this doctor.

@Mr Laurie Want to say one more time, f*cking proud of you mate.

For getting clean, and keeping your temper.
You're doing awesome, keep it up.