31 Years of HELL, Now They Tell Me I've Got PTSD

[vera]

hi mort =)

 

[White0nWhite]

Welcome to the forum Mort, I'm new myself. And I don't judge you at all. You'll defentally find love here and understanding. You're not alone. *hug*

 

[anthony]

Hi Mortiis, welcome to the forum.

 

[mortiis31]

Hi Anthony. Thank you :(

 

[Lisa]

Hi Mortiis... welcome. You most definitely are not alone in PTSD here.

Lisa.

 

[mortiis31]

Lisa

Thank you so much, Lisa

 

[nie]

Welcome Mort. I hope that you can find some solace here.

 

[fin]

A Welcome from Someone in 2009

Hi Welcome Mortiis, I found you accidentally following a trail of forum "breadcrumbs", I have read a couple of your posts, and I know I may seem strange replying to this so long after you have written it, but I have found this forum so very helpful to me in managing and helping me to begin to see that PTSD can be lived with, and I wanted to acknowledge you here and say to you it is not always easy to work through but we can change our lives.


I have brought this forward accidently because I wanted to say hello, and having read your introduction I looked for your diary. I am not sure if you have one and looking at the date that you joined and were last here (and I admit I have not read everything of yours), but I was wondering if you are having treatment and if it was helping, because PTSD can be managed and our lives can change, and I am hoping that you have begun to see your life turning around also. I hope you have because you have not deserved what happened to you, no one deserves any of it. And I am hoping that your life has begun to change and you are seeing some things differently, perhaps more positively than you did when you first here came to the forum

I also hope that the negative behaviour that you have talked about, and its effects on you has also alterred, because no matter what we have been through or how we feel about ourselves, we all deserve to be treated with respect, and I am hoping that you are able to perhaps see now postive and constructive changes taking place for you.

I know for me one of the hardest parts was letting go of negative behaviour patterns; that I was almost seeking out in some abusive relationships. While I have yet so much to learn I am able to see that some things kept me very submissive and never allowed me to really think I had any rights to a better life at all. And while I thought that some of these decisions were my "choices" I can see that many were a result of abuse and trauma that I had not dealt with.

I am able even today -this morning, to really see and acknowledge that so much of what has happened to me -seperate to actual traumas, continued to perpetuate feelings of self loathing and low self esteem. And that even my behaviour and my decisions were so very far from being healthy, if it had not been for a few little things that began to chip away at what little self respect I had left, I would perhaps still be in a certain lifestyle that would continue to be harming me. A lifestyle I still feel a slight atttraction for, but am able to know now I allowed myself to damage me more, long after trauma had ended. PTSD can damage us so much more than we are able to really understand sometimes, and this is why it is so good to really on work on it.

I hope you are doing well mortiis and that writing is still a constructive and therapeutic outlet for you.

I hope you have begun to find happiness and fulfillment in your life. Because I believe we all deserve to be happy and for us aside from managing PTSD, all people have things they have to contend with in life, and for us PTSD is no reason for not aspiring to those same things.

I hope that this helps you some to read if you still come here mortiis, and anyone else that comes here also...please know you are not alone in your struggle with PTSD, please know that you can learn to manage it and learn to have a life rich in good feelings. PTSD is not the sum of us, it is not who we are, and I believe it doesn't have to totally rule ever aspect of our lives.

Take care mortiis, and I hope you are well wherever you are right now. It was good to go back and read you even if we have not been here at the same time, I am greatly encouraged not only by present members, by many others that have written here before me, I hope you have been also. And I hope that your life has turned around better since you wrote this your introduction here.

~fin

 

[skye]

I am really glad you shared your story. You have been through so much. I understand your feeling of needing to feel loved and wanted. I feel the same way, yet its hard for me at times to feel i diserve it as well. There are a lot of very nice people on the forum. I am glad your here, you belong on this earth and on this forum. Welcome, i hope to talk to you more.

Skye

 

[jrgm13]

31 years of hell

greetings mortiis31, sorry about your story. this is my first try at replying to a thread. hope i did it right.

 

[fin]

this is my first try at replying to a thread. hope i did it right.

Hey Jrgm, you did just fine,

I brought the thread forward myself and for any others that might want to read it - you included. Mortiis hasn't been here in 5 months and this thread was last written in 2 years ago -nearly.

I didn't know if Mortiis still looked into the forum from the public point-without signing in,

But I thought if he did it might be good to let him know that someone still reads him here and he has helped someone else -me, and that he is perhaps not so alone even if he no longer actually came into the forum anymore.

And it is always good to know we are appreciated.

I think you are going to do good here jrgm, keep going. You will be able to get a handle on so much more also. And it is good that you are trying and also reading here. And I thank that you have compassion, please try to show this beautiful gift to yourself also. I think if you can try to be kinder to yourself -it will help you.

I read your other posts here, I read here also, perhaps more than people think I do :smile: The reading here is good and it will help you. I am glad that you are looking to take this seriously, you will get through this, there is so much support and encouragement here. Please know you are not alone either.



You done good

Keep trying to keep it real, it will get better. Oh and Welcome to you too jrgm :hello:


and thankyou for this -from me...

~fin

 

[TLight]

Hi Mortis;

Just want to say thanks for being here and sharing with us. You are not alone and please log on and share when the rough times hit.

I too feel the frustration of how other people with mental illness get more support. It is very isolating and makes me angry, but we have to keep trying to get support and understanding in order to heal.

I said to my BF the other day that he absolutely cannot share with anyone my struggles with PTSD because I will be judged and told the most hurtful comments from the most helpful of people. I just can't take the risk. We are like survivors of concentration camps.....yet when they got out, their social networks supported them in healing from the horrors.........yet we just seem to get blamed again, like we did something terrible? I don't understand, except that its people who think that they had rough times in childhood and just got on with things and we are weak because we can't.......there seems to be no compassion or understanding......it is terribly isolating.

But, we must pursue healing because our very lives depend on it. AND for now, for this moment and perhaps the next, I'm making the choice that there is good on the planet and there are good people out there and love does exist. For this moment, and perhaps the next, I"m making that choice to believe.

I invite you to come with me......
T