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You know I think having trouble communicating how you feel and why you feel it is a major problem for those with ptsd, I have been trying to find these words for years and they just came to me. Hopefully us survivors can work together to solve the problem.

It is so strange because in my MMA class ironically we have been learning so many things that fit my abuse to a T. Today we learned a laying down choke and we used our hands for it, which was strange because we never use our hands to choke in class, I got really nervous but luckily I was...

@macbeth You know it is really nice to hear others with ptsd have trained in defensive sports and have felt similar ways. It is a tough battle but hearing from other survivors helps so much. @Wyakin I do the same thing but usually when dealing with flashbacks and before I go to bed.Sometimes I...

This past week for some reason a remembered something that I had blocked out for so long. I didn't realized I was triggered at first, I was confused why I was remembering my ex abuse, when I have other abusers to worry about. During my MMA class we learned a choke hold, This one was so...

I lost my job recently and have been desperately looking for another. I got a job interview and was practically hired over the phone. The training just so happened to be in the area my past attacker has been hanging out. I understand its as easy as turning down the job and I wont have to face...

For the past couples of months I have been facing many triggers. A past abuser moved back to my area and I was not feeling comfortable with were he was choosing to hang out. I felt threatened. Anyway the past months have been so hard. But something has changed. I am still facing many triggers...

I made me smile too and pretty much describes me.

Its like being trapped inside your own head, you relive, left afraid and confused. It all does not make sense, I just want it to stop. The memories, the panic attacks. It just makes no sense. I just want to be held and told I am safe until I believe it is true.

I am sorry I am sorry I am so very very sorry, I am sorry, I'm sorry I am soo sorry, sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry, I just want it to stop, I just wANT IT TO STOP please make it stop, I am so sorry so very...

I think that is a really good idea, I will try writing a letter. And I get what your say about kids being innocent and learning.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It is always nice to know I am not alone.

Everywhere I go I run into triggers. I watch an innocent movie and the girl in it goes through a very very similar attack then I have experience, the actor portrayed the fear well. Idk what to do, I am tired of running into stupid shit that sets me off. I am confused. I also have been avoiding...

When I was around three my mom use to take us to a distant aunts house to be babysat. It was my 5 year old brother and my 4 year old sister that were with me. Anyway this caretaker had three kids too. Two older girls and a son my age. She spanked us all, all the time, yelled and was just plain...

So I have been training in MMA for almost a year. I will be getting certified as an instructor in another year and become advance in kickboxing and earn my blue belt in other styles. I had planned on going to the peacecorps and training others if it could be used. My ultimate life goal is to...

@shimmerz it does seem to fit, but there is a huge part of me in denial, I feel like it was all in my head. I have so much trouble avoiding blaming myself, I fought back and at times kept the fights going because I refused to stay down. I think I blame myself because the man I fell in love with...

I been thinking a lot lately, and my mind has been wondering into the memories of my past relationship. They are not always bad ones. A quick explanation of our relationship, I was 17 fell in love, notice strange behavior, After moving in about a year in he became abusive after struggling to...

It makes no sense, because she looks like a model, were I look like a cute chubby teddy bear.

I am tired, but I am strong, I make so much progress and even though I want to deny the progress I have made, it is still there. I did not understand before, you know, what to do. I understood I was depressed, but I repressed the true causes. I practically begged for help, and after years of...

I have too. But we are still here, and there is still a way to survive and break free one day. It doesn't have stay this way.

I have considered that this is the time she wants to focus on being a mommy, and never planned on bringing it up to her, I don't want her to really know, but I am sure other family have told her something, and also think that is why she avoids me. I would never bring it up to her because I know...

Wow Shimmerz, that is some great advice. It is very interesting way of grounding yourself. I am excited to try it myself and see where it can take me. Pamoco you seem so wise, thank for your input. Hearing everyone's experience helps give me hope. Its strange discovering people can be good...

I have a huge dilemma. My cousin had her first baby girl, and we grew up close so I have been so excited. She suffered the same abuse I did as a child but from a different person and for a longer time period, I think 5 to 10 years. Sometimes I feel she thinks I should toughen up or I am being a...

I don't think you should feel any fault. But at the same time understand that men can be predators. Let me share a short story which is my best way to express what I mean to say. 17 I was rape (no need for details) After that I left the party scene, I guess as part of the trauma. Any way I was...

Yea I kinda drifted off a bit, I am trying to more detailed because in the past I have been asked for more detail. But I ended up drifting off.

Wow! I have studied mental abuse, but it never really clicked. I have been comparing my irritable moods to my ex, and feeling horrible that I may be abusing my current bf. My therapist has told me not to compare myself to my ex and I never understood why she would say that. Because not often but...