My Dad Is Faking Ptsd For Higher Benefits; Im Upset

[lostforgottensoul]

So I had no clue where to put this or what to title it. It is as its titled. My dad was in the US Airforce and did go to Vietnam for 1 year from '64 to '65.

He didn't have to go out in the bush, he stayed on base and has stories of patching airplanes with cut beer cans, inside facing out. He did see some things that were horrible like protests with buring little kids etc but he has never ever ever been diagnosised with PTSD nor has he ever shown any sympthoms or signs...ever!

He has diabeties and claimed that was due to Agent Orange...he claims to the VA that everything is due to Agent Orange but only has 50% disabilty and tried for 60% due to neuopathy in his legs but got turned down for it. He stumbles but he's also 74 yrs old, 75 in Aug. He obviously gets a VA pention and it was increased not that long ago.

My step mom doesnt have insurence and they cant pay for Obama Care and she says she cant work but she can in my opinion, she just refuses to.

Somewhere, out of the blue (likely talking to another 'Nam vet) he came up with the idea of faking PTSD to try for 100% disablity. My step mom would have medical through the VA, he can have someone come in to help my step mom (she can do more off meds then I can on meds...she can do more than i can), it would be a MAJOR increase in pay, and apparently your spouse doesnt get your VA pension if you die unless its 100% (which I totally disagree with) and he's at that age that he's thinking about when he passes...but its fraud, he doesnt have it or any sign of it and one f*cking nightmare, ONE, where he ran off the bed...one in all these years isnt going to convince me of it.

I dont know why this is making me so upset. Apparently a lot of vets do it as a guy told him to stare at the door as the Dr comes in or some stupid shit. Im an honest person, I never ask for something that I dont need and have issues for asking for something I do need...but something tells me that's not the entire reason.

This is the man that was emotionally abusive when I was little, physically and emotionally absent and said no with taking me with him when he was leaving my mom, I begged at age 9 and age 12 he said no again and he and my brother left me there, alone...im working on anger and forgiveness as he didnt know what was happening but missed very VERY red flags so something im working on.

He also today almost justifies my past, he downplays it until its not abuse; in his mind. Im sure he does this to cope but it very much upsets me.

Now he's pretending to have something I actually do have. He just got home and he said the VA Dr said "you probably do have a little PTSD"...whats a little PTSD? He obviously has to see a clincical psycologist but he has refused and refused to go to a therapist (for other reasons) but he will go to one to pretend he has PTSD? He also just said the Dr at the VA said that vets will work and occupy your mind and you dont show signs of PTSD until you retire....really? Hmmm, working doesnt occupy my mind where i dont show signs of it. Im not a war vet but still.

Am I wrong to be upset over this? Im not even sure of the entire reason I am but im fuming over it! Input please, any input. Maybe a few from some vets here cause I also feel this is like disrespecting his fellow vets that he went over there with that did have to go in the bush and fight and do have PTSD. The guys that came back from the middle east very f*cked up mentally but cant get help so end up on drugs and committing suicide. I feel this is major disrespect of all military that sufferers from PTSD.

Am I just blowing this out of proportion or do I have a right or reason to be upset?

 

[Gadgie]

I would have thought that it would be very difficult to fake having PTSD, he could read up a lot of information about it on line, and I suppose you could fake the symptoms?

But any professional therapist or psychologist would be able to see he is faking, when they start asking the right questions, or leave him to do the talking, he would end up shooting himself in the foot.

I suppose quite a few others have tried to fake it to get an increase in their vet pension, but I would have thought a lot of them have failed.

You are right to be angry about this, as it makes a mockery of all the poor sufferers who have actually got it!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

as it makes a mockery of all the poor sufferers who have actually got it!

I think thats part of it and the other part is he downplays ALL of my disorders and my entire trauma saying thinks like "just put it out of your mind" and "just get over it".

I have one of the biggest and best PTSD sourcebooks that my therapist had me buy a few yrs back, he wont pick it up, he wont educate himself and he is horrible at supporting me.

Im thinking once he goes see a clincial psycologist that they will be able to see that he's faking but so far the VA has pretty well given to all of what he has claimed. Im wondering if he starts saying things like "im having flashbacks of the war" (he was never part of the fighting other then in a guard shack) or "im having nightmares of the war" if they will be easier to say "yeah you have PTSD" than someone that wasnt in the military or part of a war.

The whole thing is making me sick to my stomach. He's doing it to get benefits for my step mom and she's already a pain pill addict, the last thing she needs is a pain dr whom may give her more pain pills! He also doesnt like paying for her Dr.

It also feels like he's taking one thing that I have and trying to mimic my sympthoms that he sees and hears of and that makes me sick!

I told him its making me upset and i didnt want to hear about it and he cant figure out why id be upset over it and now he's going around the house saying that he has PTSD. No you dont!

 

[Friday]

Honestly, from things you've written about him (here & elsewhere), he may well have PTSD.

You don't actually have to have been in combat, just being in a war zone with the constant threat of death day in and day out is enough.

So he may be attempting to fake being symptomatic for benefits, but if he gets into counseling? You might just see his massive avoidance of all things trauma (and embracing of all thing numbing &/or chaotic) tone down a bit.

Of course, he could just be an asshole.

 

[ladee]

I would most certainly be upset about this... in order to get more money he is negating all YOU went thru, that was REAL , and you have had to put yourself back together again.. without his support.... we can only hope the Dr's see thru this crap..... but don't let it derail you either.... have your feelings, talk about it.... but try your best not to let the hypocrisy of this take anything away from the progress you have made..... Lessons here somewhere... but glad you told him you don't want to hear it !!! Hang on to your progress !!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

but if he gets into counseling? You might just see his massive avoidance of all things trauma (and embracing of all thing numbing &/or chaotic) tone down a bit.

Maybe...he def needs counseling due to his massive avoidence of everything...my trauma, my step mom's addiction. Im not one to say "you dont have this mental disorder" but I just find it suspect that ive never heard one word of him having PTSD nor does he talk about his time in Vietnam as a bad experience but of just a few things. He talks a lot about good times Saigon and stuff. Could he be avoiding and supressing the bad? Yes, but i just find it suspect that i dont hear one word until im diagnosed and show symthoms.

I dont know, he's not an asshole...he can be an ass but he would do anything for anyone. I guess that if he's faking it...and he's saying "im only doing this to get [my step mom] benefits" and when my step mom told him he would need to go to counseling he said he would go until he got diagnosed then stop going.

It all just sounds super suspect and upsetting but you are right, he is an avoider, if i say and pretend it didnt happen then it didnt happen, stick his head in the sand kind of guy so maybe...

Im trying to figure out why im having this massive reaction to it. Ive been so nauseous since i heard he was doing this.

ETA:

@ladee thanks for that. Im trying not to let it derail me. Thats why i posted it as soon as i had this reaction because it was just gonna fume inside of me and get worse.

He's now talking about money if he gets 70% instead of 100% blah blah blah. If you have PTSD, isnt it about getting better? Not money! If i could pay someone to take my PTSD away I would...i dont give a f*ck about money!

@FridayJones i miss read the getting into counseling his avoidence and drama stuff tone down. It may, if he stays in counseling. He has this "im too old for therapy" minset so i dont know.

 

[ladee]

Why do you think this is getting to you so bad? Just be quite with that for awhile.. it will come to you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@ladee thats what im trying to figure out.

I know some of it has to do with him not supporting me but then claims to have a disorder that i have when he cant even support me in my issues.

I know im still holding anger and resentment from the past, from him leaving me there and my therapist and i have talked about that. Unsure of why i cant let it go. I know it would be easier if he admitted that he missed a million red flags and stops downplaying it all but i have to figure out how whether he does that or not. I think thats a lot to do with it to. You downplay this, this place you left me in alone when im literally begging you to take me, you downplay what happened actually telling me "i dont know if it happened, i wasnt there" along with the rest of my family and then dare to fake a mental disorder that i have.

Its fueling anger, i know that. I dont know if its from the past or now (downplaying it & not believing me) or both but its def anger.

I will need to sit with that. It was a fast and massive reaction and its a bit confusing.

 

[ladee]

Good idea to set with it for awhile... I think what you said is it, but you need to be clear within yourself. And I understand you live with him...but know if it was me, and I had to hear any of it, I'd have my music and earbuds and be listening to that instead of him... You don't have to listen to it... and the only thing that really matters, is that you do not let this take you to the rabbit hole.... Maybe now is going to be the time to deal with his abandoning you. There it is, right in front of your face now.... and it's not up to you to prove he does or doesn't have it.... all that matters is you staying focused on yourself and not giving any of your power away right now.... You have your own answers... trust yourself....

 

[lostforgottensoul]

all that matters is you staying focused on yourself and not giving any of your power away right now

Thats the sentence right there. I give my power away to everyone and i need to learn to take that back.

@ladee have i told you lately how awesome you are? :hug:

Thanks everyone for helping! His actions with the VA really doesnt (or shouldnt) affect me. Me is the only one that matters to me...i have to learn that...or get that through my head.

Dealing with the resentment...thats something ive been working on for a while. Theres some things that i hold tight on to and just cant seem to let it go and dont know why. But you are right, its a good time to start invesigating it.

 

[ladee]

Give yourself a lot of attagirls for regrouping so fast... for allowing yourself to be validated. For seeing what needs more of your attention....You got this..... it's not about him, it's about you !!!:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

it's not about him, it's about you !!!

Yes it is! Thank you! :hug: