Only if you are comfortable, of course lostforgottensoul, but I would love to hear how you feel ritual within a cult leads to the desire to relive abuse?
I wish I knew. Its always been, my brain works automatically still ruled by cult beliefs, and its like "must do [said ritual] because god said so" along with whatever other auto dialog around it. Fight it, fight it harder, fight it even hard (as it gets louder and stronger) and soon my brain jumps to figuring out how to die...and i still dont get that. Most of my suicidal attempts are due to fighting rituals.
They arent like addictions, they are MUCH stronger than that. The best way I can explain is its like a cutting urge but way more strong, I can fight a cutting urge (which pushes me on the edge suicidal) but can still fight it way better than i can a ritual urge.
f*ck, if someone is gonna find a 'fetish' site (not because it is a fetish for me but it is for others) to play this out, it shows i would go to extremes to shut my f*cking brain up.
Anyway, this one is stopped. I dont exactly want to dwell on it, not that i care about answering questions, i just dont want this one to come back. And im currently trying to figure out how to 'turn' the other ones like I did this one to hopefully stop those too. Seems i sorta need to turn them on their head, or opposite, to change it and find the emotions around them.
Oh and put an @ in front of my username and you will tag me. I saw this cuz it was on my thread and im watching it but if you have a thread that the person you are speaking too arent watching or if its moving too fast, things can be missed easy.
Reference:
Link Removed
And if you click on my profile name you get a small page and if im showing my gender you'll see it (but can be hidden) and from there you can click on 'profile page'. ;)
