Hello! I'm not so good at introductions and I'm really nervous about new places but I have a whole lot to talk about
♡ My name is Lamb and I am 17 years old living in Canada!
♡I am a victim of sexual assault, domestic abuse and attempted murder, this only happened about a year ago now.
♡ I suffer with c-ptsd as well as OCD, Bulimia and Paranoia
❀ When I was 15 I started dating someone and we were together about 5 months before he out of the blue started having an affair with one of his friends. I found out about it and had such a horrific meltdown I was almost hospitalized. I saw the affair with my own eyes and the other girl confirmed it for me, but he himself has never admitted to cheating and gaslighted me throughout the relationship about this among other things.
❀ I gave him three warnings to stop the affair and on the third time I caught him he attacked me with a razor blade and tried to slit my throat, I luckily managed to kick him off of me and get the weapon away from him. I stayed with him for 6 more months after this and I feel like a complete idiot about it now, but I felt that I would die if I left.
❀ On the fourth and final warning the other girl sent me screenshots of him calling me a broken toy and bragging about how easy it was to trick me and use me. He got upset at her for this and cut off the affair finally as well as told everyone in our high school she was insane and convinced everyone to hate her. Due to this she downed 80 pills in front of me in the library of our school and was rushed to the hospital, I have so much guilt and regret about not helping her.
❀ In February of 2016 the same boyfriend sexually assaulted me in the back of a moving car and I had to go to the doctor for injuries from this.
❀ He broke off our relationship in April 2016 because he said I was abusive and manipulative, he slept with two of my friends right after this and tried with another and eventually started up a new relationship with one of them. He got some of his friends to publicly harass me on Facebook so I was forced to make the abuse public, my best friend called me a compulsive liar and left me as did a lot of other long time friends. I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm faking and feeling like it was all my fault and that I'm a bad person.
✧ I am a CSA and child abuse survivor as well, the first memory I have of this is between the ages of 4 and 5! My dad was a narcissistic and an alcoholic and drug addict so I can remember being dragged my hair across the pavement and I have a permanent bald spot because of this and a lot of problems with being fixated on my hair and hair in general. I was locked in closets and cars in extreme heat and dragged out of my bed and through the woods at late hours of the night (for some reason?? he did this a lot.)
✧ I have reason to believe I was molested by my dad but the details of this are fuzzy and complicated but I acted out a lot in ways that would suggest I was. The molestation I do remember was at the hands of other children, though they were older than me and it still impacts how I act in current relationships.
✧ My father had many affairs and cheated on my mom in front of me a lot so I have major issues with cheating and affairs, but I'm really trying to be empathetic to everyone's story. My dad is no longer in the picture though, and I've cut off all ties to his family and friends.
♡ I have extreme paranoia and at one point had psychosis from the level of gaslighting inflicted on me. I have a lot of age regression tendencies due to the early childhood trauma but I've learned to cope with that. My biggest problem right now is I am unable to form bonds and am extremely touch sensitive.
I am so sorry this has been so long! And this is even all of my very convoluted story. But hey! If anyone has any questions or comments feel free to ask, I am trying to be as open as possible about this because I'm really tired of feeling scared. Thank you so so much if you read all of this!
♡ My name is Lamb and I am 17 years old living in Canada!
♡I am a victim of sexual assault, domestic abuse and attempted murder, this only happened about a year ago now.
♡ I suffer with c-ptsd as well as OCD, Bulimia and Paranoia
❀ When I was 15 I started dating someone and we were together about 5 months before he out of the blue started having an affair with one of his friends. I found out about it and had such a horrific meltdown I was almost hospitalized. I saw the affair with my own eyes and the other girl confirmed it for me, but he himself has never admitted to cheating and gaslighted me throughout the relationship about this among other things.
❀ I gave him three warnings to stop the affair and on the third time I caught him he attacked me with a razor blade and tried to slit my throat, I luckily managed to kick him off of me and get the weapon away from him. I stayed with him for 6 more months after this and I feel like a complete idiot about it now, but I felt that I would die if I left.
❀ On the fourth and final warning the other girl sent me screenshots of him calling me a broken toy and bragging about how easy it was to trick me and use me. He got upset at her for this and cut off the affair finally as well as told everyone in our high school she was insane and convinced everyone to hate her. Due to this she downed 80 pills in front of me in the library of our school and was rushed to the hospital, I have so much guilt and regret about not helping her.
❀ In February of 2016 the same boyfriend sexually assaulted me in the back of a moving car and I had to go to the doctor for injuries from this.
❀ He broke off our relationship in April 2016 because he said I was abusive and manipulative, he slept with two of my friends right after this and tried with another and eventually started up a new relationship with one of them. He got some of his friends to publicly harass me on Facebook so I was forced to make the abuse public, my best friend called me a compulsive liar and left me as did a lot of other long time friends. I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm faking and feeling like it was all my fault and that I'm a bad person.
✧ I am a CSA and child abuse survivor as well, the first memory I have of this is between the ages of 4 and 5! My dad was a narcissistic and an alcoholic and drug addict so I can remember being dragged my hair across the pavement and I have a permanent bald spot because of this and a lot of problems with being fixated on my hair and hair in general. I was locked in closets and cars in extreme heat and dragged out of my bed and through the woods at late hours of the night (for some reason?? he did this a lot.)
✧ I have reason to believe I was molested by my dad but the details of this are fuzzy and complicated but I acted out a lot in ways that would suggest I was. The molestation I do remember was at the hands of other children, though they were older than me and it still impacts how I act in current relationships.
✧ My father had many affairs and cheated on my mom in front of me a lot so I have major issues with cheating and affairs, but I'm really trying to be empathetic to everyone's story. My dad is no longer in the picture though, and I've cut off all ties to his family and friends.
♡ I have extreme paranoia and at one point had psychosis from the level of gaslighting inflicted on me. I have a lot of age regression tendencies due to the early childhood trauma but I've learned to cope with that. My biggest problem right now is I am unable to form bonds and am extremely touch sensitive.
I am so sorry this has been so long! And this is even all of my very convoluted story. But hey! If anyone has any questions or comments feel free to ask, I am trying to be as open as possible about this because I'm really tired of feeling scared. Thank you so so much if you read all of this!
