Assault Starting To Doubt An Assault?

[digger]

I think you need to be very careful of labelling something, and someone, when you can't remember at all what happened.

I'm not saying that nothing did happen, but filling in the gaps with so much supposition seems dangerous to me, both for you and the other person involved.

 

[Wolvescry]

I don't think you should feel any fault. But at the same time understand that men can be predators.

Let me share a short story which is my best way to express what I mean to say.
17 I was rape (no need for details) After that I left the party scene, I guess as part of the trauma. Any way I was assualted several times after. I felt guilt for years. But the fact of the matter, I know I am more vulnerable then most, A giddy, 5.2, gullible young lady makes good prey. Let say I was a squirrel and one day I decided I wanted to be a lion. To do this I wanted to understand what I can do to become so, so I educate myself, because I can't force education on others, so I train in martial arts, because I cannot guarantee someone wont approach me with violence. I can't control other people but I make myself something other then prey.

I wish it could be different but its not. I hope this does not make you feel at fault in anyway I do not intend that. I suggest you talk to other professionals to decide whether you have the option to press charges or something else.

Another story to tell:
I known this guy for 3 years, I knew him from going on occasional small parties. I always go with my bf or a friend to keep an eye on me as a learned habit. He has made it clear that he was into me from the start but I let him know I was not interested and am in a relationship.

One day he invited me over to pick up some tools I needed and told his wife was there and we could all have a beer. I said sure, but I would have to hang out for a bit so I do not drive intoxicated (I do not recommend this, I know my body weight allows one drink before reaching the limit so I always wait just in case.) He said sure. When I get there he says the kids are asleep with his wife. So we drank by the car (first yellow flag), then he invites me in for a bit (red flag) but I figured I would be fine since I can defend myself now. One beer turned to two. And he started confessing he loved me. Which I thought was ridiculous so I asked "Are you sure you love me, or are your alternative motives getting the best of you?" He then gets angry, and tries to argue his case. Then he grabs me from behind and hold me tight. I used a technique I learned to push his arms out enough to slide under his arms, use my hips to push him back and turn quickly into fighting stance and I punch him in the rib (but not to hard because I was not sure what he was intending to do). I am sure I looked terrified but prepared. He looked like he felt bad, and tried to play it of as a joke, which may be. Either way I felt empowered. There were many things I should have seen as a threat, but now I feel less threatened and more free to hang out with male friends because I know I can defend myself.

Hope this helps and does not make you feel worst,[DOUBLEPOST=1400629910,1400629668][/DOUBLEPOST]Be patient and understanding with yourself. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Friday]

There is no forensic way to "prove" rape over the age of consent... But there are trending injuries which make doctors suspect rape. These range from the very basic other than 6 o'clock bruising, to other hematomas, lacerations, petechia, lesions, multiple injury points, etc. These call all be gained via consensual sex, but just like one can really walk into a door, or catch an elbow playing basketball...some things are more suspect than others.

Link Removed. Has a pretty decent collection of relevant studies / overviews of them.

 

[RussH]

The thing that screams out to me is this; are you sure you got that drunk, and he did not slip a drug in your drink?
If you were that drunk and not drugged; he still took advantage of you, and if you were unconscience, then you could not tell him yes, therefore you could not have consented to sex.

 

[Seagreen]

In my opinion it is assult to have intercourse or other physical activity of that nature with someone who is heavily intoxicated even if they do consent. But even if you doubt this, its how you feel about it that matters. Regardless of what name you give it your feelings are real and important.Take good care of yourself.

 

[Seagreen]

It was a one night thing. I don't drink. I don't know why I drank so much that night

The fact that you drank so much that night is not the pressing issue at all. The pressing issue is that someone took advantage of you when you were unable to properly give consent if at all. Beyond that they have caused injury to you in the process which is another violation of your human rights. Getting drunk and hurting no one is not compairable to rape.

 

[RussH]

so I feel like if i go to the police they're going to think I'm the girl who cried wolf.

To use an analogy: There are store owners that have had their stores robbed multiple times, and they report it to the police. The police do not look at them as store owners that cry wolf, but as store owners that have been robbed multiple times.

If you go to the police and report this, they should take it seriously, and not as you crying wolf. If you do decide to go to the police, would it help to ask for a female officer to take the report?