30% Of Abused Children Become Abusers - How Do You Avoid It?

[anthony]

People are starting to focus this thread on sexual abuse only, ie. applying the title of this thread to only their situation, and I would warn you that that is a logic you must get yourself out of, as it is actually a negative type thought pattern.

People who have been abused as children do often abuse, this is fact. The statistics in each demographic change, and the demographic includes, male, female, wealth, poverty, skin colour, life developments, trauma type, mood and the list goes on and on. In one demographic the percentages may be minor, in another, through the roof.

People should be careful in taking a statement and only applying it to themselves, as that is very dangerous and promotes limited thought perception, nasty with PTSD. Look at the bigger picture, then be specific with demographics vs. attempting to apply a statistic with sexual abused only to the entire spectrum of abuse.

Abuse comes in both physical and emotional forms, not just sexually abused, which is where some seem to be heading above, which is not what the original context of this thread was even about.

Hence... negative thinking styles should be focused and applied when responding here, as this forum is about identifying and helping you to change negative behaviours, not supporting them.

 

[catjudo]

Yes, I agree that the original post was not speaking of sexual abuse specifically and this thread is beginning to deviate from the original intent. HOWEVER, the original poster made a false generalization to which people here are sensitive. The fact is the title states "Most Abused Children Become Abusers". I believe people are seeing that title, taking it at face value and becoming defensive. Yes, Anthony, "people who have been abused as children do often abuse" but this is not the same thing as stating MOST abused children become abusers. A matter of semantics, perhaps, but an important one to many of the people here.

 

[Innordinate]

sorry

 

[Nicolette]

I'd like to throw this logic out there. It would reasonable to assume that if a child was brought up with continual abuse, that without exposure to different information to the contray, would likely continual those ingrained methods as an adult. I know for me it took for me to leave home, come to the city, make new friends to realise that some of my thought processes were not the same as people surrounding me & it was a struggle to work out what was 'healthy' as I had to question & re-evaluate my entire life.

The one thing I did know however was that, as a child, I hated the abuse & didnt want that to happen to my child. It's not easy changing 18 or so years of bad programming but you can change some of it, some is a struggle & sometimes you slip up.

From being abused as a child I would not label myself as an abuser however, with hindsight & education through time, there are things I wish I had done better. All being said & done, I believe that no one is perfect but I tried damn hard to make sure I'd didn't consciously abuse anyone.

 

[Abrasky]

I think you find that a lot of children are now being shown education and a different option to abuse at an early age now. The Life Education van teaches kids, truth is some of which have come from abusive homes, about respecting bodies, and that no-one else can disrespect them. It's a new thing, just came out about 20 years ago I think, so there is one thing out there at least that provides another option.
I think I agree with Nicolette that knowing other options exist at an early age might be the key to the difference of a child being brought up with abuse and becoming an abuser and one who is. I certainly remember a time when I didn't know that sexual abuse was a no option out thing. Its pretty scary because the abuser has all the power. And I prefer not to think about it. I prefer thinking about having knowledge as power.
I agree that things like the life education van are good, they don't ignore abuse like every other situation in society. At least there is one thing(there should be many more) that is helping not avoid reality by providing a voice for against abuse. I agree it's good not to avoid possibliities. It's also good to see other options.

 

[anthony]

Interesting reads across years / decades, to provide members more insight into this:

• [DLMURL]http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/opre/abuse_neglect/natl_incid/index.html[/DLMURL]
• [DLMURL]http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm07/cm07.pdf[/DLMURL] (5MB in size)
• [DLMURL]http://www.yesican.org/stats.html[/DLMURL]
• http://pediatrics.about.com/od/childabuse/a/05_abuse_stats.htm

You will begin to find much closer statistics for demographic areas, ie. "Girls are sexually abused three times more often than boys" vs. some statements made here about far different ratio's

Neglect is the #1 cause of child abuse.

In 2000 1 in 3 children died due to abuse, when now, 1 in 4 children die, so awareness and society have improved. Even though childhood death rates have increased to approximately 5 per day now, a per capita basis shows a decline in ratio as shown above: [DLMURL]http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics[/DLMURL]

Children living with their married biological parents places kids at the lowest risk for child abuse and neglect, while living with a single parent and a live-in partner increased the risk of abuse and neglect to more than eight times that of other children.

A nice tidbit of current data pertinent:

About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse.

For those in doubt about childhood abuse and facts, here are the US statistics of facts for childhood abuse, perpetrators:

• For FFY 2007, 56.5 percent of the perpetrators were women, 42.4 percent were men and 1.1 percent were of unknown sex. Women typically were younger than men. The median age was 30 years for women and 33 years for men. Of the women who were perpetrators, more than 40 percent (45.0%) were younger than 30 years of age, compared with one-third of the men (34.5%). These proportions have remained consistent for the past few years.
• The racial distribution of perpetrators was similar to the race of their victims. During FFY 2007, nearly one-half (48.5%) of perpetrators were White and one-fifth (19.0%) were African-American. Approximately 20 percent (19.8%) of perpetrators were Hispanic. These proportions also have remained consistent for the past few years.
• Nearly 80 percent (79.9%) of perpetrators were parents. Other relatives accounted for an additional 6.6 percent. Unmarried partners of parents accounted for 4.5 percent (figure 5–2). Of the parents who were perpetrators, nearly 90 percent (87.7%) were biological parents, 4.2 percent were stepparents, and 0.6 percent were adoptive parents.
• More than one-half (61.1%) of all perpetrators were found to have neglected children. Nearly 13 percent (12.7%) of all perpetrators were associated with more than one type of maltreatment. Slightly more than 10 percent (10.3%) of perpetrators physically abused children, and 7.1 percent sexually abused children.

Oh... just found the latest US one, which uses 2009 data, released 2010: [DLMURL]http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm09/cm09.pdf[/DLMURL]

 

[anthony]

As catjudo outlined in relation to the heading, and based on current US data, I changed the beginning of the thread title to reflect more accurately for the purposes of this threads ongoing continuity.

 

[Brontie]

I think it’s a good title. A realistic title.
I don’t think any of us are burying our head in the sand here. I think some of us may have become quite defensive, but I also think that was to be expected when we are drawn into a topic about our experiences and our children in the same breath.

 

[anthony]

I think growing up in Glasgow in the sixties it was the norm. I was battered and beaten by parents who were battered and beaten by their parents.

It was the norm, absolutely. Even the above statistics show that one positive with social evolution is that abuse is more mainstream today, not as tolerated, thus the statistics have decrease, even though populations have increased, which is marked improvement for one aspect of society.

 

[Missy]

30% is not most. 70% isn't bad odds

.

 

[Abrasky]

This is not my just my opinion, but I asked my psychologist why some people become abusers and why some people do not. Her answer was that the difference was empathy. She said she did once change one of those 30% a teenager who had offended once into the other 70% by helping him get empathy (by getting the memories back for what happened to him.)
I have to agree with this emapthy thing, This iss my opinion but abuse I think is a memory problem caused by dissacociating from the abuse of parents I think. It is only when you get empathy can you decide not to abuse. Education can lead to another option which can lead to empathy.

 

[anthony]

Empathy is correct, yes. Empathy is the feeling associated that defines sociopathic tendencies, abusers, etc. Basically... can a person feel guilty for doing something that is wrong vs. feeling nothing. Which is defined as having empathy.