Fml

[Adam F.]

I feel like my life is falling apart all over again. I feel like everything that I do goes unnoticed over and over again. I feel like some days it would be better if I wasn’t around or just gone completely. I’m tired of always striving for greatness but being rejected. I’m tired of feeling alone even though I lay here next to my wife, who I love with all my heart but yet, I don’t get the feeling that it’s mutual. I’m tired of looking for answers. I’m tired of constantly being in my head and thinking about nothing but the worst possible scenarios about every aspect of my life. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough for her and feeling like she doesn’t care about my feelings. More than anything I’m tired of being tired and in a way, wish it would all end.

 

[driftaway]

PTSD can make life absolutely exhausting. It can make us feel isolated, invisible, and worthless. These things are called symptoms- it is not necessarily the reality of your situation. Allow yourself to feel this way, because we are allowed to feel our emotions, but remember that things can be looked at differently. Remember to be kind to yourself, because you deserve it. Gentle hugs if you accept them.

 

[Adam F.]

Thank you Lillie

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Welcome to the forum! :hug:

Ive been tired many many many times. You know what I did? I forced myself to yet up and move. I do things to keep my mind busy, I researched, I learned new things, I obviously talked to my therapist whom had also good ideas on how to get me moving foward.

Do you have a therapist? If not, Id def look at getting one. If so, talk this over with them as there are great therapies that will get you moving in the right direction and get negitive thoughts distraction techniques.

:hug:s from someone that understands that "Im just tired of fighting" feeling!

 

[Adam F.]

Thank you Lost

 

[ladee]

Yes, being tired is a constant companion. Let's me know I need more self care and more interaction in the world around me. To distract me, let me know I belong in this world, that I do have people that care about me and that I love dearly. I am happy you are here, if not happy about the circumstances that brought you here... it's ok to be tired, it's ok to take a break, it's not ok to quit.... this I tell myself every day. Gentle hugs if you accept them

 

[Leigh925]

PTSD is truly draining. Some days it sucks the life out of you. I have really good days and then I have days like you are describing. I have been married for almost 26 years and yet I still wonder why he would want to be married to me or if he still loves me the same. Through therapy I realized that I often don't feel love directed back at me. There are times I isolate myself...I think it is a way of protection. I some how think I am unworthy of love and then I go through phases of not wanting to feel his love. I don't want to get used to it in case he ever abandons me.

Every time I get those feelings and I make the choice to check in with him about them....I am wrong. I guess I am just saying make sure you aren't projecting those feelings on to her.

I love the author Brene Brown. I heard her say one time that the first story we tell ourselves when we get emotionally triggered by something is usually wrong and we should challenge the hell out of it.

I am finding that to be true. Often when my husband is stressed about work or finances or our kids… I assume it has something to do with me and I'm waiting for him to tell me he's leaving or that he doesn't love me anymore. He is often shocked when I tell him what I am thinking.

So challenge those thoughts! They might not be as accurate as you think they are. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Friday]

More than anything I’m tired of being tired and in a way, wish it would all end.

I try and remind myself that at my core, I'm a very simple person. My heart & mind are direct creatures.

So when *I* wish it would all end? I have to back up a step (or several). Or I'm mistranslating. Because it's super rational to want to be awake & alert instead of tired, to feel love instead of doubt and distance, to have relief from pain, to be happy instead of sad, etc. But my heart and mind don't make those distinctions. They don't say I don't want to feel THIS way anymore / I want to feel THAT way... AND then take that goals list and start breaking shut down into manageable steps to get there. Nope! I have to do that shit manually. :P My heart & mind just say "I don't want to feel this way anymore, full stop." Which is not rational. At all. It just feels rational. Feels complete. When it's neither.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

More than anything I’m tired of being tired

I know that feeling. You're tired of dealing with so much and dealing with so much makes you so tired and you just wish it would all go away because you're tired of it. Sometimes I give in to being tired and just give myself time to rest and sleep. Sometimes I choose distraction. Sometimes I choose challenging negative thoughts. Sometimes I reach out to connect with another human being. And sometimes I remind myself that I've had this feeling before and it doesn't last forever even though I feel so overwhelmed and tired.

 

[Ronin]

Hell, falling apart and falling into pits and all?

A good time to find out how to be comfortable at the lows.
And not worry about the heights for the time's sake.

So what do you need to be comfortable with that apart, if fixing it is not working at the time?

 

[Adam F.]

My biggest problem is being so damn tired but not being able to sleep and when I do sleep it's not good sleep.

 

[Ronin]

@Adam F., is there a way to rest otherwise than sleeping?

Or do activities you need while tired, but in a less tiring way? Sparing some energy on what you're already doing.