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  1. S

    Depressed on my birthday

    I disagree about lists. It might have to do with being a visual person. It feels like if I don't have something on paper (not phone) it doesn't happen. Also I hate reality+how I feel very often right now. Lists like what I mentioned keep me to get her because I orient myself towards what I can...
  2. S

    Depressed on my birthday

    Thank you! That does sound familiar, sans kids I suppose, so respect to you. I think the worst part about the money isn't the money, but that it made me break a promise (the debt part I should have sent), got the person to get mad at me and say I'm the worst, and the worst part of it- in this...
  3. S

    Depressed on my birthday

    I'm really low. It's probably my fault, I know. Last year I let my depression get to a point where I didn't get help and had to leave my apartment, the country I was in, the language I spoke, the only place that was ever actually feeling like home to me. My birth country is only bad memories for...
  4. S

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    This forum. For the things I don't know how to say to anyone else who doesn't experience this. Being able to write fanfiction stories.
  5. S

    Struggling with ideation at the moment... ugh...

    Do what you need to do. You matter. However that feels right now. When I felt that way last summer, I didn't feel I could afford the 3 days for inpatient (stupid, and had consequences, long ones, but hopefully not permanent ones). But at least every time I felt like I couldn't take it, I made...
  6. S

    Financial stress and coping badly

    Is there a way to cope better? Last year I got my shaky finances in a dumpster practically. I wasn't okay, and I made hard situation worse. Anyway. I know I am definitely not the first person in a lot of debt but still building income back up. Which means there is this constant juggling of...
  7. S

    This week is... I just need to think that it will be ok

    Actually that is amazing for you. Thank you for the extra inspiration! I am indeed teaching ESL, but not for as long so hearing this helps:). I feel like I'm failing my older parents all the time. Not sure how I would cope if I had a child too. On one hand it's motivation to keep going but it's...
  8. S

    Rebuilding alone

    Therapy is a journey, not a process. It's still better that you started the process even if you aren't done and it feels messy now. Keep going. Don't think of it in the way we think with medicine- I take this for X amount of time, then I will be fine. Think of it in terms of healing. Keep doing...
  9. S

    Rebuilding alone

    Oh ain't that the truth... It's like a tornado heading towards you. And you can tell it's coming and it will be bad and still really make it better. Just brace for impact, sort of... But you are starting over. That will have ups and downs and everything in between for a long time. So flashbacks...
  10. S

    This week is... I just need to think that it will be ok

    Thanks. Same for me by the way. Despite everything, for a couple months now I am finally sleeping without medication. Which is first for a decade for me. I still can't fall asleep without help a lot of the time (meaning movie, or if I'm somewhere at an event until so late that I'm too tired)-...
  11. S

    I miss…

    Having an apartment to myself and being fully independent. One day soon, I hope...
  12. S

    This week is... I just need to think that it will be ok

    I think I just needed to hear that. Like I'm too tired to believe any logic I can conjure myself. I just needed a second. And some reassurance.
  13. S

    This week is... I just need to think that it will be ok

    It just feels like I've tried so many times and so much happened last year that I can't take any changes. But without changes everything is terrible right now. I just feel supersensitive and kind of numb at the same time. I have a task to call for first therapy session at a place I found for...
  14. S

    Work and Agoraphobia/or anxiety?

    Ok, please bear with me, this is a bit confusing. I feel it will sound rediculuous. But on the other hand I feel stuck, and therefore if anything helps feeling stupid for asking would be worth it. I have always been introvert, and also- I've had anxiety at least since teen. I've been 'more...
  15. S

    I miss…

    Everything. Life, from 2022. There are other years, but that was the last year things were really actively moving up again constantly. It's been so long.
  16. S

    Today is BAD

    No, I think it's worse because I have avoided coping - because the solution will inevitably involve talking to a lot of people and every single of those talks terrify me. I mean I was having a panic attack when I responded so I was a bit more affected but it does stand. I'm just scared of...
  17. S

    Today is BAD

    @Friday This makes perfect sense. Except I think I'm in survival mode. Like I have to talk to my parents soon however they take that because I'm suffocating. It doesn't matter who needs what from me, right now I could be leftwith no place to live and would still feel this frozen. I've been...
  18. S

    I Realize That I

    I am way too abnormally scared of people's words and opinions, especially my parents. Like social anxiety or something. It's worse with people that have actual meaning in my life but it's bad all the time. And it's making me make some really stupid decisions that aren't cutting it right now. I...
  19. S

    Today is BAD

    I Don't know... I don't know what... I can't...usually I'm better than this... this is so much anxiety it feels like my world is breaking. Like I can't be present if my life depends on it and it might but my body is tingly and nauseous and I can't breathe. I may it die if I postpone all until...
  20. S

    How do I cope?

    I am terribly anxious, like can't cope with truth anxious and also awake at night when I desperately need help anxious. I have to maaaybe choose to stay where I am 3 more months and that is brutal. Literally I can't deal living the way I'm living right now. I can't keep tolerating all I have...
  21. S

    Worries & Concerns

    Me right now.
  22. S

    Too overfilled with anxiety, how do I cope?

    I've felt like this before, I'm sure, but I'm trying to do better. Like I am dreading something this week and suddenly I'm obsessing for real. My world becomes tiny, my concentration goes out and doing 3 tiny work task takes me all day because thinking about my life currently gives me a stomach...
  23. S

    How do you find hope?

    Things have been hard for a long time. I keep trying but it's exhausting when you put a lot of effort to just keep above water but yet know that if you don't, you drown. Things have been hard for a while. I'm trying to keep going. I no longer feel completely done and helpless like I did last...
  24. S

    Worries & Concerns

    @Survivor3 Because I haven't earned enough income in months and I keep regularly falling behind on like 5 different bills and debts at the same time. I had this period last year of really bad anxiety relapse that lead to no incoms for months and I got in so much debt from regular bills and rent...
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