5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[Recovery4Me]

Sorry for talking, especially so much, & not useful. Just inner thoughts poorly expressed.

:hug:XXoo0 I have found it infinitely, more comforting to jibber-jabber here among those whom care, then try to placate myself and mutter to walls. However, just so you know...part of my heart normally understands your soul's expression.

So please, do not give up your voice!:tup: Luv you dear HugBug.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Recovery4Me . :hug:

I love you too. :hug: :hug: :inlove:

 

[rosey]

1. Want to be on hoilday still
2. Dont eat any more cake today.
3. Hate what my head is telling me today.
4. Where is a good therapist when i need one.
5. Back to the cake.

 

[Ronin]

especially so much, & not useful.

Not useful, sez who?

There be this chronically doubting if speaking itself is allowed cashew, who is very very encouraged by seeing others talk like no business and get kind responses to that talking. Very darned useful. Setting good example, too.

 

[corvidae]

1: @Junebug 2-7: identifying with you; validating; feel not-so-alone-or-strange (maybe?)
2: coffee
3: coffee
4: avocado
5: research

 

[Ronin]

1. ABCs.
2. At least the freak in town's been ID'd.
3. Coffee & Mindfulness time.
4. Research.
5. Thinking of ex-sister. 'Tupid thoughts. Go the f*ck away. Not my fault & Not diving back in.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

1. The pain in my neck and muscles hurts and it's making it hard to turn my head to one side properly.

2. I wish people understood PTSD more and realized that the symptoms can cause problems with other topics not just the topic of a specific trauma. It has far reaching systemic like reactions. Just avoiding the topic of rape for example doesn't mean my startle response isn't going to be affected by loud unexpected noises. It will. It happens. And even if it annoys others it annoys me that I constantly have to explain and feel like I have to say "I'm sorry I can't help it".

3. That I don't feel like running errands today.

4. I really love the lemon Italian ice I've been buying.

5. I've been wondering why my anxiety is higher lately and why I started picking at my fingers anxiously again and feeling like "it's coming". Until I looked at the date yesterday and realized next week is September 11th.

 

[Recovery4Me]

1. I am transitioning again in my journey and find slight discomfort with the newness of change.
2. I like the changes, the loss of some of the baggage and plan to remember this feeling should it be fleeting or a mood swing for my resilience later.
3. I am recognizing 'trauma dates' for myself as an trigger from the past effing with my present. I no longer elect to allow rumination to be my form of celebration.
4. Some of my past that demands attention, will be met with self-compassion but I will not suffer over suffering.
5. There may not be a cure or a final moment of normalcy for me but I have made peace within my companion of label.

 

[Anrish]

1. Hugs @Recovery4Me - give yourself some peace during that stressful time. :hug:
2. Piano went fine - even my teacher had some problems with that one: Kingdom Hearts Piano Collections Field & Battle - 07 Hollow Bastion
3. Love the autumn mix of "Bärentreff" - local gummi bear company. :hungry:
4. House search tomorrow morning. :rolleyes:
5. Hot cocoa and cool ice...:happy:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Not liking the beginning of fall and shorter days coming.:(
Feeling better:cool:
Keeping occupied instead of brain fog:D
Reached out to a peer for a reality check:rolleyes:
Keep on keeping on:ninja:

 

[Tinyflame]

1.Thank you @Cashew & @corvidae. Probably here is the only place it's understood.
2. What I have remembered, despite holes, is enough to explain to me why september is so bad. :( Seriously wonder how I've not killed myself 50 times over.
3. Hopefully this recognition can allow me to deal with it, identifiable.
4. I asked my friend for some truth, to tell whether I am triggered or just correct. I fear he doesn't trust me to tell. :(
5. I accidentally overheard something. He does not know I know 2 people on my own who've made the same choices as he may be. Well, not the same, not leaving but they are staying despite what they're choosing. Who I am to judge though; one was great and the other had a heck of a life.
6. I realize being aware of people/ environments/ lies/ truths/ ommissions. etc, was necessary for survival. Missing it nearly claimed my life. Knowing brought a sense of security, relief.
7. It probably is important to me to feel I'm trusted. Maybe from so many years not trusting myself. I always gave everyone the benefit if the doubt, after i had done what i deemed as unspeakable.
8. Then again, who knows? Only the truth will enable me to gauge my own mind's re-living/ not reliving.

 

[Tinyflame]

I thought of some stuff, wondering if anyone has had similar (ptsd-fueled?) thoughts or experiences?

1. Crazy or correct? Crosses my mind. I think it's affected by learning if I wasn't aware of all details, including reading who & what was around me, I couldn't stay alive or unharmed. Oddly though, it was frequently never enough, anyway.
2. I think ptsd-causing traumatic events involve shock. Two of the words that always stuck with me were shock & horror, horror-of-horrors, actually, since I think it's out of the scope of what one 'expects' is coming. I've wondered why nothing surprises me much now- I think it comes from the shock of many experiences. Perhaps my mind's way of thinking, I will never be shocked again if nothing is expected or impossible. I think for typical people this is not the case, but my world has no guarantees or expectations of positivity (eg honesty, commitment, reliability, truth, etc). , & experiences of great negative actions of others.
3. Similar to the above no one has ever kept their promises. It's been many years. Not saying that people don't, but not my experience.
4. I am very familiar with man's inhumanity to man.
5. In another way, Idk if any of it matters anymore, anyway.