Dom Violence 10 Years Off Hell

[Skyalex]

I was with the narcissist for just about 10 years. Of course in the beginning it was wonderful and he made me feel like this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Slowly he changed so slowly that I didn't realize what was happening and I accepted things I never thought I would accept. He was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. When he started using meth it got seriously worse. He would start fights with me intentionally. Accuse me of sleeping with any and every guy. When I started getting tired of the fighting and the abuse. I started pulling away from him. Then he started stalking me. I don't know how long he was stalking me but it was an extended period of time. The night I finally said enough is enough and refused to come to his house. He came to mine at 5am and burnt my car. Then slashed tires, cut my cable wires. Terrorized me until he was finally arrested for burning the car. He only got 6 months in jail and 2 years probation. In December of last year he started contacting me again. There is still a no contact order so hopefully he will get a violation. On Monday I have to see him in court because I filed a protection from stalking order and I'm trying to get it permanent. I moved so he wouldnt know where I live but he found that out to. I just want to know if he will ever leave me alone? Am I going to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life?

 

[Twilight]

Still dealing with stalking behavior. So, I cant speak on it resolving at this time......

 

[Skyalex]

He keeps wanting me to meet him. Or threatening to come to my work. I just want to be left alone.

 

[Twilight]

He keeps wanting me to meet him. Or threatening to come to my work. I just want to be left alone.[/QUOT...

From all I have learned so far, No contact is the best policy. Which means you tell him you want no contact from him at all, and then you yourself make no contact. I did not do this at first, but according to what I have read, this is the correct thing to do.....

 

[Skyalex]

From all I have learned so far, No contact is the best policy. Which means you tell him you want no...

I have had 2 restraining orders, and there is a no contact order because he was convicted of burning my car. None of those stopped him. He is still contacting me 3 years later. Even when I told him I hate him. I even moved so he wouldn't know where I live. He found that out to. I'm in the process of getting a protection from stalking order.

 

[shimmerz]

Even when I told him I hate him.

Best not to tell him anything. Complete no contact. Then it won't be fun for him anymore.

When he finds someone else to fall into the trap he will most likely leave you alone. These types normally pursue what they want until they don't want it anymore. Highly focused but easily distracted.

 

[Freedomfighter]

From all I have learned so far, No contact is the best policy. Which means you tell him you want no...

Yes, and additionally they try to use anyone that has the ability to get close to you to continue to stalk you. Just because you do not see the stalker does not mean that he is not stalking you.

I have been stalked for over 7 years by loonies like that, they include their friends, they include corrupt police officers, they include the physicians that they know.

Not only no contact with the stalker but with anyone that knows him, you, or both of you.

Try to look at it this way: there are a ton of people out there with that kind of problem, what you do to protect yourself goes a long way in protecting yourself from other crazy people as well.

And such people are craaaaazy, believe me: the lies that I listen to from complete strangers that know the people that stalk me are waaaayyy out there. These people are waaayyyy out there, and as soon as you realize that as fast as you find out that a person is using the same kind of tactics then you right away know you are just dealing with another crazy that knows the person that stalks you.

That will be your lifeline, to stay away from the crazies that know him.....

I have been in contact with many people who have shown clear troubling signs of being influenced by the people that stalk me... as soon as I find out that the stalkers got to another person then I will simply cut out that person from my life too.

You have to be vigilant, but think: by you being vigilant and as soon as you learn about a new person that is acting just as loonie as your stalker you then have the power to remove yourself from any new loonie as soon as you find out.

That is what I do: as soon as a person I do not know acts loonie like that I know they have been influenced by a person that is stalking me, that even includes customers who attempt to dirty every day business matters with their own dysfunctional private matters.

All kinds out there, all kinds....

 

[Eli]

Yes, and additionally they try to use anyone that has the ability to get close to you to continu...

Hi, all you say resonates 100% with me, currently I take a break from engaging with new people because I am so tired of the same tactics over and over again, not all people are crazy though, they get trapped with a heartbreaking story and do not have the ethics to resist, so they assist, cutting them out is the only solution.

 

[bento]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I've dealt with stalking and may be again in near future
with obsessive in law. It's all about the power and control thing. Controlling you makes them
feel in control. And the more disturbed they are, the more obsessed they can get. And it's
hard to tell how far they'll take it as they are often so secretive about their own inner states.
My former husband broke down when I refused to get back together, and when he told me
his inner demons and what drove him (it was his way to garner sympathy) I was blown
away at how pathological his thought processes were. Just totally blown away. And he
played better than perfect to everyone else.

I spent a fair amount of time looking into how to evade stalking (when we separated the s**t
hit the fan with his family and a former affair partner he had) and all I could find was
besides keeping clear documentation (this is very important of course) is to see if your
state has address confidentiality and apply for it. Get a private mailbox if you can and have
everything sent there. You might have to look for another job and/or move again. Which
is grossly unfair. The police seem to be either unconcerned or put excessive faith in the
power of restraining/no contact orders. You can also consider changing your name, and if
the threat is severe enough (with documentation, which sounds like you might have) you
can sometimes get a new Social Security card.

The main thing is making sure you don't have anything that is traceable to you when you move
Buying a house, registering to vote, having a landline, credit card billing, magazine subscriptions,
it's weird what can make your address pop up on internet search engines. I actually chose to
move and not tell anyone but my closest friends. Everyone else I lied to about my whereabouts
because I couldn't handle anymore of the drive bys and neighbors asking me weird questions
about my ex. Stalking sucks beyond belief. My situation was not nearly as scary as yours
(they just implied possibility of bodily harm) but it still scared the s**t out of me. Good luck!!

 

[Multitudes]

I was married to a narcissist who threw me out for her current affair. She got the house, savings, kids - all due to her manipulative and persuasive nature.
She stalked me for five further years, controlling my life, with my kids as leverage.. until, finally, she died.

There was never a way out of her influence, as long as I interacted with anyone, including my own family.

If not for my kids, I should have moved far away - another country, perhaps, to escape her spying, influence and control.

Am I exaggerating? I rather think the answer is obvious.. unless, and except for those who have never experienced this.

I truly am sorry, but:

Run! Get as far away as you can and be prepared to keep going. Do not contact, or reply to any message. Keep to yourself. Let no-one in.