5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[Tinyflame]

I'm so sorry that's occurring @CrowFeather . :( :hug::hug:

Dear sweet @C j and @ladee , thank you, and thank for your sweet dselves :notworthy: :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

1. I have to put myself 'out there' if I want my life to improve :sorry:
2. I think I've had more than enough self reflection now! :wtf::bored::banghead:
3. Also have to see a gynaecologist at some point :sorry::dead:
4. Glad I am not on edge all of the time now :barefoot:;)
5. I'm afraid of the future but........:ninja::ninja::ninja::ninja::ninja::ninja::cool::p

 

[intothelight]

Need to figure out how to walk three dogs on a dock :eek:
Want to stop at my favorite Mediterranean restaurant for lunch....garlic hummus or red pepper?
Don't forget the container of tennis balls to toss in the lake
Taking doggie back pack for training
Uhhh......why are people so slow when you are so ready to go

 

[Tinyflame]

My vote is red pepper @intothelight :tup: :)

I wonder (truly- serious question) how to accept it should be of importantance to do things that keep me alive? It only occurred to me upon waking. I had thought last night while cutting the grass (it's been raining so much and through my timing/ schedule off), how glad I was I didn't have to go out. And if I were wealthy/ not dependent on my job I'd actually ask if someone would let me go inpatient. Though going to a hospital would normally be a suicide-guarantee, frankly, for me- couldn't handle it.

But just writing this now, I suppose too if I didn't have the work fears or any financial fears, my stress cup would be a lot less, so maybe I wouldn't feel this bad?

I don't have much in the way of resources, definitely hard to find belief in investing in keeping myself alive.

But also, trust is a monumental challenge, as is assigning any worth whatsoever to myself.

Stupid ramblings. I'm sorry. :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Trying to fly under the family's dysfunctional system.:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
Got hit by it big time yesterday.:coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet::coldfeet:
I had good supportive friends lending me a hand up with some surprising validating truths.:inlove:
It totally lifted me above the fog of emotional blackmail.:ninja::ninja::ninja:
Feeling much better and rising above it today.:):):)

 

[Tinyflame]

I'd actually ask if someone would let me go inpatient. Though going to a hospital would normally be a suicide-guarantee, frankly, for me- couldn't handle it.

ETA, but I couldn't squeeze it up there, the above ^^ is a total shocker to me. But just thought this second, instead of feeling ashamed+++ and defeated, maybe I should just think of it as good in the way of admitting SI; admitting my limitations; admitting I need help; subconsciously trying to stay alive. Less denial? Which is 'good'? I guess? :confused:

@Rain :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[jaccat]

A day of retrospection was called for, and it has helped.
I broke through a couple of inhibitions that have held me in check the last two months.
Managed some grieving in there. It was needed.
I'm grateful for the T I have- her suggestion was a good one.
Just need to work my way back to a place of functioning now.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

1. I have loved EVERY moment alone, realizing that I don't have to be alone to be "alone."
2. Rejoice in the knowledge that I have changed recently, and am continuing to change.
3. The only pressure is the pressure that I put on myself.
4. Serenity is fluid, as is sadness.
5. I am making progress.

 

[ladee]

Thinking I do too much thinking.
Even saying that word out loud five times sounds so funny.
Thinking these black clouds should bring some much needed rain.
Thinking, I have so much to do, I just need to pick ONE.
Thinking I am so grateful to finally be done with my son's BS...

 

[Anrish]

1. I suck in certain situations.
2. On surprisingly good terms with my family.
3. Our landlord bought a motorcycle and showed it to me - a nice one.
4. Didn't do enough learning during the past week.
5. Got a sunburn.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. :wtf: There were 8 blackbirds/ crows-? sitting on the power line and one robin on the line below it, :wtf: , I know it's superstitious but I can't help but notice when I have a bad/ death-like thought I see one, or a large black beetle. :wtf: Frankly, I should be happy I guess, seeing 2 lemmings before- they eat them but even that's super-gross to me. :wtf::wtf::wtf: I 'said one' and 6 flew away, and the robin came back. Which I love, because super-weird as it sounds when my dog Big Red died a robin came with me even in to the winter (which is odd), 'walked' with me everywhere. Even came to me sitting in the grass crying (at the time).

'My'/the bunny was in the patio this a.m., hope they don't want to eat him!! :eek::eek::eek::arghh;

I realize I rarely know if my decisions are the very best, or the very worst. I know they're either-or, but not which one. :meh::sorry::(

 

[Tinyflame]

Out of vape juice :eek: , except for this stuff that gives me hives I'm using.
I have so much to do. :(
I don't want to say goodbye. :( I think it's goodbye-isn't it? Maybe I can skip it and ignore it.
I'm tired and sad.
Have a headache, like always. In this case not an error, is always unless the Tylenol kicks in, waited too long. :wtf: