Sexual Assault Who Am I?

[elephants]

I was sexually abused by my father from the age of six, until my mother kicked him out when i was 14. I don't think i will ever fully understand the full effect that he has had on me, especially as i need to still talk to him (he currently pays for my school) my mother was more emotionally abusive so i actually find talking to him easier.

i keep reading that you need to find your old self after abuse or trauma but i have no clue how to do that, i mean i was six. how do i know who i am besides this? how do i not let this define who i am? how do i even know if who i am is who i am?

any suggestions as to how to start?
anyone know any good material to watch/read/listen too?

 

[bluebird]

Hi, I am sorry to hear you are experiencing troubles. I can assure you that you are not alone - many poeple were abused as very young children, including myself.

It's hard to accept the fact that we remember very little from the time before. I remember seeing my baby brother for the first time when I was two - and before my uncle started abusing me. I dearly treasure this memory.

But, I don't believe we were broken and damaged by something another person had chosen to do to us. The person you were before is not gone - you are still that person. You were not shifted into somebody else.

There were things taken away from you - the feeling of being loved, being safe.. This can be regained again, with time, while learning the ability to love yourself. But the essence of yourself is not gone. You don't have to remember the past precisely - that little child is still inside you.

Do you have anyone to talk to, a trusted friend, relative, teacher, psychologist, someone to support you? From my own experience, sharing my worries with someone close to me helped me overcome my insecurity about wheather I was a person with dignity and the ability to love (yes, I am, and it's good to know ;-) ).

There are some books regarding abuse like Courage to heal and others, but to me, one of the most insiring stories was the fairy tale Frozen - showing that your fear doesn't have to last forever.

 

[Sideways]

I agree that it's really common, particularly with child abuse from a you g age, to feel as though there isn't a real version of "you" if you take away all the abuse stuff piled on top.

Learning who you really are is gradual - it's part of the therapy process that you slowly come to know yourself, and even have the opportunity to redefine your self concept. But it's gradual, rather than a lightbulb moment.

Are you currently in therapy? Seeking help from someone who understands trauma is incredibly important...

 

[ghotiff]

i keep reading that you need to find your old self after abuse or trauma but i have no clue how to do that, i mean i was six. how do i know who i am besides this?

I've read these concepts too and I don't think they help with childhood trauma. I'm the same in that there is no pre-trauma me, I was too young. But, I do think learning who you are, and what you like is useful.

For example, I like drawing. I used to think I was horrible at drawing. One day I acknowledged that I liked it (to myself) and allowed myself to draw. I hid my drawing from everyone for the first year. Three years later, I never draw around others or "show" anyone my drawings but people do know that I like drawing. I don't think I'm "good" at it, but I've become comfortable with myself enough to allow myself to enjoy it. That I think is progress.