This month I had a huge trigger load. I had an abuser show up at my old job which caused me to relive the fear of the threats and abuse. I was scared that this was his way of reminding he is still out there. Or maybe he was worried I said something and was scoping the place out. It was a department store, and he was going there every morning just to use the bathroom and talk to the workers, some whom I worked with. I know that there is a possibility that he just wanted to use the restroom, I heard he might be homeless. So maybe thats why.
Either way I shut down, I could not concentrate, everything has been such a struggle lately. And peoples reaction has not made it any better. Anyway, this happened right before finals, and I was at a loss. But I fought, I worked hard to fit in study when I could manage to concentrate. I did not get the grades I wanted, but with all thats going on I know I still survived, and my grades improve every semester.
I can't wait to move to a safe place. Imagine how for I can go in a place where no one knows about it, and I don't have to deal with the comments or put downs, or the people who treat me like something is wrong with me, or the people that push to help me in someway when I am not ready to face things. I just want to go at my own pace. I made the police complaint. I told people who needed to know. All that got me is even more humiliated and to be reminded that I am the problem and I am a lost cause.
Either way I shut down, I could not concentrate, everything has been such a struggle lately. And peoples reaction has not made it any better. Anyway, this happened right before finals, and I was at a loss. But I fought, I worked hard to fit in study when I could manage to concentrate. I did not get the grades I wanted, but with all thats going on I know I still survived, and my grades improve every semester.
I can't wait to move to a safe place. Imagine how for I can go in a place where no one knows about it, and I don't have to deal with the comments or put downs, or the people who treat me like something is wrong with me, or the people that push to help me in someway when I am not ready to face things. I just want to go at my own pace. I made the police complaint. I told people who needed to know. All that got me is even more humiliated and to be reminded that I am the problem and I am a lost cause.
