Relationship Facial Injury

[Sighs]

Sigh! My vet suffered a serious laceration to his face on the weekend. He wasn't being reckless - it was just one of those accidents that happen on farms sometimes. He needed 17 stitches to put his lip and cheek back together.

The ER doctor offered to send us to the city for a plastic surgeon but my vet laughed and said he didn't look in the mirror. The ER doc did a good job but the wound runs from his top lip halfway to his ear. He has gone into isolation. He doesn't want to leave the house. He says he looks like the Joker.
He still looks handsome to me but he didn't want me to cuddle him last night. He said he was disfigured and I wouldn't want him anymore. I asked him if the accident had happened to me would he still love me and he said of course. I said it was no different for me.

Any ideas on how to support him as the wound heals?

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Sighs ... You're going to have to encase that man in bubble wrap!

It's probably going to be rough for awhile. More pain on top of the back pain, and pain = stress. New scars. Oi vey.

I wish I could offer up some advice with my commiseration. My vet gets like that too... "I'm a cripple, you're young, go find a whole man blah blah blah." All I can think of to do is just stay put. Maybe he'll realize I'm not going to leave him.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

:hug: @Sighs - you really are going through it at the moment.

I guess you just need to reassure him and make sure he takes the best possible care of his wound.

Could you do something extra special for him on Valentine's Day (without being soppy, as I guess he wouldn't appreciate that, or adding to his stress his levels)?

 

[nursenurse]

It's going to look nasty for a bit, so you may just have to hang in there at least until the stitches are out. Once they are out it is amazing how things quickly heal up. Honestly plastics may not have done a better job visually than the GP did. You still have to have stitches and a line. I can't tell you how to cope with him per se, but I can tell you that these things usually heal really well. We use finer sutures on the face. So maybe some reassurances to him about the healing process?

What he sees as a flaw is what we see that brings character to a face, it is hard to convince someone of that though, when all he sees is the track. It reminds me of when my friends and I were teenagers. One of us at any given time would have developed a huge zit somewhere on our faces (we called them "juicers"). And I still remember feeling that all folks would see was the zit on my face lighting up the pathway before me, because we all know that red light has one of the longest wavelengths. And we thought it was impossible for anyone (boys) to like us because of the beacon on the face. I imagine that is kind of how your guy feels right now. In more adult terms, of course along with the PTSD. Another "flaw" to add to his perception of his flaws. I hope that time will help this. What would he have done had the accident happened to you...? It is the same for you. I hope ;) Reassure him of that.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Tell him chicks dig scars? ;)

 

[Scarface]

I'm sorry this happened. My forehead was disfigured in an accident a year ago. Everyone told me I'd be fine, that it would heal to be barely noticeable. Well it didn't. I also had a scar revision surgery and numerous other scar treatments that failed. Bottom line, don't assume he'll heal up just fine. Don't tell him they can fix anything. These are some of the misleading things that all my family and friends told me right after the accident. Of course, now that it didn't heal well, I am left with even more devastation and heartache because I got my hopes up. The disfigurement has ruined my quality of life and I rarely go in public. I have isolated myself from everyone. Facial disfigurement is a curse and there is no God in my life. I look foreword to my death because it will end my suffering

Also don't listen to nurse-nurse and compare it to a zit to him. Traumatic scars are NOTHING like a zit that will go away in a week or so. Scars are permanent. One of my so called friends tried to compare my scarring to a stye in her eye. Talk about minimizing my pain. I haven't really talked to her since.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Scarface, no offense, but this scar is not the worst thing that has happened to her vet. He's lucky he's alive. The scar is just a new stressor.

 

[Scarface]

@Sweetpea76 she asked how to support him as he heals. I'm just giving my opinion since I've been through this nightmare. I'm not trying to hijack this thread so I'll keep this short. Facial disfigurement has the potential to cause severe psychological problems and the severity of the injury is often not directly proportional to the amount of suffering it can cause. He's already isolating himself and feeling disfigured. That is not a good sign. I'm just suggesting for her to not downplay the severity and act like it will heal ok and can be fixed. It's like telling the paralyzed person that they will walk again. People told me those things as I watched my face get more and more disfigured day by day.

 

[glass half full]

Sigh! My vet suffered a serious laceration to his face on the weekend. He wasn't being reckless - it was...

Sighs- I can't offer advice on supporting a person with PTSD through this, but have a couple of general suggestions. My right arm was badly broken in a freak hiking accident. As a result I have two very long surgical scars up my forearm. I know arm is not face, but bear with me a minute. There is no way not to feel self conscious with stitches in his face and there's no way of knowing what this will look like when its healed. Even when the stitches come out that's just the first step in healing. Its likely that wound will be red or purplish for some time. When my last cast came off five weeks after my injury and surgery- I was very self conscious and jokingly said I was going to wear a tee shirt that said -no, I did not slash my wrist- people's eyes naturally gravitated to the scars. This is just human curiosity, but it feels awkward. No doubt much more so with the face.

I would suggest buying a bottle of Vitamin E oil and using it as soon as he's healed enough that the skin is no longer broken. Not only will it keep the skin moist and supple- great for good healing, but Vitamin E will help reduce the discoloration of the skin/scar more quickly and effectively. One of my incisions had to be reopened to remove the plates and screws- I used the E oil as soon as possible. Frankly many people have known me for years before they even noticed it was there and this is an 8 inch scar. E oil is good stuff. You can make sure its gets used my massaging it for him- spoil him a little, cause we all know guys usually won't do this for themselves!

 

[glass half full]

Sighs- I can't offer advice on supporting a person with PTSD through this, but have a couple of...

One other option came to mind- I have a very grim, but goofy sense of humor- maybe get him a pirate hat and park a plush parrot on his shoulder, he can Aye Mates, or whatever pirates say to break the ice if your going to coax him to see friends. A costume hat with attached hair piece- kind of like a Rasta knit beret with attached dreads will likely cover the injury if the dreads are generous enough. Obviously I have no idea whether his sense of humor would go for this, but just a thought.

 

[Sighs]

Its now 2 months or so post the injury and it has healed up very very well. I was amazed at how quickly the red/purple colour faded. While the scar is till fairly large it is not all that noticeable. He has a number of battle scars on his face as well so the whole effect is rugged handsomeness! (Ok - I'm a teeny bit biased! ;))
Thank you to all for your advice. This site is the one place I can talk about this stuff and I appreciate it - and by that I mean all of you - very much.