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I fear people because I seem to get accused of things I did not do. Today I got an abusive note on my car outside the units for not parking correctly and putting other drivers off. The reason I did it was because when I parked the person in front forced me to park further back. I got accused...

I have been challenging my contemptible self loathing dialogue with repetition of reality checks. I have a sore jaw all the time because I absorbed my fathers screwed up face and screamed abuse. My therapist helped me learn that there is an adult in here as well as a broken child...

I finally set up my channel. It is a 5 minute stand up in my loungeroom. It is my first attempt and was nervous and the lighting is not great but my goal was to get something on a channel. I try to set achievable goals. I will do a better job and upgrade when I get some energy. I have had...

I binge watched the second series yesterday. It is an amazing rollercoaster of emotion but may be too triggering for those suffering grief. It has some foul language so may not appeal to all. Ricky Gervais is a genius. I cried and laughed in equal measure. I have so much grief in me I...

I was 33 when my truth caught up with me. I resigned from the NSW Police force in Australia and fell apart. I had PTSD, but not from my work but from my childhood. I laughingly say I joined with PTSD to save time. I had gone to a lot of domestics in my last 6 months and seeing kids cowering...

I have recently gone from calling people God botherer's who worship a Sky Fairy to a believer. I am the sort of person who has lived in his head and used my logic and my mouth as a defence against feelings and spirituality. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous in 1984 and struggled with the Higher...

I suffer from chronic fatigue due to may PTSD and depression. If I get any infection I crash completely. I have recently been diagnosed with a minor infection in a molar where I had a root canal years ago. I have inflammation in the gums around the tooth. I don't know if it is enough to...

I get upset over a few movies. The scene in Mommy Dearest where she goes hysterical over wire coat hangers. It is my mother to a tee over a streak of suds on the sink. This boy's life with De Niro. His belittling of his step son Leonardo De Caprio sets me off. Lately it was a mini series...

I have been watching the series Patrick Melrose about a man who was raped by his father. I think about the cruelty of my father and try to fathom how a man could be so vicious to his son. I need to do this so I can put the abusive voice in my head back to that dead bastard. I think under the...

I love to play Texas Hold em Poker. I do not win often and can go a whole night without getting a playable hand. I enjoy it anyway. I also never win at any games at the casino. I have a theory that depression affects luck. Sounds a bit mystical and it is only from my experience. Have any...

Because I sometimes vague out I have got in trouble in Bridge and someone was going to call the director because they thought I was sending a message to my partner. I vagued out while at a self serve in the supermarket late at night and found security followed me for 2 nights and stood behind...

I am 62 now and have had stress and anxiety to the max all my life. I was doing sit ups once and the instructor said I had the stiffest back he had ever seen. Massive fear from childhood violence. I have suspected because of the cumulative affect of it all I would get sick as I got older. In...

Watched a Youtube of Frank Sinatra and Don Rickles where Frank tells a story where Don is at a restaurant with a young lady. He asks Frank to come over and say hello to impress her. Frank goes over and says hi and Rickles says angrily "Hey Frank I'm eating here." The other time I roared was 2...

My Psychologist is an expert in PTSD. In the last year she has really focussed on mindfulness. It has taken a lot of adjustment because it is very subtle. The secret seems to be for me, to express the rage and self hatred at myself in my bathroom mirror while I grip the sink. I shake and...

I was so abused verbally and sometimes physically by my father. He called me stupid and tried to shut me up all the time. The only way I got attention was to be a pest and annoy him. Bad attention is better than no attention. All my life I have pushed into conversations and made a goose of...

I tried to kill myself 2 weeks ago. The 3 bits of garden hose melted in the exhaust pipe of my car. I survived an attempt with pills 10 years ago. I get the feeling God likes me suffering. I had a falling out with a friend of 30 years who had the absolute trauma of being brought up by 2...

Hi All, I have been in and out of therapy for 30 years. I have had hypnotherapy CBT, inner child, mindfulness and all the rest. My jaw is always tight and I have rage inside all the time. As soon as I get in touch with the voice it is a 12 year old boy screaming "I hate your...

I am 60 years old and have had depression and anxiety so badly I can't work. I have tried most antidepressants. I have tried only one antipsychotic (Seraquil) because it was a friends miracle pill and it was like I was living in a treacle bubble. 2 weeks ago I started taking 10 mils of...