Today is BAD

[SeekingAfrica]

I Don't know... I don't know what... I can't...usually I'm better than this... this is so much anxiety it feels like my world is breaking. Like I can't be present if my life depends on it and it might but my body is tingly and nauseous and I can't breathe. I may it die if I postpone all until the morning but just postponing doesn't help, I need a plan f9r getting better and I can't think and I should have coping skills but I can't think...

 

[Defaultxlove]

Hi … I’m sorry you’re feeling so terrible

I’d like to suggest you only think in terms of right now

What might help right now

Have you stretched recently?

What is causing this extreme anxiety right now?

Ignore if not helpful.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Sending comfort and friendship…hang in there!

 

[arfie]

I need a plan f9r getting better

faith has gotten me much further on my healing journey than my superior logistical/planning talents. i am not kidding about my superior logistical talents. neither are the muckety mucks who paid me well to use them for a while. alas, that accredited talent is about as useful as a luxury liner in a kiddie pool when it come to healing. the leap of faith to how to trust the healing mysteries without demanding agendas has helped a whole lot more. jigged if my logistical talents can figure their logistics. sometimes ya just gotta let the mystery be.

I should have coping skills but I can't think...

you have written about quite a few great coping skills right here in this very forum. they only work if you work 'em. hop to it, my healing warrior. the days i can't think are the days i let the healing mysteries guide. it's okay to get creative.

 

[Friday]

Some days? We just breathe through. Get through by the skin of our teeth. In full on survival mode, one breath to the next.

Get through today, to get to tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Or as soon as you are able? Put on your dance shoes, pointe/practice/tape/whatever… and do your warmups. The familiarity. The routine. 5 positions. Posture. Start there. Rise into the rest.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

@Friday This makes perfect sense. Except I think I'm in survival mode. Like I have to talk to my parents soon however they take that because I'm suffocating. It doesn't matter who needs what from me, right now I could be leftwith no place to live and would still feel this frozen. I've been unable to do any work for days. I have to change my whole life plan for the coming months however anyone takes it, and I have to maybe get myself to therapy Stat. Waiting for the next day is fine if I haven't felt like I'm drowning for weeks. And worst, didn't feel like weeks, felt like I'm reliving the same day over and over and I'm only more scared to move forward.

This can't end like this.

I can't give up like this, not now, but I feel like a grenade about to blow up and I'm not sure what may get destroyed in the process, just that something might.

This maybe the situation or it might just be me not being OK, but I have to do something. Everything will just have to adapt.

I'm sorry, this is great advice, but I'm just getting worse and I have to handle it.

 

[Defaultxlove]

Is it worse because you’re aware of the severity?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Is it worse because you’re aware of the severity?

No, I think it's worse because I have avoided coping - because the solution will inevitably involve talking to a lot of people and every single of those talks terrify me.

I mean I was having a panic attack when I responded so I was a bit more affected but it does stand. I'm just scared of everything right now and I'm making it worse avoiding and I can no longer do that. Because there are a lot of details to take care of in practical sense. So I'm anxious, depressed, scared, overwhelmed and burnt out at the same time. And I'm nit sure where to begin.

Though, @Friday may have been right about stretches and ballet, I'm too not okay to even do most of what I should do.

So I took an hour to just calm myself. Now I'm going through the 'everything is awful and I'm not okay checklist' ...still pretty good. Do you know it? Haven't thought of it forever, but I did now and it's great. I'm still terrified of the talking(starting with the one where i have to admit I'm not okay and I'll have to stay and work a quick general job like admin ir supermarket for few months to get stable), but there is a level of I'm scared but I can do this and there is i can't move from fear...trying to get unstuck currently from the second one.

 

[Ecdysis]

When I've been in situations of massive crisis... Sometimes things getting worse, ironically makes things easier.

It's hard to explain, but I'll try it with an analogy: For example, say I'm worrying about unpaid bills and everything feels like a disaster... If suddenly, I start having a heart attack or my house burns down... Some kind of much more serious crisis, then the lesser problems, like unpaid bills, become "irrelevant"... And then I'm grateful if I survive the heart attack or the fire...

I don't mean this in a superficial way... This has literally been my experience in times of crisis... That when things are BAD, we hang onto so many old fears and worries and "shoulds" and other things... And then, when things get REALLY BAD, a lot of those things just fall by the wayside and it becomes clearer what truly matters and what doesn't.

I realise that doesn't feel very comforting... But sometimes things do actually get worse, before they get better...

Naturally, I wish for you, for me, for everyone, that things get better, not worse.

But our brains are wired strangely by evolution... Sometimes a major threat is easier to deal with than dozens of medium sized threats...