Jeff_71_yahoo
New Here
My name is Jeff. 2 years ago on June 30th 2014, I was travelling home after a late dinner. While I was driving, the same road I have driven my entire life, a farm ATV pulled out of their driveway and tried to cross the busy State Route. Needless to say, they did not see my vehicle. I seen them and tried to slam on my brakes but it was too soon and too quick of an exchange.
The next thing I heard was a loud BOOM. The next thing I remember was waking up in the floorboard on the passenger side of my vehicle. I was so oblivious as to what happened, kind of surreal, like everything was in super slow motion. I eventually opened my car door and crawled out of the ditch my Jeep had come to rest in. I was met by a gentleman running over to me asking if I was ok? I looked around and just seen cars backed up in both directions and I recall seeing a semi truck that was following behind me and now stopped idle due to the accident.
I told the man I was fine, I had blood running down my left arm from my window exploding and shooting shards of glass in my arm. I asked if the guy driving the ATV was ok? Where was he? The man standing with me said the man was in the ditch about 50 feet from the impact. He told me not to go over but I wanted to check on him and be there to help him.
As I walked over to the man in the ditch, I soon realized he was in a fatal situation. His breathing was fast and labored, he was making inaudible noises, and gurgling. I knew he was not going to make it. I came out of the ditch mortified at what I had done to this poor man. Other people were attending to him until paramedics could arrive. I walked back towards my vehicle when I heard someone say the other body was in the opposite ditch.
I could not believe what was happening. Life flight and the squad arrived almost simultaneously. They asked me if I was feeling any pain. I told them I was having excruciating pain in my upper back and my fingers had went numb. They loaded me up on a flat board and neck brace and transported me to the hospital where they had discovered I had a broken neck. They dug the shards of glass out of my arm and quickly sent me by ambulance to the nearest trauma ward.
After arriving there I had like 8 doctors from my head to my feet poking and prodding me everywhere. I was sent to a holding area to await my trauma room. While in there, the TV was on. My accident was their lead story. That was how I was informed that both occupants of the ATV were killed. They died shortly after arriving by life flight to the hospital.
I was distraught and asked to see a pastor. They arrived and we prayed for the two people who had passed away. I eventually had surgery to repair my broken neck 2 weeks later. I eventually learned the people's names and found out it was a classmate from my high school days, they were his parents. I reached out and told him how very sorry I was that all this happened. I told him I wish that I could have stopped in time or just drove my jeep into the ditch. He was surprisingly sympathetic and was concerned about myself. We never spoke again to this day.
I remember their funeral. The people I killed that day were very well known and respected pillars of our small community. I felt like scum. I wished I would have been taken as well. I avoided direct eye contact with anyone in my community and became a recluse and stayed in all the time.
I was hurried up back to my job after 3 months after surgery. I drive by the accident scene every day I go to work. I always stare into the ditch where my jeep came to rest. Some days I am fine with it and others I am not. I hate riding as a passenger in a vehicle. I am always scared I won't have the control. I am constantly watching other drivers and I always go about 5 mile per hour under the speed limit just in case I need to stop suddenly and avoid an accident.
I have never went and got diagnosed with PTSD, although I have been told by numerous people I should seek help. I just don't think anyone or anything will ever get me to stop blaming myself for their death. I deserve what is happening to me. They were better than me and I took away people who contributed more to society than I ever would. I guess I just don't know what I am even doing here either. It has been 2 years ago and I should just suck it up and move on.
The next thing I heard was a loud BOOM. The next thing I remember was waking up in the floorboard on the passenger side of my vehicle. I was so oblivious as to what happened, kind of surreal, like everything was in super slow motion. I eventually opened my car door and crawled out of the ditch my Jeep had come to rest in. I was met by a gentleman running over to me asking if I was ok? I looked around and just seen cars backed up in both directions and I recall seeing a semi truck that was following behind me and now stopped idle due to the accident.
I told the man I was fine, I had blood running down my left arm from my window exploding and shooting shards of glass in my arm. I asked if the guy driving the ATV was ok? Where was he? The man standing with me said the man was in the ditch about 50 feet from the impact. He told me not to go over but I wanted to check on him and be there to help him.
As I walked over to the man in the ditch, I soon realized he was in a fatal situation. His breathing was fast and labored, he was making inaudible noises, and gurgling. I knew he was not going to make it. I came out of the ditch mortified at what I had done to this poor man. Other people were attending to him until paramedics could arrive. I walked back towards my vehicle when I heard someone say the other body was in the opposite ditch.
I could not believe what was happening. Life flight and the squad arrived almost simultaneously. They asked me if I was feeling any pain. I told them I was having excruciating pain in my upper back and my fingers had went numb. They loaded me up on a flat board and neck brace and transported me to the hospital where they had discovered I had a broken neck. They dug the shards of glass out of my arm and quickly sent me by ambulance to the nearest trauma ward.
After arriving there I had like 8 doctors from my head to my feet poking and prodding me everywhere. I was sent to a holding area to await my trauma room. While in there, the TV was on. My accident was their lead story. That was how I was informed that both occupants of the ATV were killed. They died shortly after arriving by life flight to the hospital.
I was distraught and asked to see a pastor. They arrived and we prayed for the two people who had passed away. I eventually had surgery to repair my broken neck 2 weeks later. I eventually learned the people's names and found out it was a classmate from my high school days, they were his parents. I reached out and told him how very sorry I was that all this happened. I told him I wish that I could have stopped in time or just drove my jeep into the ditch. He was surprisingly sympathetic and was concerned about myself. We never spoke again to this day.
I remember their funeral. The people I killed that day were very well known and respected pillars of our small community. I felt like scum. I wished I would have been taken as well. I avoided direct eye contact with anyone in my community and became a recluse and stayed in all the time.
I was hurried up back to my job after 3 months after surgery. I drive by the accident scene every day I go to work. I always stare into the ditch where my jeep came to rest. Some days I am fine with it and others I am not. I hate riding as a passenger in a vehicle. I am always scared I won't have the control. I am constantly watching other drivers and I always go about 5 mile per hour under the speed limit just in case I need to stop suddenly and avoid an accident.
I have never went and got diagnosed with PTSD, although I have been told by numerous people I should seek help. I just don't think anyone or anything will ever get me to stop blaming myself for their death. I deserve what is happening to me. They were better than me and I took away people who contributed more to society than I ever would. I guess I just don't know what I am even doing here either. It has been 2 years ago and I should just suck it up and move on.
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