Excruciating Loneliness

[jc3]

The last two days have been challenging, today especially. I have had some success with participating in activities to keep my flashback symptoms at bay (tension reduction exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, inner child reassurance and cardio to name a few) but the pain of loneliness won't go away unless I'm with a friend which isn't always an option. I am grateful that I've chosen, thus far, to be on my side and not hurt myself which has always been a go to behavior when having a flashback. I know this will eventually pass and I try to remind myself of that just like Pete Walker suggests in one of his management steps. All I want is either my mom or God to be here with me whenever it feels like a pair of ice cold hands are constantly applying pressure to my chest. I feel like I am on an isolated island, thousands of miles away from anyone or like I am frozen in an ice age, milleniums away from relief. My inner critic convinces me often times that I have no one and that there is no relief in sight, but I am thankfully avoiding physical self harm for the first time ever in the midst of the storm.

 

[Tinyflame]

That is really good @jc3 . :tup: :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good for you on not self harming. Loneliness hits me the hardest on the holidays. I suggest having a planned pajama day filled with comfort foods, good movies to watch and what things you love to do to distract and get your mind into a better place. You deserve the treatment of self care and nurture and self nurture. Good luck.

 

[jc3]

Good for you on not self harming. Loneliness hits me the hardest on the holidays. I suggest haI have ing a plann...

Thank you. Yes, the holidays can be incredibly lonely. I would not wish this void onto anyone. A pajama day is a good suggestion although I have been having a hard time being alone at home recently. Thank you for the kind words.

 

[Leigh925]

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I'm so happy you have been able to keep the self harm under control. Even when I have people around sometimes the flashbacks come with such emotions swirling in my brain I tend to be really focused inward and it doesn't really matter that they are there....the isolation and lonliness still come.

I keep a list of coping skills close by. And they are great when I think to use them. Walking outside and being in nature always helps me but I don't like to do it by myself and even if I have someone...the flashbacks are exhausting. I have to really push myself not to just stay in bed.

Watching movies and eating things I like really do help. I think the planned pajama party is good. I really hope you feel better and can find some sort of comfort as you go through this.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's an incredible accomplishment to be avoiding self harm! :)

 

[jc3]

I'm sorry you are having a st time. I'm so happy you have been able to keep the self harm under contr...

Thank you for your kind words. I actually just got home from an inpatient stay over the weekend because of being overwhelmed. I am doing okay now and I think my time there was meant to show me another trigger for a flashback. Being locked up, even voluntarily, sends me back to a frozen state of fear when I was locked up as a kid away from my mother. my social anxiety consumes me the entire time and all I want is to be home.

 

[Leigh925]

Being locked up, even voluntarily, sends me back to a frozen state of fear

I can imagine!!!! Feeling trapped is a huge trigger for me as it was also part of my trauma. I freeze as well. My best friend has PTSD and she is a runner. I secretary wished cat times I had the courage to run instead of freeze but that is not how I operate. It actually hasn't served her well either.

I am hoping that you were able to get some benefit out of your stay and I am glad that you are safe.

 

[Powder]

Relationship issues are huge triggers for me, too. Even in a safe and committed relationship, I can feel terribly abandoned at times. This can happen with OCD, even more so, I recently found out. So, I guess there are a lot of people with the same vulnerabilities and who need support from time to time.

I hope this forum is that for you.