2013's Challenges... Share Your Story

[Reds]

This year has been the hardest ever, but I made it. So I thought we could start a chat where we all think back of this year's greatest challenges and how we made it through. I'd like to hear your stories

 

[I'll make tea]

Would you also hear the story of a supporter?

I had a hard time dealing with the fact my Vet never talks about his feelings, so I went to a forum and posted about this. It was not a board for Vets... but I met a Vet by chance and he told me so many of the things I said about my H reminded him of himself. He encouraged me to talk to other spouses and I did and I realized how similar my experience has been to theirs.

So my challenge was "H does not talk about his feelings / is stoney-faced / has trouble sleeping" and my solution was: learn more about the military, about military families, about their values and so on.

Knowledge is power!

Sorry if that is not any helpful.

 

[Angelwings]

I had four jobs this year...all lost due to PTSD...we are ridiculously poor and being supported by my abuser. I have filed for disability. My child has autism, and I'm a single parent. He is the light of my life. Without him, I would be lost. Challenges? YES...here comes next year. At least I haven't been hospitalized this year.

 

[Lost Pup]

-- Had two minor substance abuse relapses

--Made a major career change but was fired without explanation on the third day despite being told - "you did nothing wrong and might be perfect at this same time next year."

--Broke ties with my spiritual community after being anonymously bullied/harassed there in a major way.

--Constant financial worries.

--Lots of existential ennui and worries about what comes "next," after the PTSD time-out in my life has ended.

--Finalizing my distancing from most of my family, sometimes in the most painful way.

BUT....these were only the challenges. Mostly it was a good year and I am confident next year is going to be GREAT....

 

[franciemarnie]

My two greatest challenges were getting off the meds I was on for 25 years last December, and realizing and finally accepting the reality of who my brother was, surviving the despair that followed and significantly integrating the sad knowledge with some peace (though it's a work in progress the rare times we speak - I will still feel very sad afterwards.)

I was flooded with feelings without the drugs and shocked to feel them. I'd gone off the meds so slowly over two years I had no idea what was in store. The flood forced me to find new ways of dealing with intense emotion. It taught me that Id unknowingly numbed myself with the anti-depressants I took, and now I had to feel all that had been buried.

I began a daily practice of mindful meditation, which introduced me to my body and began connecting my head with below my neck. I read a load of books on healing PTSD. I finally went to a somatic therapist. I went to a shaman. (I'll try anything once. It was cool!) I went for craniosacral therapy. I went to two energy healers. They all helped.

I also cried probably 1000 tears that needed to be shed by all the little me's I shut out long ago.

It was a great year, but the triumphs hard won.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I've got nothing to share. It's the same bad stuff that I struggle with year after year. No improvement. :(

 

[Lost Pup]

@Solara, I'm extremely wary of offering you any platitudes because I know you're too smart for them. BUT I had about 3-4 years in which I felt just the same and it sucked. Sending you good vibes.

 

[DMerish]

I've got nothing to share. It's the same bad stuff that I struggle with year after year. No improvement

Nothing wrong with keeping it truthful. Much more awesome than telling one's self lies! Maybe something new will come into your life next year, or something will change, or I don't know . . . it will be a suprize. I'm not minimizing, Solara. just saying most of us here have at least a few years of "nothing new" - "nothing's changed".

 

[DMerish]

My challenges:

Trying to reconnect with my daughter who suffers from severe PTSD due to trauma in the Fall 2012. We had not seen each other for six or seven years, my choice, because she assulted me. The assult has caused me trauma on top of orignal trauma, but she is my daughter and I wished I could support her especially since I'm somewhat familiar with PTSD. Unfortunatly, our re-connection wasn't successful. Primarily due to nightmare/flashback dreams of the assult and having emotional flashbacks when in her presence that caused me to litterally take off running or speeding away in my car, then "waking up" later realizing what had happened. When these incidents happened I was criticised by her "What's wrong with you?" "What kind of mother doesn't want to be with her children?" "Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally their whole lives, and should support them whenever they need it." I've hid my PTSD (and the assult) from family and friends for so long and so well that the running away from family episodes were considered very bizzarre behavior on my part :eek: Go figure, eh? I finally fessed up to my children, but didn't go into details except to share the police report about the assault, and I made the decision that I cannot be around my daughter.

Deciding I cannot be around my daughter was an extreamly difficult decision to come to and act upon. I'm the mom. She is my only daugther. She went through a horrible event (due to poor choices). She needs emotional support and money. The fact is, however, that she has more resources (of all types) available to her than I do. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. If we are to reconnect in the future, I will need my dauther to be an adult about what happened, to apologize (although she's already been forgiven) and she will need to "come clean" with her brothers rather than sweeping what happen under the rug or lying about - saying it didn't happen. I've shared the police report.

Determining whether or not to take medication (again). I finally succummed, and within a week I was wishing I had done so n't had much, much earlier.

Finances - I paid off all of my debt except one $1,200 medical bill that's now down to $840 and my student loan. I wish that stubborn streek had loosened up much, much earlier on this one too :-o I'm now saving money like a mad (wo)man and love it!!! Wait, maybe, I should pay off the $840 with the savings . . . . Hmmmm, gotta think this through a bit.

Finiding a community that understands something about PTSD to help support me in my struggles and so that I can share and help support others. I guess you'all know how that turned out, eh? :) Words can barely cover the gratitude I fell for myptsd.

 

[jd9900]

Hi Reds. Your outlook is quite inspirational. I am not having the best day in the world, yet I feel commenting on this may help me, so thank you.

This time last year, I decided I had enough with my living situation. I separated from my wife, I removed my mother from my house, I sent my eldest off to college and buried my first dog.

During this time I came to realize a great deal about myself. I made a few mistakes, like I always do, but I learned from all of them and stand by most of the choices I made.

It's funny you mention this year being your hardest - in many ways it was for me as well. And while I am not going through or benefiting from some euphoric stage in my life, I know that, despite how "raw" my emotions feel, I am now on a path that *I* choose, not anyone else.

So my greatest successes? Standing up for myself, on multiple occasions where I previously would not have. Proving to myself I can be the master of my own domain - if it is within my control, then I can control it or it will control me. I like the former.

Also, meeting you and everyone here. All of you fell into my life in a time I sincerely needed some...peer review, if you will. Your assistance is immensely appreciated...Thank you all.

 

[Annie B]

This year I had a baby. It was all going pretty well until he was around 3 months old. The postpartum depression set in big time and motherhood itself became a big trigger for all of my other ptsd symptoms. It brought back a lot if issues that I thought were behind me.

I had to find a therapist (I struggle with therapy so if I go I usually flake out after a session or two), and it has helped deal with the anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I joined this forum for "socializing" if you can call it that, I've taken on a few new hobbies. I quit my job for the baby so I desperately needed to find a replacement for work as my coping mechanism.

In addition, every major function of our house broke this year (no exaggeration) and we are now broke. Sad that it happened only after the family income was cut in half. But we made it through somehow. Luckily most of our debt was gone before I got pregnant. We can eat, that's the important thing. :)

I'm not struggling with showing affection toward my baby anymore and the overwhelming fear of life/death has become a bit more manageable. I'm feeling good enough I think now to quit therapy. My husband disagrees, haha.

My son is my pride and joy. If I were asked to do it all over again, yes I would. For him I would, he was definitely worth it. :)

 

[roaminggnome]

This year has been a rough one. I had to put my 14 year old dog to sleep. She was like a child to me. But I got through it by knowing that I gave her a good life. Then two months later I watched my Mom die. She struggled for fifteen days in the Intensive Care Unit. I'm still trying to work through this and am grieving.