Sexual Assault :'(

[lilstar]

No I havent spoke to her since wednesday I think.
I dont know I dont really do that much, im feeling kinda trapped in my own head at the minute.

 

[Nyx]

Then what did you use to enjoy before you got trapped in your head? It doesn't have to be spectacular, just anything that made you feel good, relaxed, took you to a good place.
When will you be speaking to your T again? Try telling her about these flashbacks and ask her for a healthy way of fighting them or at least diminishing them

You know when I told you that for me it worked to just ground myself as soon as possible after it happened? Wrong. It was just my self defense mechanism kicking in and blocking everything. The best answer for you on how to fight them is with your therapist, because she knows you best and knows what works. I know you haven't quite opened up to her fully yet, but she still knows. They know a.lot, without us telling them. Can you call her?

 

[lilstar]

As im not seeing her yet, I stay in touch by phone or email whenever I want or need. I try and avoid everything not that she believes me when I tell her im fine. She knows me to well I guess.

 

[Nyx]

Tell her about this. If you got to the point where you can't handle the flashbacks, tell her.

As an example of what I enjoy and always lifts my spirit: gummy bears. I had two bags of them tonight. Delicious. Look for your own 'gummy bears'', they're usually a short term but effective coping method. Just until you have the solution.

Be strong, lilstar, these waves do pass, and each of them leaves you even stronger than the previous. Try relying on yourself a little more, because you deserve that and you CAN handle that. You are strong and brave. Trust yourself. Love yourself. And take care of yourself. No one else can do it better than you.

 

[lilstar]

I mite email her in abit, then she'll get back to me.

Two bags....gd for you, I couldn't it would only make me feel worse :-( think I mite go for a hot bubble bath.

 

[Nyx]

That's why I was saying to look for your own gummy bears :) For me it's that. For you it's a bubble bath. Whatever does the trick. And after you know what else you could do? Try that exercise Cherryblossom suggested, the one that helped you relax.
I'm going to bed now, because I'm beat.

Take care. Please. (hugs)

 

[lilstar]

Thanks

Nite nite

 

[anthony]

Something you always have to put foremost during the tough times is... is x going to make things better now and worse later! If the answer is yes, then it means your engaging in destructive negative behaviour that will only hinder you later.

Recognition.... that type of instinctive thinking becomes a tool. Question yourself, and if the answer meets y, then put z into action.

These are the sort of things you write out and stick on your fridge. If I think x, and answer / solution is y, then action z. All being, a negative thought, and solution is destructive, then change the outcome and implement a positive thought / behaviour to distract during the tough time.

Do it enough, it becomes instinctive and you have changed yourself in a positive manner, 100% your doing.

 

[WonderingWhy]

LilStar,
I hope you are feeling better. I like what Anthony said about asking yourself if it will make you feel worse later and better just for the moment. I realize when you are in that moment it might be hard to think of that. So having posted on the fridge or someplace it would be seen often would probably help.

I do hope you are feeling better. :confused:
The only good thing about these rough times, is you should be so proud of yourself when you make it to the end of them. I hope you're there now? Take care.

 

[Nicolette]

Reading this makes me grateful for how well I am considering what I have been through. My heart goes out to you who suffer flashbacks, disassociate and want to self harm.

I have nightmares and have only disassociated once I am aware of and that was while being raped. I cannot imagine how you must suffer Lilstar and I wish you the strength or whatever it takes like re-training to overcome these symptoms.

 

[lilstar]

Thanks, all of you.
I haven't slept yet, it's been such a struggle. I shut myself out the way, well outta harms way. I'm still feeling very agitated right now but trying to stay distracted as much as possible.

 

[Nyx]

Good for you, lilstar. See the progress? I see it and I'm proud of you. Keep walking the good path. And get some rest while you're at it :)
Take care.