Has "fronting" To Therapists Ever Cost You?

[katz]

I'm too functional for most therapists to take me seriously.

Fronting the symptoms is all...

Yes. I can understand that!! Me too! I have learned over the years to "be normal". My family has little or no emotions. I learned from an early age that showing emotion was bad. I learned to fight- verbally- very well, as a way to hide your true feelings. But, if I let myself feel things like sadness or grief, I was sent to my room or just told to leave, instead of getting the comfort that I needed--no wait--deserved, as a child.

 

[Sideways]

Over the past few months I've tried the alternative- being as honest with my therapy team as possible...I'm on the cusp of losing the lot of them for being too plain complex. You can't win!:banghead:

 

[formicism]

Over the past few months I've tried the alternative- being as honest with my therapy team as poss...

This happened to me... though I wonder what will happen when I switch psychiatrists; I'm looking forward to being able to start fresh with a provider: try to convey a more nuanced version of myself, with both the good and the bad. We'll see how that goes!

 

[Kintsugi]

Are you seeing trauma specialists? I feel like maybe that factor could be a game changer.

My T history is sort of weird. I appeared to have depression and GAD when I was about twelve. My parents were positive I had been sexually abused and erroneously assumed it had been in the previous year or otherwise pretty recently. They stuck me in therapy with a T who specialized in children and sexual abuse, where I was diagnosed with GAD, and then a couple of years later I disclosed my much, much earlier CSA by my brother, who was then compelled to go to a T himself, and I really don't know exactly how all this shit worked out legally, but basically his T was able to inform my T of my brother's sessions, and I was even able to meet with my brother's T and get information from him about the black holes in my memory, which reeeally solidified my diagnosis of PTSD, I'd say, for my T.

My current T--who specializes specifically in PTSD--didn't diagnose me with PTSD until I was able to actually tell her about some of the trauma, which I did via email in a fit of rage in response to knowing she did not have my diagnosis down as PTSD (which felt frustrating and invalidating).

Anyway, all this to say, when I was very young, it was pretty clear that there was something deeply the matter with me, but all through this mess, I have maintained a consistently flat affect, and I've been exceedingly high functioning. However, it's my impression that those who specialize in trauma and PTSD are better equipped to read someone who isn't overtly presenting as symptomatic, and they seem to be better at understanding stoicism as something that is just as often present with PTSD as is hysteria (forgive the anachronistic double-entendre)?

 

[Orange Moose]

feel like I have to "perform" my PTSD for providers (psychiatrists in particular, .

Can relate too much to this...

 

[Leah123]

Just adding how well I can relate. My inner distress has been hard to convey even to my therapist, we finally found a code word to help her get it. I'd just gotten far too effective at masking it and have also tended to always be extremely high functioning with rare exception, and really invested in compartmentalizing. It's been a rough transition to a more consistent affect and it's still a bit of a work in progress. Vulnerability, used to read like an obscenity, and can still smart a little.

 

[RobH]

Yep, me too! I was diagnosed in 2016! Been seeing my therapist since 2010. I have seen therapists on and off since 1991 and they were all wrong but when you live with this for long periods of time it just becomes you to a degree IMHO so you see, you are not alone in this for sure. Once my current therapist identified some events in my life as trauma it kind of snowballed from there but it seemed most therapists were somewhat dismissive of my concerns labeling me as somewhat of a hypochondriac. I've been misdiagnosed as manic depressive, bipolar and even schizophrenic which I always knew it had to be something else. I try to present myself as well mannered humble and "in control " even though it felt like I was dying on the inside. This is one f*cked up ride I've been on. I just recently told some family members of my diagnosis. Most of them still believe I'm everything else but. I've learned in my teen years to be careful what you say to people you don't trust. It can backfire big time. I was almost hospitalized because I drew a shark with teeth when a counselor asked me to draw something I liked. I like sharks but drawing them anatomically correct with teeth is a sign of aggression, according to her. Like I can't try to be a perfectionist and try to draw the shark like it is. My current therapist I have developed a lot of trust for, which I'm very thankful for. The therapists I've seen in the past, mainly the ones I associated with my dad and stepmom, I couldn't trust worth a damn. I got put on so many pills that I didn't need and received some therapy that wasn't necessarily to my best interest. I feel you dude. I put up such a good front that I had to dig deeeep to get to the root of my problems and even though it seems very cathartic to me now, it was torturous to rethink my whole life and look at it in a difficult and different way. Like there was nothing wrong with me because everyone lived like I did and went through what I went through. I guess I tried to " normalize " myself or my condition. God only knows how much that may have set me back or did more damage. Whew, even this part was hard to post but it gives me some self awareness of me actually doing that in my younger days.