I have taken a few days off sick from work to give me time to think. I haven't slept properly for weeks and I am struggling on at work, on autopilot, I am very unhappy.
I have sat and looked at my therapy blueprint and I have screwed up! I haven't followed any of the advice. I hate making excuses but the job I do feels impossible. I am not very good at being mediocre. But to be even good I need to work for 60 hours plus a week and give up a day of my weekend. This is because the department I have taken over has to have an overhaul in order to increase staff morale and in order to move forward in a healthy direction (there is lots of staff sickness and the team is quite disfunctional). Lots of the paperwork hasn't been done or shared effectively.
I need to take time off to catch up on all my own personal paperwork too because I am so behind. I went into work to collect it all and now it is sitting in my study. I don't know where to start. I was at a leadership meeting last night and was told I looked 'very switched off'. I think that is because I am somewhere else in my head because the reality is a bit unbearable. There is too much to do.
Also I have no-one who is prepared to mentor me because everywhere I go and whoever I talk to the message is the same ' I am too stressed or busy' . I am under constant pressure to perform well but I feel mentally fragile. I keep 'shouting' at myself to 'pull it together' but I feel burnt out. I suppose I should go to the GP because otherwise I feel I will continue in this way until I decide to drive my car into a wall. I have given up moaning to my family and friends because they look so unhappy. Instead I just think of ways to end it. Pathetic, it is totally pathetic and I am pretty annoyed with myself.
I have sat and looked at my therapy blueprint and I have screwed up! I haven't followed any of the advice. I hate making excuses but the job I do feels impossible. I am not very good at being mediocre. But to be even good I need to work for 60 hours plus a week and give up a day of my weekend. This is because the department I have taken over has to have an overhaul in order to increase staff morale and in order to move forward in a healthy direction (there is lots of staff sickness and the team is quite disfunctional). Lots of the paperwork hasn't been done or shared effectively.
I need to take time off to catch up on all my own personal paperwork too because I am so behind. I went into work to collect it all and now it is sitting in my study. I don't know where to start. I was at a leadership meeting last night and was told I looked 'very switched off'. I think that is because I am somewhere else in my head because the reality is a bit unbearable. There is too much to do.
Also I have no-one who is prepared to mentor me because everywhere I go and whoever I talk to the message is the same ' I am too stressed or busy' . I am under constant pressure to perform well but I feel mentally fragile. I keep 'shouting' at myself to 'pull it together' but I feel burnt out. I suppose I should go to the GP because otherwise I feel I will continue in this way until I decide to drive my car into a wall. I have given up moaning to my family and friends because they look so unhappy. Instead I just think of ways to end it. Pathetic, it is totally pathetic and I am pretty annoyed with myself.
