Positivity On The Chat

[Bloomy]

So it happend again. I log into the chat to share some progress that is important to me and It seems I boom the chat and that positivity is not name of the game.

It feels like people just say great and good and such just to please me and to move on to next subject? Cause no one ask more about what was positive or good?

Like today Ive overcomed my self applying for a job I want. And need. It means a lot to me to make this progress. So the described above is what happend. It almost feels like not real enthusiasm when I get this feedback. No one asked what job it was or anything, but just move on as quik as possibly to next subject.
And then - utter silence. Seems I was left alone.

Dont get me wrong. Im so grateful for the support I get here on my bad days. But I dearly wish for support also on the good days or when I achive something constructive. This is what happens to me offline to. When Im negative I get attention. Positive no attention.

I feel ashamed of myself now for logging into the chat and being engaged and glad and wanting to share. I feel like I should go back into my corner and stay there. Yes I know its probably not what people mean, but I feel this way when people seems to neglect. And yes its not your job to encourage me or to be glad on my behalf. But then just tell me that. We are not interested in your constructive story so please lay it of.

If this post is in any way written in bad manner is beacause Im very shameful of myself right now and I feel bad. Or if its silly or Im being stupid or such. Please just ignore it if its incorrect.

I just need to air this out.

 

[ladee]

@Bloomy, I understand how you feel. I don't go to chat for a lot of reasons, but when I want someone to know of an accomplishment or I need help with something, I start a thread. Or read something on the forums.. Chat is fast paced for the most part and you will get more feedback if you let the community know what is going on with you. You have a wider audience and sometimes what you post helps many people at the same time.. or you get more feedback that helps you to see things differently.
Please don't go back to your corner. You deserve to be heard and get positive attention and feedback... just try expanding your audience..
And very proud of you for doing what it took to apply for that job. I hope you get it and keep us updated. We find courage we didn't even know we had.. and we do need encouragement and support..
Hope this helped. You ARE important !!! Gentle hugs for stepping out and making things happen in your life.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

:hug:

I'm really sorry.

To clear up a bit, people jump in and out of chat a lot, so a better place for further discussion might be threads :) As you know, Laurie is in pain, I'm in pain, and people are often shy to talk, which makes chat a bitless of a constant when the regulars aren't on. Do not take it personally, it happens, and it's the social anxiety that makes you feel like it's your fault though it isn't

It's good to vent stuff out :) And I'm glad you said whats on your mind, thank you for that. Sharing opinions and thoughts helps a lot with communication

So, to conclude, it's not your fault, chat sometimes just randomly dies.

 

[Virtues]

• Now this I'm sorry to read... How could a fantastic day go to shit that quickly over this chat room, that makes me sad. I don't know exactly what was said, or in this case what wasn't, but please don't get down about yourself, you've hit a very defined milestone that you should be proud of, and eff everyone else if they don't see that. I have only ever gotten positive feedback here about my milestones (but then again I don't usually share in the chat, I post in the forum so it may be a different experience all together). You may just have gotten a couple of people in the chat that were down on themselves having a bad day, week, month, etc... Please don't let that ruin it for you; you should be proud of your accomplishment. For what it's worth I am proud of you.

 

[Casey_03]

I second what everyone else here said -- chat is just not the place to go if you want feedback. Better to start a thread. Everyone in chat is sort of in their own separate discussion. And while I totally understand where you are coming from, I think in this case you took something very personally and saw it as an insult to you when it wasn't at all (I went in and read the chat and it definitely wasn't any sort of insult or intentional neglect). It might be worth examining why you had this reaction and assumed that the lack of a response meant no one cares and people hate positive news ... I would guess that maybe this reminded you of someone else in your life? It's just a huge leap to make, and if you objectively look at your train of thought, you'll see it was irrational and probably motivated by toxic shame or something similar: "No one is responding to me on an Internet forum, therefore they must hate my positive news." You took a positive and turned it into a negative; your feelings shouldn't hinge so much on the reactions of people around you. (I don't say that as a judgment, this is something I myself need to work on as well) People do care on here, they're just on different schedules and frequently off in their own worlds or dealing with their own stuff. So don't take it personally, or at least try not to. And tell us about your job! I for one would like to know more details.

 

[Bloomy]

I just find it peculiar that If Im down people will step up for me, but If there is something like today they will not.
Ok lesson learned. Next time make a thread instead. Just that I wanted to have quik support before I logged of to seize the rest of this day. Since it worked with quik support on bad days I thought it also work on good days.

Im sorry and I aoplogize.

This is painful to me cause as written I more often get support on the negative whilst on the constructive Im in lack of the same support.

@Florian7051 - I probably should not get down on this and let it ruin my day. But I so sorely need support when I do something that can be tright. I never had that.

@ladee thanks. Ive been working up the guts for weeks to apply for this job. Was afraid I couldnt write it within the deadline and waited to the last moment that is today. Then I was also worried I would not be able to write it cause of my shameful self within such short notice in a constructive manner instead of pleading. But I did. I overcame myself. Even if I dont hear anything as to an interwiew it means a lot. As you say - stepping out to make things happen.

@Saelben - yes I understand this well. But its this point that strike a hurtful core within me. My "mom" was always to sick to care. I was the best student in class, but she never lifted even one eyebrowe about it. I only got the attention when I was doing something she percived as bad. It makes me feel that the good I do is not meaningful, but only the things that keeps me in the negative spiral. This also concern the "friends" I had the last years. If I talk of something good they didnt like it. Thanks for feedback.

 

[ladee]

You didn't do anything wrong at all. I understand how you feel. A similar thing happened with me when I first got here...but in the end it just helped me to broaden my horizons ...
And it was a major accomplishment.. For those of us who don't go to chat, we would never have known about how hard that was for you and yet you did it anyway... Along with getting the support you need, it also gives others hope !!!
You did awesome... each time we face a fear, we are further on our journey... happy you shared with us :hug:

 

[Bloomy]

@Casey_03 as written Im all to aware of what you write as to my own comments here.
Im aware I should not let the lack of support hinge me, but I need, as I ve written in comments, social connections where someone or somebody or anybody cheers for my progress. I all to often felt it doesnt count as Ive written since I get attention on the negative, but not on the constructive. Yes indeed Im hurtful in this area. I know.

The job is for an organisation Ive sent several applicants to this year. I really want to work for them. Outdoors organisation. As project worker to included and involve young people in organisation and volunteer work and especially young people on the way to fall out of work life. The jobs Ive applied for before in this organisation has been reception worker so this position as project worker is especially interesting to me.
It also ment I needed to upgrade my cv. I have had so bad self asteem after loosing my job It felt like I couldnt. Like I nothing to show to. But I got my act togheter and reminded myself of the skills I actually have and what I can actually bring of value and did the cv today as part of applying for this job.

And all of you guys in this thread - thanks so much for the support. Feeling better now.

 

[EveHarrington]

Chat-------I don't think you don't want my real opinion of chat so I'll just say that making a thread really is the best place to get feedback. :)

I honestly think it's awesome that you've applied for a job. CONGRATS!

With chat-----I have found that I REALLY have to read the room before stepping in. I have mental notes of who is chattable and who is not. Many times I view chat and pass on by because the vibe isn't right. Not the right people; not the right topic; not the right mood. I feel like a chat room stalker but it's necessary after having a number of not so good chat experiences.

Take the good; leave the bad.

And again, congrats! :)

 

[Bloomy]

@ladee Im doing my best effort to be brave and do what I think I can not this year. Including being clear on what I need and stand up for what I dont need. Face the fears yes :hug:

@EveHarrington I was so shaken and so stirred after sending it I think I was in delerium. In additipn to all the espresso Ive pumped myself full of to pull it through today. Thanks :)

This has been a really helpful and constructive thread and Im glad I dared to air it out.

 

[ladee]

Hope you get that job ! Sounds very interesting and challenging. Was proud to read that you stopped and looked at all you have to offer. What an amazing insight ! Let us know if you get the job!! Supporting you..
And along with your application, you also voiced what you needed. And now have at least received the support you deserve. Proud all the way around.... Maybe we will see you on the forums more... You have a lot to offer in the stage you are in... you represent 'hope'... and we all need that.

 

[Virtues]

@Casey_03 as written Im all to aware of what you write as to my own comments here.
I...

I'm not 100% sure I understand what it is you'd be doing, but I'd like to hear some more. Unfortunately I am leaving the house in 10 minutes to battle one of my own dragons (huge milestone for me) and I'm fighting the butterflies right now. However if you would like to explain a little bit more about the position, I would love to read about it when I get home tonight. That's only if you want to. I'm not bailing on you, I really would like to hear more about your success.