Recent content by wallygator

Probably the most difficult issue to deal with is when you realize that most if not all you believed was false or based on faulty truths. Realizing that all you knew was based on fear and loathing. When it started happening to me a couple of years ago I was very frightened because all I knew to...

Lately I have noticed that I feel less stressed and more content. I think the medication really has helped me move in this direction. Today i was thinking of how i used to hide in the shadows of my living areas. low light or darkened rooms, with minimal lighting. Somehow I felt that I was hiding...

Hi, back in the 90s when I was hospitalized, I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 17 and originally I was given imipramine, when that was not working out too well they gave me prozac, (prozac was new at the time) but it was still not enough. It was helpful, but there was something...

These days, since I have taken the step to take positive steps in taking care of myself by taking prozac and propranolol for my CPTSD condition, I do not feel so much suicidal as I did 2.5 months ago, for a long time suicidal ideation was with me all the time. I would constantly think about want...

As I went through this awful journey, I learned early on that I was a bad person, that nothing was there for me and that people are my enemies even though I desperately wanted them to love me. My fiction was always about how evil I was and that if people knew the real me they would run away in...

Ever since I was young and this problem started I always felt that I needed to be saved or somehow loved by people I met. It has always troubled me how these feelings of need made me feel. I would always do the points listed in the linked article. I always felt that I was having conversations...

I am finding that taking medication helps me stay more stable. I am still isolated and still the same introvert as I always was, but now I don’t have to beat myself up of be negative to myself 24 hours a day. It comes and goes but it is so much more quiet now. I have been back on medication for...

I found a band called LOW ROAR while playing what is now my favorite game: Death Stranding. The song I listen to the most is: Friends make Garbage, Good friends take it out.

Its a title of a book that helped me understand what I suspected for a long time. That my body is in constant lookout for dangerous and abusive people. This morning I was feeling the feelings of self hate and depression and I was remembering some of the skills from CBT about challenging the...

I remember when I was hospitalized and was being discharged, my favorite nurse person and my doctor both told me a story how my life was going to be like a hike on a mountain of sand, and that when I got to the top that I should not be surprised to see another mountain to climb, possibly for the...

I would like to propose that medication is really the only way to go. Ever since I was hospitalized in the 90s I have been prescribed some kind of medication for my problems and I resisted them all the way. I would take them, things would feel better, than I would fall off the wagon again and...

you are not alone in feeling like this. i often feel very afraid to go to places where there are lots of people, or its an open space. one thing my therapist used to tell is that I should just go and do what I want to do and that I will find after a while the feelings calm down because I would...

In addition to what sideways said, medication might help you to stay cool, calm and collected and help you be more amicable and friendly to folks. It's not that we are bad people, it’s just that we feel so bad that it spills out into the open.

for a long time I tried my hardest to fight and be strong and tried to hide myself from others because I was afraid they would see the intense insecurity I experienced. I was not aware of how terrible it really is to feel anxiety daily, feelings of panic and always looking out for enemies in...

weed and the substance of CPTSD I finally figured out that weed exarcerbates my CPTSD condition, while it seems to help in some way, the over comsumption and addictive personality that CPTSD engengers causes me to become seriously volatile, paranoid and agressive. I was not really aware of this...