Kas_Can_Fly
Diamond Member
I don't make my poor T's life easy!! She's been very patient with me in allowing me to find my way in therapy. In our first preliminary session I went along mentioning the Pottergate Center for Trauma and Dissociation because of everything internally - which I was very vague with her about. A number of sessions later she mentioned she thought I had DID and I got really hostile and defensive so she left it, knowing all along that there was a lot more beneath the surface. I think also I twisted her words and on here undermined what she had said because of semantics - not maliciously but defensively, simply unready to process her words.
A full year and a half later and it was very clear that there was far more than PTSD going on under the surface. It's all been very push and pull internally with huge amounts of denial but today we've agreed to mark today as a milestone. I'd tried to push for other dissociative disorder diagnosis that weren't correct because I wasn't ready to jump in at the deep end to DID and I could never understand how she always knew these weren't right. She persisted with me and we worked on other stuff for a long time and even though we both knew I had DID, she never pushed to label it again. But last week something gave and I finally started sharing about my "parts" and this week a whole one and a half years later, she finally, officially diagnosed me with DID.
I was incredibly uncomfortable hearing/saying the real name of it and admitting it. My fear was that by admitting/labelling it would become real (more so than just internally). Not only this but aside from her saying it (with my permission), she took some time to gently push me to saying/admitting - which I found incredibly difficult and was squirming and tugging at my hair and face - but I did it! She was very glad and apprehensions aside, maybe now is the time. >_< **eeep!!**
I'm feeling some huge gratefulness, appreciation and deep respect for her which is also a big step. But wowzer - is she patient! *^_^*
A full year and a half later and it was very clear that there was far more than PTSD going on under the surface. It's all been very push and pull internally with huge amounts of denial but today we've agreed to mark today as a milestone. I'd tried to push for other dissociative disorder diagnosis that weren't correct because I wasn't ready to jump in at the deep end to DID and I could never understand how she always knew these weren't right. She persisted with me and we worked on other stuff for a long time and even though we both knew I had DID, she never pushed to label it again. But last week something gave and I finally started sharing about my "parts" and this week a whole one and a half years later, she finally, officially diagnosed me with DID.
I was incredibly uncomfortable hearing/saying the real name of it and admitting it. My fear was that by admitting/labelling it would become real (more so than just internally). Not only this but aside from her saying it (with my permission), she took some time to gently push me to saying/admitting - which I found incredibly difficult and was squirming and tugging at my hair and face - but I did it! She was very glad and apprehensions aside, maybe now is the time. >_< **eeep!!**
I'm feeling some huge gratefulness, appreciation and deep respect for her which is also a big step. But wowzer - is she patient! *^_^*
